Author Topic: B.R.O. Story discussion  (Read 15415 times)

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Offline Bro Caps

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B.R.O. Story discussion
« on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:18:45 »
Part 1 has been released, and I would like to hear your feedback and thoughts. As we move into part 2, we will see new characters revealed, as well as learn the demise of past characters.

B.R.O. Issue #1
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The year is 2141.

Our planet has been at peace for over a century. This has been largely in part due to the Unification Accord between the world’s superpowers. After a century long struggle to bring the war on terror to an end, there now can be peace. Under the Unification Accord, the world leaders have formed a peace-keeping initiative. Maintaining a minimal military presence in member countries in the form of specialized groups, ensures stability. One such group, B.R.O. (Battle Response Offensive), has been monitoring threats not only across our planet, but outside of our own galaxy.

We have made major advancements in the exploration of space. Sending probes to the farthest reaches of our galaxy. With the goal of setting up early warning systems from catastrophic threats, we created a network of defensive satellites, as well as probes on planets capable of supporting life. Our search for intelligent life has been unfruitful, even with our bounding leaps in technology, extending our ability to scan planets in neighboring galaxies. The years of sending out radio waves and transmitting information light years away has gone completely unnoticed… until today.

Our planetary defenses never picked up on the threat. It was like a shadow creeping into the atmosphere, darkening the sky. We scrambled to meet the threat head-on, but our first line of defense, Guardian Battalion, was obliterated. Their armor ripped to shreds by the invading forces weaponry.

In my 22 years of military service, I never thought there would come a day when I would be helpless to protect the people of this planet. For now, there is no time to reflect on the matter. We must try to re-establish communications with the remaining coalition forces.

The last video feed from our surveillance in Los Angeles showed a number of invading forces destroying any resistance. It wasn’t clear as to what their intentions were beyond this. The only communications were coming in via Morse code, informing us that nuclear power plants and military bases were under siege and overrun. Casualties are rising by the thousands.

With our main forces down and no way of communicating, I can only put my chips down on one last bet...

Los Angeles Outskirts - 1400 hours

Peering at the chaos from the shadows, we assessed the threat to be of alien origin. This technology is beyond our comprehension. The devastation wrought by their forces is unlike anything we have faced.

Communications are out, save for the comm links with other Reaper Squadron members. We have split up and spread out in order to obtain as much information as possible, while remaining undetected by the enemy. They have deployed ground units that are doing some sort of scanning, covering large amounts of ground rapidly.

The streets are littered with bodies, and the foul stench of death pierces the night sky. The city is burning, and the sound of screams have silenced. The drones emit an eerie mechanical whine as they move in their search. We are not certain how close we can get without being detected, but we need to move on and attempt to try and gather more data on these drones, and possibly disable one.

An opportunity presents itself as a drone moves towards our location. We set up for an attack from multiple positions, so as not to be singled out. As the rest of the squad moves into position, we prepare to fire. It’s mechanical hum becomes louder, even felt in the ground. I signal to the squad, and we unleash hell upon the drone. As the pulses from our energy rifles impact with the drone, it responds with an immediate volley of projectiles all around us. We hear a sharp cry in pain over our comm links. Lt. Leecham’s vitals fade from our scanners.

We quickly scramble to new positions and engage our stealth systems. The drone moves on our positions, scanning rapidly. It’s hull is torn open in several areas, billowing smoke as it moves. The damage seems to be considerable, but does not stop its search. Our stealth systems seem to be effective against the drone… for the time being. It begins to move towards Lt. Leecham’s position hastily. I can’t let it take Leecham, but we risk losing more of our team if we reveal our locations. As we begin to move towards the drone in hopes of coming up with a plan to retrieve him, we hear the hums of more drones approaching...


B.R.O. Issue #2 - Invasion: Part II

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Assessing The Damage

The dreadful silence of a once bustling metropolis takes hold of Los Angeles. Only the sound of fire crackling and the hum of the drones scouring the city remain. Those that resisted capture, were swiftly dispatched by the drones. The survivors were huddled into large shuttles by the thousands, then flown to larger spacecraft. What fate awaits them is still unknown. The last known reports revealed the true scope of the siege; the majority of the north and south American continents have been enveloped by the invading forces. Hope for our survival is quickly diminishing.

While the state of Reaper Squadron is still unknown, the rest of B.R.O. forces have been decimated. The drones have salvaged some of the Defender class units, even managing to take control of a few for their own purposes. Our own defenses turned against us. Mangled husks are all that remain of the rest.

