GAF

[dalsu]

We do this thing in school in England, called Duke of Edinburgh, basically involves going on a hike and camping for two days.

Me and my team get lost, we lose our bearings and are now in the middle of a lot of fields. We find a farm, thinking we can use the farm owners telephone to get some help we go into the farm which was trespassing. We were greeted with a sea of fresh manure on the floor. I'm talking a LAKE of fresh cow poop. There were these stepping stones we had to jump on to get across, doing this with 20kgish backpacks on wasn't easy. One by one we all fell in some of us face first, into the fresh excrement. We had to find little puddles of water to clean ourselves. Jesus we stunk so bad but it was on of the grimiest, funniest experiences of my life. Covered in **** with the BOYS!!!

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[Magnifikaz]

My dog has idiopathic epilepsy.  While we were still trying to figure out the necessary dosages of medication he would have seizures and defecate/urinate himself.  For his safety, we put him in his crate when we see that a seizure was coming on.  With his spasms, he used to kick all that poop and pee everywhere: all over the crate, the walls, the floor, and of course on himself.  Cleaning everything including his LONG fur (rough collie) was grimey af.  Thankfully we have found the right combo of medication and dosage that makes it more ‘manageable’ now to about one/two seizures a month without defecation.  As a result I may now be immune to smells which is an unexpected bonus now that I have a baby .  Thank you for the giveaway!


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[nephlock]

My only experience with GAF has been a meager view from afar. But through slack channels, personal testimonies, and lurks I have ascertained that Kudos treats his friends well, and takes utmost pride in the craft. Keep on pushing, they've all come out great!

[Novice]

I work in an office building with about 25-different companies which all use the same restrooms. One day I noticed a booger on the wall above the stall.    Disgusted, I took a paper towel and cleaned it off like any real person should do....

There are now 6-different boogers on the wall and I'm done cleaning this **** up.

You win booger guy.. You ****ing win... 

[o3okevin]

One time I was walking, and happened to walk right into the trajectory of a kid's cough (that they made absolutely no effort to cover). Got sick for a week after that... never again.

[Bambino]

There was that time back in 2003 that my keyboard started making crunching noises when I pressed the Win key. 



I just decided it would be better to remove it entirely.

[lildragonbuns]

i watched myself shotgun a 4loko during a party and it was glorious

[KlarKuo]

Once when I was young I had a bad case of diarrhea on a road trip and I had to relieve myself on the side of the highway. The worst part was the bathroom was just a few minutes away, little to my knowledge

[TheOrangeOne]

That one time I had latrine duty (doodie?) at summer camp. I shoveled **** and smelled like it for a week. Ahhh, fond memories.

[lhotse408]

I had a friend take a dump on the roof of a PT cruiser, it was both grimey and great justification at the same time. Those cars are ****.

[Depresso-the-clown]

I once cleaned out a drainpipe from a farmhouse that had been clogged for almost 10 years. I could feel the ground rumble before the clog gave way, and the erupting wave of petrified faces that rushed out spewed 20 feet across the pasture. Was incredibly grimeu, but really exciting for 12 year old me

[Cloudz]

Own a small vape shop and one customer came in and said her new coil was tasting burnt. After taking it apart and looking into the massive coil (Prince tank) There was a small fly on the wall inside of her coil. One wing I'm guessing she vaped the other wing.

[LightningXI]

Seeing a slowly decomposing (rotting), but formalin-fixed cadaver in an anatomy lab -- what I could sense was a rank and pungent smell mixed with a tinge of sickening sweetness. I believe they had to amputate the limb that was necrotizing.

[Mousy]

So prior warning this story makes me feel ill thinking back about it.

Little backstory. I have Crohns disease which is an inflammatory bowel disease where your body attacks your gut causing severe pain, inflammation and losing the ability to absorb anything from your food (massive simplification and TLDR). So one of the not so pleasant things that can come about because of Crohns are cysts. These tend to form either on the gut itself or on your ass. I tend to check reasonably regularly as these can be quite dangerous to leave unattended but apparently I missed this one. One day I am drying off after a shower and I feel a raised lump on my ass and upon checking in the mirror using the old peek between your legs trick I see a smallish white lump. Thinking nothing of it I go ahead and give the sucker a little squeeze. Worst. Decision. Ever. In what I can only describe as a mixture between a pressure washer and the ending of a video on certain websites I completely drenched the mirror in the contents of what I now knew to be more than just a spot. It was only after I had stood up and turned around did I notice the several large and now dripping patches of unknown liquid running down my face. I won't go into the smell but lets just say it made my eyes stream and instantly gag. One vomit later and a quick trip to the doctors I had a 1.5cm cyst removed and a grimy as fvck story which I have kept to myself till today!

