Kids staying wiht parents

[patrickgeekhack]

This thread is not to judge anyone, but just to compare the differences in cultures.

I have noticed that in Canada--at least where I live-- people tend to want their kids to move out of the house quite soon. Moreover, I have heard quite a few people poking fun at those who still live with their parents with remarks like "He's 40 and still live with his parents."

Personally, I don't find these comments funny because I come from a culture where those who are not married--either because they cannot ger married or don't want to get married--tend to live with their parents because it's a win win situation in their point of view. It's almost always the case for kids to live with their parents until they get married.

Is this the general feeling in North America that kids should move out as soon as they can? Is this the same trend in Europe?

[microsoft windows]

Well, if you're 30 or 40 years old and haven't moved out, then chances are something's wrong.

[patrickgeekhack]

Well, if you're 30 or 40 years old and haven't moved out, then chances are something's wrong.

Why does something have to be wrong? I could be 30 or 40 but prefer to live with my parents because I prefer them to live in their home instead of a retirement home.

[patrickgeekhack]

Are you Italian?

No offense but bamboccioni sounds like a ice hockey machine.

No, I'm not Italian, but there are many cultures around the world where kids stay with their parents even passed their 30s. Like I said in my previous comment, my parents could have a huge house which they can no longer take proper care of. I may prefer to live with them so that they don't have to move into a retirement home or sell the house.

I'm not saying that it's good nor not good to live with ones parents. There are obviously some pros and cons. But just because someone chose to not move out does not necessarily mean that something is wrong.

[keyboardlover]

Are you Italian?

No offense but bamboccioni sounds like a ice hockey machine.

I am Italian American and I can tell you that I know this tradition is both popular in Italy and with Italian Americans here. In Italy it's quite common after marriage for the man and woman to then move in with the man's parents. This might depend on how much money they have; I'm not sure.

[Rajagra]

Well, if you're 30 or 40 years old and haven't moved out, then chances are something's wrong.

Yes. It's house prices.

(UK perspective...) I can remember when being a £millionaire meant you were rich. Seriously rich, with enough to live in luxury for the rest of your life.

Now being a millionaire just means you can afford a nice house.

It's completely artificial pricing driven by greedy property developers, and totally supported by government, because they like people having to slave away their entire lives to pay off a mortgage, because that means they also become a tax revenue stream. Then the government takes your house off you to pay for your medical care when you are old.

It's a con, and some of us don't want to play the game.

[Lanx]

nothing wrong with graduating college/hs moving out finding your life getting married then buying a big home and have your parents move in with you.

however living in the same house for 40 years is socially unacceptable really, i mean your 21, graduated something and still live at home for the next 10years?
why? using the poor excuse that rent is cheap?
i get my laundry done here?
food is good?

that just leads to straight up laziness and social unacceptability. I was pretty lazy at home, moved out w/ gf/fiancee, and learned to pay bills,rent, do laundry, buy food, learn to cook.
All that stuff.

Now if you moved out, lived on your own for a few years then, WTF economy! and go back to mommy and daddy, thats fine, i mean thats the reason why mom and dad always keeps your room ready anyway right? (mine do for when me and fiancee come back to visit).

[Daniel Beaver]

sing the poor excuse that rent is cheap?

Yes.
And why not? Why buy extra **** just because you can? This strike me as a very American thing.

[patrickgeekhack]

however living in the same house for 40 years is socially unacceptable really, i mean your 21, graduated something and still live at home for the next 10years?
why? using the poor excuse that rent is cheap?
i get my laundry done here?
food is good?

that just leads to straight up laziness and social unacceptability. I was pretty lazy at home, moved out w/ gf/fiancee, and learned to pay bills,rent, do laundry, buy food, learn to cook.
All that stuff.

This may apply for some. But let me assure you that my brothers and I, all knew how to do our laundry (by hands), how to iron, how to clean the house, and how to cook food well before 15. On top of all this, we also had to pitch in in the family business. In my case, I had less to do after I move to Canada than staying :-)

Is not what is socially acceptable depend on the culture where one is? I just find differences in culture amazing. My friend (born and grown up in Canada) was told by her doctor not to eat peanuts while she was pregnant and to not introduct peanuts to her child too early, yet her child developed severe peanut allergy. My wife ate quite a lot of peanuts while being pregnant because not eating peanuts while pregnant was something we never heard of. So far my daughter is not allergic to peanuts. She has eaten peanuts quite a few times.