The invading forces have adapted to our power grids, and drones have begun accumulating energy to supply their ships. The corrupted Defender units clear away rubble, searching for survivors and retrieve them for transportation back to the invaders ships. The sight of the defenders that once protected us from harm, now serving the enemy, is unbearable to witness.

In the wake of the devastation, there lies a small glimmer of hope in the form of a faded beacon. A crackling voice emits from one of the downed Defender units comm systems…

*We have suffered heavy casualties… if you can hear this… please respond…*
*We have captured an enemy drone… we need an extract to our location for transport… please respond…*


The communication from one of the Reaper Squad members comes through, but there is no response....

To be continued in Part III


« Last Edit: Thu, 26 October 2017, 22:14:29 by Bro Caps »

Offline Bro Caps

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #1 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:18:55 »
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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #2 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:19:00 »
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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
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Online CommonCurt

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #7 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:21:29 »
Could  those be V3 eyes?
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Offline Incredigasmic

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #8 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:21:32 »
I can't be the only one who got all giddy seeing those BBV2/3 eyes at the end.
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Offline dohbot

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #9 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:21:52 »
This is getting really cool! I quite like the first issue.
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Offline pr0ximity

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #10 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:22:30 »
Lt. Leecham

Offline tokidokijake

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #11 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:22:50 »
I really enjoyed reading through the first part and like a backstory to go with the cap. Curious to see where it goes and how the caps will or will not blend with each other. Having a series of different caps that create a "character set" if you will sounds really cool.

Offline Lokomotivet

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #12 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:30:39 »
I knew it! The ayylien/drone is the BBv3.

Offline scubaste

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #13 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:32:48 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.

Offline Bro Caps

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #14 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:33:00 »

Offline romevi

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #15 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:33:16 »
Lt. Leecham
Show Image


What other stuff has he been in?


Offline Bro Caps

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Offline -musubi

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #18 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 14:43:10 »
Need more pixels

Offline FoC_Tow

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #19 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 15:03:50 »

Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.

;_____;

Offline Fire Brand

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #20 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 15:05:26 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.
Yeah he did say that in slacks

Also is it just me or does it look like the brobot is now megatron :))
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Offline Bro Caps

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #21 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 15:06:13 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.


The version system is going away. Instead, there will be specific classes of characters, similar to a military rank system.

Offline dgneo

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #22 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 15:07:06 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.


The version system is going away. Instead, there will be specific classes of characters, similar to a military rank system.

Ooooh I dig this idea :thumb:
Then they start remembering the Klingon with the rings on.

Offline OTD

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #23 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 15:23:33 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.


The version system is going away. Instead, there will be specific classes of characters, similar to a military rank system.
Pending sneak peek I hope.

Offline JaccoW

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #24 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 16:31:59 »
It also sounds like an alternate history of Xcom and a start for a good HFY story. I want to see more. :)
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Offline scubaste

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #25 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 16:50:22 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.


The version system is going away. Instead, there will be specific classes of characters, similar to a military rank system.

Ohhh sweet, I look forward to seeing how this process plays out.  :thumb:
Maybe the intelligent life they will find next is a civilization of highly evolved space ribbits. Fingers crossed!  :))
« Last Edit: Tue, 15 March 2016, 16:57:46 by scubaste »

Offline ArnavM

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #26 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 17:09:08 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.


The version system is going away. Instead, there will be specific classes of characters, similar to a military rank system.

Distinguished Master Brobot?
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Offline Telephasic

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #27 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 17:23:36 »
A bit of illustration or a visual art would be great. I'm digging the eyes, things like that!

Offline DAVYtm

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #28 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 17:23:38 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.


The version system is going away. Instead, there will be specific classes of characters, similar to a military rank system.

Really like this, will help make every cap feel individual/unique :)

Offline GenKaan

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #29 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 17:24:07 »
Waited far too long to play XCOM and now when Im done you drop this on me? Its almost like forcing me to pick up XCOM2
I hope the v3's come with out bullet holes tho :)
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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #30 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 19:46:51 »
Pretty sure bro said there won't be a brobot v3.


The version system is going away. Instead, there will be specific classes of characters, similar to a military rank system.

So your saying LOTS of new BroBots?! I love this idea  :thumb:
 

Offline LXXXIX

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #31 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 19:49:31 »
I thought this a discussion about the story, and not about the next keycap. :P

I really like the first issue though. I hope to see a little more narrative and dialog with the next one. The first one really created the setting and the tone for what's to follow. Maybe the next issue will be a little more about the "aliens" perceptive? I'd like to see what their motive is.