I hope you didn't eat just before reading this

[jackedhardwarejunkie]

Unreal, ty for the giveaway Kudos! Ill keep this one short an schaweet. This one time when I was a youngin my an my lil bro were getting all heated in an argument, push came to shove I decided for some reason try to walk away, next thing I knew I was pushed from behind and tripped face first into a nice big fresh dog steamer... To add I was wearing my brand new jacket I bought that day, great... Now I'm chasing my lil bro with doggy doodoo smeared all over my brand new jacket.... Moms ended up making it outside before I caught ass lmao, good times.

[jazzyman]

One time, when I was in the third grade, I took such a big poop I clogged the toilet at home for three days. It was so bad it took the effort of three of my family members to unclog the toilet....

[redjarojam]

Working at a movie theater I had to clean bathrooms regularly. One of the worst was when I had to mop **** off 2 walls of a stall. It was as if the person bent over and sprayed diarrhea into the corner.

[superdoedoe]

This didn't happen to me but to my friend (quite recently as well xD)

Little bit of back story - she works as GP going around to aged care facilities doing work and bringing medicine. On the day she was at a age care home for those with dementia and needed 24/hr care and supervision. At this place, in particular, you were told to keep your bags and personal belongings either with you at all times or within the lockers provided.

She had done just that till it was time to leave. As she was leaving she was called in to quickly assist with one of the elderly and she place her handbag (with all her stuff and laptop in it) within the hallway to keep it out of the room of the person she was helping. When she was walking back, she could smell this weird off-putting smell, and turning the corner she found one of the Dementia patient squatted over her bag, using it as a toilet.

She ran up to the patient  screaming to tell her to stop, but all the patient did was turn to her and say "why".

Worse is that is she said it was Projectile.

The bag itself was like $200, but it had all her personal belongings (including her work laptop) in it as well, bar her phone. I think she tried to wash the bag out the following day but in the end i think she decided to just chuck it.


ngl after she told me I was crying from laughing so hard xD It's disgusting but bloody hilarious if it didn't happen to you.

[mittyzz]

Projectile (used and not mine) tampon.

[YoungsterHarris]

I’ll just leave this here :Supra:

[Hongook]

Back in my college days, my friends and I ended up at a Denny’s after a night out drinking. We all crammed into a booth and was trying to sober up a friend who had drank too much. He ended up finishing his glass of water and appeared to be getting better. Well I was in the middle between him and another friend and out of nowhere I started hearing gagging noises. I peeked over and knew what was about to come and I had no way to escape...I proceeded to watch him refill his empty glass as he regurgitated all the food and alcohol he’d consumed that night. Once filled the puke started to spill over the table and fall onto my pants. It all happened so slowly, but I made no attempt to escape and just accepted my fate. Til this day I’ve never returned to a Denny’s restaurant.


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[Dennyroxsox]

Growing up, we had a dog that would literally eat anything. So, we'd often find that he ate balloons, yarn, thread, all kinds of stuff, and sometimes he would need a little assistance. One time we were pulling out what we thought was a piece of balloon...


It was a tapeworm.

[Undrcontrl]

I am an IT professional that offices out of my own house. I was working on a computer a couple years ago and had it sitting aside for a little while. Out of nowhere I had a roach crawl across my desk. First thought was "eh, I live in TX by the water, it is to be expected to see one" even though it was the first one ever to show up in my office.
A few minutes later a second one crawls across my desk and I start to actually wonder.

I decided, at that point, to crack the case on the computer that this guy said had quit working all of a sudden, and found a nest of about 12 roaches in that case, which was grimey af due to all the fecal matter and such that they leave behind.
I immediately bagged it up and put it in the garage for later decontamination.

When I finally got back around to cleaning it out, after telling the client the issue, I took the whole thing apart while spraying it down to avoid those suckers from spreading into my house. Once I pulled the motherboard out I found another dozen+ tucked away in the case.