[Scarzy]

Rajagra, have you ever considered buying a house? We recently moved (october) and we bought ours out right which was highly frowned upon by the estate agent apparently. I'm rather young (17) and i'm pretty sure that unless i inherit a house from my parents, I am not going to be able to ever buy a house.

I don't think there is anything wrong with staying with parents, and when i start working full time i will probably stay there for a few years to build up a little cash to live on. It's cheaper, and I get on well with them. Even if i do inherit a building, I would need to make sure I had enough funds to pay off the inheritance tax on the house i believe, the system is indeed flawed.

[d2v]

Here in India, it is quite common to find families staying in the same house for generations. In extreme cases, these houses could be 400+ years old !

[itlnstln]

My dad couldn't wait to kick my ass out of the house.  My sister lived with my parents until she was 26.

[patrickgeekhack]

My dad couldn't wait to kick my ass out of the house.  My sister lived with my parents until she was 26.

Was it because you were being a smart ass?

[Rajagra]

Rajagra, have you ever considered buying a house?
... i'm pretty sure that unless i inherit a house from my parents, I am not going to be able to ever buy a house.

In my twenties my pay was too low, but I liked my job. In my thirties I had better paid jobs but none were long term/secure. By my late thirties I had a well paid steady job but no savings for a few years, so I put off buying a house. At 40 it became obvious that management changes were turning a job I loved into a task of slave labour, and there was no way I was going to take on a mortgage that forced me to stay in a job that would destroy my soul. The day I quit that job was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt so sorry for my colleagues who had families and mortgages and didn't have the luxury of leaving when things got bad. (The pay was good enough to make it hard for them to move on.)

And now I have the house that I inherited, so buying isn't an issue until I want to move.

If you want to buy your own house I think you need to buy something in your twenties. Start small and upgrade when you can afford it. As expensive as it is, it's better than throwing money away on rent. If you put off buying for too long, you reach a point where the mortgage is going to take all your remaining working life to pay off, and that's a risky commitment.

To be honest, if your parent's home is big enough for all of you, it works out well for everyone if you stay. I'd draw the line at staying after marriage though.

[erricrice]

In my twenties my pay was too low, but I liked my job. In my thirties I had better paid jobs but none were long term/secure. By my late thirties I had a well paid steady job but no savings for a few years, so I put off buying a house. At 40 it became obvious that management changes were turning a job I loved into a task of slave labour, and there was no way I was going to take on a mortgage that forced me to stay in a job that would destroy my soul. The day I quit that job was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt so sorry for my colleagues who had families and mortgages and didn't have the luxury of leaving when things got bad. (The pay was good enough to make it hard for them to move on.)

And now I have the house that I inherited, so buying isn't an issue until I want to move.

If you want to buy your own house I think you need to buy something in your twenties. Start small and upgrade when you can afford it. As expensive as it is, it's better than throwing money away on rent. If you put off buying for too long, you reach a point where the mortgage is going to take all your remaining working life to pay off, and that's a risky commitment.

To be honest, if your parent's home is big enough for all of you, it works out well for everyone if you stay. I'd draw the line at staying after marriage though.

I totally agree with this.  I moved out at 19 and I have loved it so far, but I am currently only renting because I don't have enough credit history for a mortgage yet.  

Every month I punch myself cause I'm throwing money into a hole that it will never come out of.  I will be buying a house in the near future though, and I can't wait for that because then I will actually be putting the money towards something permanent.

[itlnstln]

Was it because you were being a smart ass?

No, it was an attitude he adopted from his (Sicilian) father.  The idea being that he was an adult and had to start fending for himself.  Back then, though, the world was a little different, and my mom convinced my dad to support me, if necessary, through college.  I have been out of my parents' house since I was 17 (I started school a little early).

[itlnstln]

Do all Sicilians learn how to do hits like in the Godfather and Sopranos?  

I don't mean the drug kind of hits.