Keep it up Bro! :thumb:

Offline Badwrench

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #32 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 20:11:41 »
Is it just me, or do I see a little starscream in the there  :-X

I sure hope so!



wut. i'd buy a ****ty IBM board for that green V2

Offline LXXXIX

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #33 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 20:13:05 »

Is it just me, or do I see a little starscream in the there  :-X

I sure hope so!

Show Image


Show Image


I never noticed that. That makes a lot of sense now.

Offline Telephasic

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #34 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 20:15:29 »
text color changed, eye color changed to red too, hum....

Offline tchevass

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #35 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 20:59:02 »
bro bby show me some pics
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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #36 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 21:05:41 »
Hey Bro,

I enjoyed the first story a lot! That being said, there are definitely some things syntactically that I'd adjust to make the story flow a bit better and more in line with the train-of-thoughtish narrative voice it seems like you are going after. If you'd like someone to proof read over the next chapter and/or offer advice, don't hesitate to reach out to me!

Offline ploooopp

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #37 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 23:42:06 »
Can we please have another cap similar to the Conservative Red in the colour scheme! Thanks! **6am can't read the story now, will do later**
So... I can put anything here?

Offline romevi

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #38 on: Tue, 15 March 2016, 23:46:38 »
The story-related caps is a wonderful idea.

Offline Scgmdx2

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #39 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 00:08:54 »
I'm really digging the universe you're setting up here bro. Keep up the great work :)

Offline Glenmael

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #40 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 00:57:25 »
Really enjoyed reading the first part and look forward to many more to come :thumb:


Offline Bevo

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #41 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 04:15:14 »
Thumbs up!

Offline Frizer

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #42 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 11:14:35 »
I like the concept of the universe you are populating with your characters. I'm not sure if you are telling a story or just painting a picture though because you flip between the two. If you want to tell a story then just get inside the character's head and tell it from their point of view. There is a lot of "we" which reads odd. But maybe this is a "hive mind" outfit you're trying to describe? It's not clear though. I don't know if a stench can pierce the sky? It can fill/hang in/permeate the air maybe?

Offline Bro Caps

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #43 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 12:21:44 »
I like the concept of the universe you are populating with your characters. I'm not sure if you are telling a story or just painting a picture though because you flip between the two. If you want to tell a story then just get inside the character's head and tell it from their point of view. There is a lot of "we" which reads odd. But maybe this is a "hive mind" outfit you're trying to describe? It's not clear though. I don't know if a stench can pierce the sky? It can fill/hang in/permeate the air maybe?


These are very good points. I had struggled with this going into it. I am clearly amateur in my story telling, but I hope to learn along the way, both from experience and feedback. I am hoping to build on this for the next part in the series.

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #44 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 21:37:04 »
I like the concept of the universe you are populating with your characters. I'm not sure if you are telling a story or just painting a picture though because you flip between the two. If you want to tell a story then just get inside the character's head and tell it from their point of view. There is a lot of "we" which reads odd. But maybe this is a "hive mind" outfit you're trying to describe? It's not clear though. I don't know if a stench can pierce the sky? It can fill/hang in/permeate the air maybe?


These are very good points. I had struggled with this going into it. I am clearly amateur in my story telling, but I hope to learn along the way, both from experience and feedback. I am hoping to build on this for the next part in the series.

Can't wait to hear the next installment. Keep it up man!
 

Offline LXXXIX

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #45 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 21:39:31 »
Are there any plans to potentially publish the series at the end? Like a light novel or something? It'd be pretty nice to pair the keycaps with the storyline in a physical format.

Just a thought.

Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #46 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 22:55:29 »
I like the concept of the universe you are populating with your characters. I'm not sure if you are telling a story or just painting a picture though because you flip between the two. If you want to tell a story then just get inside the character's head and tell it from their point of view. There is a lot of "we" which reads odd. But maybe this is a "hive mind" outfit you're trying to describe? It's not clear though. I don't know if a stench can pierce the sky? It can fill/hang in/permeate the air maybe?


These are very good points. I had struggled with this going into it. I am clearly amateur in my story telling, but I hope to learn along the way, both from experience and feedback. I am hoping to build on this for the next part in the series.

Yeah Frizer hit on the points I was trying to imply in my previous post. You have some strong narratives but with multiple narrators that lack a true cohesion throughout it. This causes the reader to get lost amongst the differing voices and actually impedes the story's momentum.

I do think "pierced" the air is perfectly appropriate, it's a nice piece of artistic (literary) liberty and is an acceptable (somewhat common) turn of phrase.