[ja.ze]

My dog took a dump on my chest the second day after I adopted him. Apparently this beautiful douchebag was too cozy to move from his spot and decided to take said dump and continue sleeping.

Corgi pictured in my profile picture.

Thanks for the giveaway, Gaf. Fingers crossed.

Hope you're doing better from all that medical/dental stuff. Been there, sucks emotionally and financially.

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[pentawater]

Still don't know what everything on my parents' keyboard is.

[BobCarltheThird]

You ever clean a public women's restroom? I swear to Christ I've seen every kind of horror game bathroom trope up at least once.

Blood all over the place - YUP

Someone wiping turds all over the wall - YUP

Blood and turds all over the place - YUP

I swear there must be a secret score system that only they have access too that keeps track of how badly they can destroy a toilet stall.

[BestShuckleNA]

when my my cat was just a kitten he must have got into something he shouldn't have because he had some nasty liquidy poops, and I wasn't aware of the fact until he was already in my room and ruined my carpet and spread some more under my bed :[

[ArchDill]

I had to deliver and install a refrigerator for an elderly couple. As soon as I get to the house I can tell that it is not kept very well. They both were in too bad of shape, health-wise, to be able to really do anything. I make my way into the kitchen and unplug their old refrigerator. I attach it to my dolly, strap it in and when I tilt it back, about 15-20 cockroaches come sliding from the top ON TO MY FACE. I audibly yelled and when they asked me what happen... I did not have the heart to tell them.

[pnkpanther65]

Too many grimey experiences to pick one, had a lot of friends do tattoos for me in pretty gross rooms, drop the paper towels on the floor then use them to wipe fresh tattoos, that kinda stuff.

Most grimey woulda had to have been last year. Started out with a pretty standard cold. Had a fever for a bit and thought it was over. I went to take a drink of water the next day and my throat was on fire. I took a pic of the inside of my mouth and it was covered in white puss filled pimples. Over the next few days it spread to my cheeks and lips and started showing up on the outside too with cold sores and puss absolutely everywhere. Couldn't eat, couldn't drink without insane pain. Went to the hospital and they told me they had no idea what it was and couldn't give me anything for a perscription. 
I ended up having to get some "slippery elm" powder at the suggestion of my partners mom and made a thick paste of it and try to rub it all over the inside of my mouth and throat without gagging. It was hellish for almost a week and I don't think I've ever felt more disgustingly grimey.



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[Eastji]

I used to work in an office that was pet friendly, in a quadrant with 3 other people. One time, a dog had an accident and the owner cleaned things up with the same towels we use to whole our desks. Later in the day, when I asked for a towel, she handed it to me and I proceeded to wipe my desk, keyboard, and mouse. After noticing the smell on my hands and the slick film left on parts of my desk and keyboards, review of the security cameras confirmed that I had that extra ingredient soaked into the towel I used to clean my stuff. I moved to another quadrant and was given all brand new equipment, the dog owner was warned and didn’t last much longer after.

[kakiharaOne]

An ex girlfriend would constantly leave her bloody rags everywhere. Bathroom counter... washing machine. Last straw was me stepping on one. She was grimey af.

[awesomesocks]

One of my friends for whatever reason, if you went to the restroom with him and peed in the stall next to him he would aim at your shoes. Had to throw those shoes away and I learned never to pee next to him again. It was very GRIMEY.

[ReverbSlush]

2 things - my wife has sworn me not to tell anybody, but she sometimes flosses her teeth with her hair. always grimes me out when she does it.
Second thing - when my friend was in middle school he didn't want to stop playing at the arcade when he had to use the bathroom... so he shook a few turds down his jeans (this was the 90s) and kicked them behind the machine.  Not relevant to the story but pretty sure the game was capcom's dark stalkers.

[SJHL]

I know someone that scoop'd his butt after he was done with his business and left it on the wall. His excuse? There was no toilet paper. This was when he was a young kid (<10).

I bring it up once in awhile to see his reaction. Good times.

[godlikekitten]

Let me set the mood.  Break out the wine and cheese and snuggle up by the fire for this one. 

