One possible contest format might be as follows:
step 1 - make a poll to determine the top 15 contenders (keyton, you can nominate paicrai - think about it!)
step 2 - form a team of 10 crack keyboard aficionados each possessing a particular area of expertise. They should be scrutinized for impeccable trustworthiness and immunity to selling their souls for milk/lego/ice-cream/ass-clacks, and bri-bots etc. - then have each of them compose 4 of the toughest questions they can come up with within the breadth (or 'breast', depending on your switch-type preferences) of all things mechanical keyboards. The toughest scenario involving even the most random keyboards should be allowed as long as it is mechanical. The scenarios will be solvable merely through knowledge of 'keyboard science' and the use of diagnostic and problem solving skills. In each round there will be one un-solveable one and if it is solvable that aficionado loses face (singular of feces for retards) - sames goes for the solvable ones.
Step 3 - have 3 livestream hack-offs corresponding to 3 different time zones taking place at the various keyboard community meetups, with each containing 5 contenders sitting side by side. Contenders would be read the question at the same time and be given the same amount of time as the others to type/write out the answer on a piece of paper.
step 4 - at the end of each round of questions answered by those with balls big enough to back up their so-called superior keyboard expertise (indeed, balls big enough to cause a total eclipse of even Ripster's own uranus-sized ego), their respective answers will be read out by the host or better yet their fellow contestants - so as to provide potential spill-inducing entertainment as we see their reactions close-up!
step 5 - well we will all hear their respective solutions/answers and each vote who did best.
Step 6 - the two top vote-getters at the end of the 10th round will then have a question picked out of a hat by the winner of a coin toss. After completing the question, and another round of voting, they will each have 7 mins to prepare a 5-7 min speech proving why their solution is superior. There will then ensue a final round of voting
Step 7 - a grand final will be staged between the 3 time-zone winners in order to find the overall keyboard expert in the world as of 2014 (lactating spouses should patently NOT be allowed to whisper into any contender's ear during any parts of the question period nor be within nipple-shot). Those 3 will be bombarded by 5 of the toughest questions as deemed by the afficianados. Same rules and time constraints will apply in the grand final, except that apart from the top 2 vote-getters beating heads, paper-bags, nappies, secret santa suits, in the penultimate round, there will be an opportunity for the lowest vote scorer to come from behind like a ninja and blow their answers clean out of the H to ****ing O in a coma-inducing 15 minute marathon exhibition of mental acuity, acumen, and agility, not to mention asswipe- flushing ability.
Quite important note: Ripster would not be allowed to be one of the crack keyboard aficionados, as he will have to take his place as one of the 15 contenders by default in order to 'defend' his self-proclaimed title of No. 1 Keyboard Expert in the world. And no there is no distinction you can weasel out with as overall best>>no.1 self-proclaimed best! Absolutely, no way out save Ripstering a new pint-sized lactating advisor shrunken down to eardrum size. I leave that up to your conscience and personal ethics
.
Seeing as Ripster, Demik, and Mr. Interface and various prominent founders of other keyboard communities and the like are|is
rarely if ever photographed in the pink, this kind of in itself renders Ripster's claim disputable: as who is to say his lactating wife isn't feeding him all the information..due to the lesser misfortune of being a paraplegic that cannot type?
Thoughts on the validity of holding such a contest? If it is fundamentally flawed, then I would like someone to propose a fail safe way that prevents cheating of any kind.
The most important aspect is that there is no cheating. So that is why I suggest a livestream where contenders are visible and not able to peek at the opposition's answers like in school.
As a special treat for Spamray, if the winner should be hooded or a donkey, he will be unveiled in all his shiny glawr-ee!?
edit: please see through the jest and sarcasm and playful mimicry to the
kernel of the message: this may actually work... At least it will find a no. 2 or if the winner show's his lunch box, while HOT CHOCOLATE plays 'I Believe in Testicles You Sexy Freak' he or she may remain anonymous.
edit: if the winner's lunchbox is more funnel than volcano we may rule out she being a he.