Offline toxicdrift

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #47 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 23:19:31 »
this is awesome!!! cant wait for more pictures :thumb:
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Offline Bro Caps

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Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #48 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 23:35:29 »
I like the concept of the universe you are populating with your characters. I'm not sure if you are telling a story or just painting a picture though because you flip between the two. If you want to tell a story then just get inside the character's head and tell it from their point of view. There is a lot of "we" which reads odd. But maybe this is a "hive mind" outfit you're trying to describe? It's not clear though. I don't know if a stench can pierce the sky? It can fill/hang in/permeate the air maybe?


These are very good points. I had struggled with this going into it. I am clearly amateur in my story telling, but I hope to learn along the way, both from experience and feedback. I am hoping to build on this for the next part in the series.

Yeah Frizer hit on the points I was trying to imply in my previous post. You have some strong narratives but with multiple narrators that lack a true cohesion throughout it. This causes the reader to get lost amongst the differing voices and actually impedes the story's momentum.

I do think "pierced" the air is perfectly appropriate, it's a nice piece of artistic (literary) liberty and is an acceptable (somewhat common) turn of phrase.


Yeah, I am thinking I maybe should have introduced the narrator as a specific character role in the story along the way, so when it cuts to them, it doesn't throw the reader off balance. Appreciate the feedback :)

Re: B.R.O. Story discussion
« Reply #49 on: Wed, 16 March 2016, 23:53:31 »
Bro, was literally just working on some edits (or at least how I would have set up the narrative to achieve that goal) to post here so that you could see what I was trying to express in my previous comments.

With writing, it's always difficult to understand feedback without seeing it in action. I hope you don't take any offense to me doing it. My style is completely subjective and not at all meant to be the "right" way, but I think it might be able to help guide you or at least let you step back and re-read your story with a critical eye.

Regardless, I do think this is a great idea. It adds some depth to your pieces and meaning to the purchasers. Well that and its just plain fun!

I will say one last thing after attempting this - I think the most important thing will be deciding how you want to approach the main characters voice. That is, should it be stream of thought? If so should there be another omnipotent/removed narrator describing the in-betweens, or should all of it be written in the passive voice and just have him intersperse his recall of the events?

--------
Here's my edits:

The year is 2141.

The planet has been at peace for over a century, in part, due to the Unification Accord between the world’s superpowers.

In the wake of a century long war on terror, the Accord would inevitably pave the way to the B.R.O. Born out of the Accord’s peace-keeping initiative, the Battle Response Offensive represented one of the many specialized groups tasked with  preserving planetary peace, though for the B.R.O. their task extended - some would say - a bit further. You see, like other outfits assembled under the keeping initiative, the B.R.O monitored threats across each continent. Unlike the others, however, they also had their eyes turned to the stars - surveilling the milky way for something (if anything) far worse…

Understanding the latter task, also requires an understanding of   the technological and societal progress eschewed by a century of innovation. Probes no longer puttered out on the edges of our solar system. Hell, Voyager seemed like an RC car - major advancements in the exploration of space made intragalatic *and* intergalactic distances conquerable. On the tails of these probes an even greater defense network was established. On edges of our galaxy laid an immense and magnificent network of defensive satellites, invisible to the naked eye and perhaps all telescopes but Mira, this engineering feat was only topped by what it sought to protect. Behind this intricate weave of defense satellites were vast expanses of nothingness peppered with formally inhospitable planets whose toxic atmospheres had been transformed by fleets of terraforming probes. Planets once void now teemed with life.

And while Humanity had accomplished so much in this regard, our search for intelligent life had been and has remained unfruitful. The years of sending out radio waves, transmitting information light years away seemed to just… well… go unnoticed. Until today.

The planetary defenses missed it. Like a plume of smoke that haphazardly crept into the sky, it went unnotice until the hues had shifted to a deep, rich, black slowly taking on ballast until it plummeted back down to the earth’s surface. Back down to us. Their weaponary, whoever they were, was merciless. Guardian Battalion’s armor, now all but papermache, was a testament to that.

So I did what I’ve always done in my 22 years of military service: I hit them head on.

There isn’t time  to reflect on the matter. I’ve got to re-establish communications with the remaining initiative forces. The last video feed from our surveillance in Los Angeles showed the invaders destroying any resistance with ease. Yet, I still don’t understand what their intentions could be? To kill - without reason? That’s something 20th century Humans would do.


I’ve been receiving some comms but they’re in Morse code - strategic nuclear power plants and military bases formerly under siege have fallen. Casualties are increasing by the thousands.

I wouldn’t call myself a gambler, but I’ve got no reinforcements and, even if I did, I’ve got no comms. So I’m putting my chips down on one last bet…