A few years back I was working at an Albertsons as a bag boy.  One day this lady comes in on a mobile cart and floors it straight to the bathroom.  I think nothing of it until 10 minutes later I see her exiting the store and my manager walking my direction.  He tells me that I'm gonna have to clean up the women's restroom and I start to panic wondering what happened.  He walked me over to the bathroom and creaked the door open and the image of what I saw is forever ingrained into my memory.  **** all along the wall, toilet, and floor of one stall, but not just that because it wouldn't be a story if it was just that.  The **** formed a u-turn sort of deal into the handicap stall or vice versa so the whole bathroom might as well have been caked in this person's after-breakfast.  I asked my manager how I was supposed to start cleaning this and he just shrugged.  He tells me to go get the trash can and he would come back with something.  I grab the trash can and wheel it over and I see this mother****er with a torn of piece of a cardboard box.  He told me I'd have to scrape up the solid bits of **** and put it in the trash can, then mop the floors.  cool.  A few minutes into the deed and a coworker comes in and tells me it's worse.  Another clerk had to clean the cart she was on as she got **** all over that as well.  Don't know why we didn't burn the thing or just throw it away, but I also don't know why I had to clean **** with some cardboard.  All I know is I do feel bad for the lady, and that I'm more mad that your boy somehow got stuck with the task of playing a solo game of hockey with someone else's intestine soup and only the end of a stick. 

[comdata55]

For a summer job one year I worked at a sewage treatment plant. I was on a team that would clean out the 4-story ovens that sterilized the poop. Poop would get pumped in, baked at over 1,000 degrees for several hours, and then pumped out. Every time the cycle ran a layer would build up in the oven. Once the oven was "choked" our team would be dispatched. The full-time guys would climb in with high-powered water pressure guns, guns that could cut cement and blast away at the cement-poop. It would liquefy on contact and explode out of the oven. It was my job to shovel sh*t into a giant wheelbarrow and take it to a truck outside. It was a very messy job, lol. Fun times!

[KingzandBean]

So since this is v2 I'll give you two stories

1) in college I was living in a small apartment w/just me and a good friend of mine and he would always make sausage+eggs for breakfast every day. We were both lazy af so the trash would fill up and overflow sometimes but like nbd we'd clean it all up or whatever. One very normal day I came back to the house at 12 at night from the library, turn on the light and the house was full of at least 100 fat black flies swarming about and so I freaked out and started trying to kill them with my lighter which wasn't the effective so I went outside to smoke a cigarette and the cigarette tasted like burnt flies

2) I was living on my friend's couch in SF for a month and I was p broke at the time but I went to a $$$ music festival to go see LCD Soundsystem live.  I smuggled in a 5th of cheap vodka, my friend brought some drugs. I drank and smoked cigs all day and then took some drugs in the evening before the show and was rolling REALLY HARD so when the concert was over and everyone was just herding out of the place like cattle I started to feel super nauseous and projectile vomited all over this girl who was walking by who (understandably) freaked out and started yelling at me but I was too ****ed up to do anything but groan.

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[shinz0]

wew. thanks for the giveaway kudos!

Had this really cool dream that i was swimming in a lake and having a grand ole time. woke up and noticed my arms were wet. Ya see, we drank pretty heavily that night and my girl had thrown up on the bed while she was asleep. My arms were covered in her vomit. and the smell.. that smell! So naturally, I began throwing up. Girl woke up, saw the mess and started round 2 of her yackfest.

it was a repressed memory until i started thinking of what grimey story i can tell. Thank you kudos for bringing this back.

More

[KingzandBean]

Also there was the time that I had to clean out a refrigerator full of moldy blood but that's another story

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[foo4542]

Public restroom + diarrhea + no toilet paper 

[jazzyman]

When I was a little kid I liked drinking hot chocolate any time of the year. It could be scorching hot out and I would still drink a hot chocolate from Tim Hortons, I don't know why. Anyways, on a road trip with my family once, the hot chocolate was not sitting too well with me -- it was probably because it was hot as **** outside, and it was a full car of sweaty people.

Anyways, I managed to throw up on myself, all over my seat, and soon everyone in the car began to feel nauseous. Shortly after my little brother puked in the car as well. We had to stop over at my grandparents for a change of clothes, and to clean the car seats covered in puke.

To this day, I still do not why I would drink hot chocolate religiously in the summer.