If I told you, I would have to show you at least one of the "lessons."

[Konrad]

I can't be the only one who lunged at the opportunity to get the hell out of his parent's house. I got myself a crappy job (fast food, lol, ick) fresh out of high school and hated it but saved up for a few months, then packed all my stuff into my new (old) piece o' **** car and drove off with my girl to my own basement suite. Booya, freedom!
 
I remember my parents being somewhat astonished and horrified - my mother looking broken and my dad trying to appear stoic in the rearview mirror. Classic hollywood tearjerker stuff, impossibly stereotyped. They wanted me to stay until I finished university. They pleaded for me to "come home" after I dumped the girl, then again after the next girl, then again and again. They even tried bribing me. Even after I finished university. Must be a European thing.
 
So my observation is that maybe it is largely cultural.  By which I mean the culture around the family, not necessarily their original one.
But it depends a lot on the people and families in question.

[chimera15]

I tried to be an artist for 15 years, and had requirements to have a house/land large enough that I could make a ton of noise doing sculpture, which doesn't come cheap.  The only way I could do that was to live with my parents and pool our resources.  So now I'm almost 40, still living with my parents, a failed artist, and back in college to try to get a real job.  I really don't care if it's socially unacceptable or not though.

I do care that my parents really need to retire, and are still working to help support me though, which is why I need to get a degree and a real job.

[Hak Foo]

I live at home still; almost 30.

It makes financial sense- as the house I can buy today is still costly compared to one bought in 1988.

It also makes practical sense in that if one family member takes ill or crippled, the others can assist- we're three generations together

[audioave10]

I also "got the hell out" at 17, and I'm glad I did. Old School is...get out and make your own living for yourself! (however, gas was 3 gallons for a dollar)

[kriminal]

I always assumed Canadians all lived together to preserve heat in the igloo.

lmao..

staying with the rents past 30 and 40years???
blasphemy

well for me atleast

[abflex]

Where I live it's not uncommon for people to stay with their parents until they are 25+. But this is mainly because of the ****ed up prices. A flat around 250 square feet costs around 1000 000 SEK (roughly equal to $150 000).

So unless you want to live in the ghetto you got to have full time employment. Well basically you need that for the ghetto as well, since prices there are like a a third of the non-ghetto areas.

[ironman31]

I'll live with my parents until I'm out of grad school. I can save up a hell of a lot of money doing this. No rent to pay, getting paid to go to school, and having a part time jobs for gas, food, and... keyboards, lol.

[patrickgeekhack]

 
So my observation is that maybe it is largely cultural.  By which I mean the culture around the family, not necessarily their original one.
But it depends a lot on the people and families in question.

Yes, never underestimate the power of the situation.

[patrickgeekhack]

To be honest, if your parent's home is big enough for all of you, it works out well for everyone if you stay. I'd draw the line at staying after marriage though.

I think the biggest reason why some stay with their parents even after marriage is housing prices and sometimes because of "free daycare."

Some people are lucky to live in a country where the maternity leave last for a year. Where I come from it's only 3 months. Thank goodness we were already in Canada when we had our first child.

[ricercar]

When I was 29, My wife and I moved in with my mom for a month, while relocating to her city. Does that count?

[abflex]

I want to visit a Stockholm Ghetto some day.   Are there leggy Blondes there?

Not really ...

There are not that many natural blondes anywhere in Sweden (tho there are a lot more than in the US) and only a small part of them are leggy.

[Lanx]

I think the biggest reason why some stay with their parents even after marriage is housing prices and sometimes because of "free daycare."

Some people are lucky to live in a country where the maternity leave last for a year. Where I come from it's only 3 months. Thank goodness we were already in Canada when we had our first child.

oh heck yea i want to move back in w/ my parents! but both our jobs prevent this from ever happening (i can't move back to ny, not cuz of legal reasons but business, and fiancee's field is in chemical engineering, not many "plants" or factories" back in ny). (this is planning to have that dreaded child in the future)

[keyboardlover]

Not really ...

There are not that many natural blondes anywhere in Sweden (tho there are a lot more than in the US) and only a small part of them are leggy.

I've noticed that...none of the Swedish people I met have been natural blonde. I've met more natural blondes from Finland and Norway...