[clasicks]

cut down a tree, inside said tree was bird eggs, bird eggs smashed, little half developed baby alien birds were all splattered on the ground.

[digid3ar]

maybe it was when my basketball fall into a river full of mud, and when i descended to grab it my shoes  were swallow by the mud, so i had to walk home with my bare foots. : (

[heilstrahl]

Was on a colorectal surgery rotation and was told by the team to assist with a procedure. Since the surgeries usually involve tools being inserted into the rectum, the patient’s rectums are usually flushed prior to the procedure getting started. Invariably, feces and the solution don’t all make it into the bag underneath the patient during prep and end up on the floor. At a later point in the procedure, an expensive and non-sterile tool is dropped and it slid under the table. Since the drapes covering the patient and everyone else is sterile and I’m not, I’m asked to crawl under and retrieve the tool…right through the feces and solution on the ground.

Stay grimey.

[TheWuggening]

I met up with a good friend who was into renfairs while on leave from Iraq. He had one to go to while I was back, so I was like "**** it, I'm game". I got black-out drunk because I hadn't drank in 6 months and went right back to drinking like I used to. I used a porta potty that someone blew the **** up without realizing it. You haven't lived to you walked around a renfair blackout drunk with another man's **** in your pants.   

[wcmbk]

When I was travelling in India I was staying in a very rural village - no running water, no toilets, power only worked for a couple of hours a day, if you were lucky.

My fellow travelers and I were swimming in a little watering hole that was a short walk away. It was a lovely escape from the heat and was our only opportunity to wash ourselves. I decided to walk upstream with a couple of friends - and came across a large dam about a kilometer away. 

It was incredible! It looked deep, and while it was an earthy shade, we may actually be able to get fully submerged, which was a huge step up from splashing around in the stream. My mates weren't so enthused - but I was sold.

I took a running jump from the dam wall into the water, which lay a couple of meters below. My feet hit the ground almost as soon as I hit the water - it was incredibly shallow. I was overwhelmingly glad that I hadn't dove in head-first. That would no doubt have killed me.

That gladness evaporated as soon as I became aware of the water. An inch-thick layer of scum floated on top - thick, smelly, and creamy. It was poop. I waded out as fast as I could - a disgusted icebreaker working through a sea of human crap. When I got out it stuck to me.. I washed for hours, but didn't seem to come clean.

About a day later I came down with a sickness that turned into full-blown dysentery. It took me through multiple hospitals, and I lost half my body weight. Luckily, I survived - and a Grimace would make it all worthwhile!

[PikaJoyce]

I think the grimiest experience I've ever had was that I used to work as a technicians assistant at a pretty big specialty veterinary hospital. There was this larger doodle dog that came in for something I can't recall, but it was having some bad and very bloody diarrhea every few hours. It was not a patient I had been working with but I went to go grab something from the storage area and I remember coming back carrying some paper towel rolls, little did I know that dog had another spree of projectile bloody diarrhea all over the cage walls and onto the hospital floor. I proceeded to rush my way straight through it and slipped and fell backwards into the bloody dog diarrhea. Now, I'm happy it didn't end up in my mouth or anything, but my back was completely covered in bloody diarrhea and I couldn't wash the smell off of me for several days. I called extra days off because I was so traumatized.

[snelltrail]

Was moving house and unplugged the fridge to defrost it. Turns out we accidentally left some beef schnitzel in there...

Came back a week later to finish moving and the meat was COVERED in maggots, and smelled like death.

Definitely a pretty grimey experience. 

[mousetrap00]

Ooh giveaway!
Once, I stepped on what i think was dog poop. Wasn't actually sure that it was poop so i had to make myself 100% sure that it was indeed not poop. Took of my shoes, put it near my face, and gave it a good whiff. It was indeed....dog poop

[Katsurio]

Sitting across from my wife and son on the Taipei MRT (subway) since we couldn't get seated next to one another due to a crowded train, when the guy seated next to them went elbow deep into his nose like it was the normal thing to do in the situation. He continued like that for around 5 stops until we got off. Each time he found his bounty, he'd pull it out and roll it into a nice ball between his thumb and index finger, at which point he'd let it go and leave it up to the train's momentum to help it find its eternal resting place.

However, I took multiple photos of him with the family in frame before letting them in on show, pfthaha...eww!