[EverythingIBM]

After you get older, you generally don't want to live with your parents anymore. And also, as long as you're under their roof, that means you have to follow everything they say: for they are still your authority as long as you live with them. If you think you somehow have freewill despite living with them, you're wrong. Their house, their rules.

I definitely want to move out whenever I can get the chance.
Yes it can be difficult financially, but there's always a hurdle. Solve it and move on.

People who still live with their parents when middle-aged (especially married) have issues. When you get married, that means you and your spouse are now separate from your parents.

[maclover]

Where I live it's not uncommon for people to stay with their parents until they are 25+. But this is mainly because of the ****ed up prices. A flat around 250 square feet costs around 1000 000 SEK (roughly equal to $150 000).

So unless you want to live in the ghetto you got to have full time employment. Well basically you need that for the ghetto as well, since prices there are like a a third of the non-ghetto areas.

Pro tip move away from Stockholm(or New York/London/Milan) because there's plenty of places that aren't ghettos and have sane rent prices in the rest of Sweden.

[wellington1869]

Pro tip move away from Stockholm(or New York/London/Milan) because there's plenty of places that aren't ghettos and have sane rent prices in the rest of Sweden.

i recommend moving to bosnia, gaza, or riyad, rather than new york/london/milan. Because all countries and governments are exactly the same.

[Konrad]

[instantkamera]

I live with my in-laws right now, as my wife and I recently married, and moved back to her city of birth (to be NEAR family and friends, not to live WITH them). Believe me, it is NOT win-win, I cannot wait to take possession of our house. There are some bonuses to doing so in the short term (we saved much more money this way), but sharing a house with clashing personalities and lifestyles is trying. And they are great people, I can only imagine what it could be like.

Also worth nothing is the fact that I lived at home from 0-23 and loved it, didn't ever want to move, But having lived with my wife for many years and establishing our "family unit" (me, her and the dog), THAT is what makes me most comfortable at present.

[Lanx]

Also worth nothing is the fact that I lived at home from 0-23 and loved it, didn't ever want to move, But having lived with my wife for many years and establishing our "family unit" (me, her and the dog), THAT is what makes me most comfortable at present.

here,here

[patrickgeekhack]

I live with my in-laws right now, as my wife and I recently married, and moved back to her city of birth (to be NEAR family and friends, not to live WITH them). Believe me, it is NOT win-win, I cannot wait to take possession of our house. There are some bonuses to doing so in the short term (we saved much more money this way), but sharing a house with clashing personalities and lifestyles is trying. And they are great people, I can only imagine what it could be like.

Also worth nothing is the fact that I lived at home from 0-23 and loved it, didn't ever want to move, But having lived with my wife for many years and establishing our "family unit" (me, her and the dog), THAT is what makes me most comfortable at present.

There is a lot of truth in your comment. I should define what I meant by the win-win situation. It's based on the power of the situation. In some cases, it's almost impossible for the newly wed to move to their own place because rent is super expensive or because buying a place is just not an option. Therefore, the best they can is to live with parents. Some parents have bought a big lot, build a big home just for when this kind of needs arise.

Of course, there is a price to pay. The place is not own by the newly married couple and they will be reminded of this either directly or indirectly.

Personally, I am so glad that I already moved to Canada when I got married for like you said, once you've established your own way of life with your family unit, it's a way of living which is hard to give up. If my parents do join me in a few years, I will be looking for a house which has seperate entrance for the basement part. I will want the house to be essentially two apartments within the same building.

[itlnstln]

You're going to store your parents in the basement?

[patrickgeekhack]

You're going to store your parents in the basement?

Pretty much, unless I win the lottery and can afford two houses.

[itlnstln]

At the very least, you might be able to find a house with one of the bedrooms on the opposite side of the house.  Floorplans like that are fairly common in Texas.  Then again, we don't have basements here.

[patrickgeekhack]

At the very least, you might be able to find a house with one of the bedrooms on the opposite side of the house.  Floorplans like that are fairly common in Texas.  Then again, we don't have basements here.

I don't think I can find this kind of arrangement in Canada. Moreover, I will have less choice because I will prefer to have a house close to a school.