When out, my mom calls excessively. A nice way to talk to her?

[C5Allroad]

I understand that she's worried and wants to check up. But it's getting excessive compared to a few months ago. I give her a time when I'll be back home, tell her where I'm going and what I'll be doing. Everytime around 8, and then once again at 10(when she goes to sleep) I'll get a call asking when I'll be home and where I'm at. And I understand, cause a 19 year old out in Miami Beach usually means drinking and partying. But I don't drink(I'll sometimes smoke with some friends but that's it), I don't party, I have a pretty decent group of people that I trust and that aren't too into parties.

Is there any way that I can talk to her without a massive lecture or a fight between us? I've always had trouble trying to talk to her because it turns into a lecture and becomes repetitive.

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[fanpeople]

Move out of her house, easiest way.

Without knowing your mother its too hard to predict how she will react but she sounds overprotective. leave ur phone at home when u go out so she can hear it ring when she calls. keep doing it for a few weeks.

[C5Allroad]

Move out of her house, easiest way.

Without knowing your mother its too hard to predict how she will react but she sounds overprotective. leave ur phone at home when u go out so she can hear it ring when she calls. keep doing it for a few weeks.

My parents are divorced, and my dad and step brother joke about moving in with my step brother but I can be ready in a day to go. It sucks ass being that one person in a group whose mom is always calling and me having to go "hold on it's my mom".

[nubbinator]

Let her know that you're not drinking or doing drugs, but that her texting is putting a harsh on your consensual protected night time sex.

[tp4tissue]

I have a pretty decent group of people that I trust and that aren't too into parties.

75% of rapes are committed by someone you KNOW.. 

 //Halverson 100%

[Halverson]

I have a pretty decent group of people that I trust and that aren't too into parties.

75% of rapes are committed by someone you KNOW.. 

 //Halverson 100%

WOW

So just tell mum that Halverson is across county in another country, safe!

[tp4tissue]

Move out of her house, easiest way.

Without knowing your mother its too hard to predict how she will react but she sounds overprotective. leave ur phone at home when u go out so she can hear it ring when she calls. keep doing it for a few weeks.

My parents are divorced, and my dad and step brother joke about moving in with my step brother but I can be ready in a day to go. It sucks ass being that one person in a group whose mom is always calling and me having to go "hold on it's my mom".

You definitely do not want to leave ur mother to go live with your father.

In the obvious sense, the most trusted man in her life (second only to her father),  Your father has betrayed her..

--That's how she will frame it in her mind..--

----However the story happened, or who's fault it actually was, is unimportant--



Now, if Hunterangel121 goes and leaves,  the 3rd most trusted male in her life would've left and betrayed her..


So.....  you can see how a person would either drink themselves to death or end up in a nut-house should that happen..

DO NOT under any circumstance even HINT at the possibility of moving out/ away..


Hahahahahhahahahahahaa


I'd talk about filial piety, but i know white people don't jive wit'dat.. so.. that's as far as it goes..


hahahahahahhaha

[fanpeople]

Move out of her house, easiest way.

Without knowing your mother its too hard to predict how she will react but she sounds overprotective. leave ur phone at home when u go out so she can hear it ring when she calls. keep doing it for a few weeks.

My parents are divorced, and my dad and step brother joke about moving in with my step brother but I can be ready in a day to go. It sucks ass being that one person in a group whose mom is always calling and me having to go "hold on it's my mom".

You definitely do not want to leave ur mother to go live with your father.

In the obvious sense, the most trusted man in her life (second only to her father),  Your father has betrayed her..

--That's how she will frame it in her mind..--

----However the story happened, or who's fault it actually was, is unimportant--



Now, if Hunterangel121 goes and leaves,  the 3rd most trusted male in her life would've left and betrayed her..


So.....  you can see how a person would either drink themselves to death or end up in a nut-house should that happen..

DO NOT under any circumstance even HINT at the possibility of moving out/ away..


Hahahahahhahahahahahaa


I'd talk about filial piety, but i know white people don't jive wit'dat.. so.. that's as far as it goes..


hahahahahahhaha

(Attachment Link)

1. Don't leave parents house
2. Change internet name to Tpsquared
3. ? ? ?
4. Wizzard mode activated

[tp4tissue]

1. Don't leave parents house
2. Change internet name to Tpsquared
3.
4. Wizzard mode activated

Whenever one's heart closes its doors to the fruitless apprehensions of man,  a TP is born..

[C5Allroad]

Step bro lives on his own. So it wouldn't be a terrible thing. It'd be a roommate situation where I wouldn't have to have my mom call me all the time. Or maybe that's backwards, maybe she'll call more.

I'm using an iphone for the week, so maybe I fiddle with find my friends and add my mom?

[tp4tissue]

Step bro lives on his own. So it wouldn't be a terrible thing. It'd be a roommate situation where I wouldn't have to have my mom call me all the time. Or maybe that's backwards, maybe she'll call more.

I'm using an iphone for the week, so maybe I fiddle with find my friends and add my mom?

hahaha..

you do you..

and, she's probably not going to say anything if you move out, etc..

But in her mind.. --betrayal--

[chitownbob]

Move out if you need to but that will probably not resolve your issue.
Sounds like Mom may be worried but also may just need someone to talk to. And you have been elected.

Act like a grown-up. Its time to have "the talk". Establish some boundaries. Expect to make some compromises, since you live in her house.
Are you contributing to the household or are you leeching? At 19, presuming you have a job, you should be paying board.  And contributing to household chores, as you would if you had a roommate.
Lastly, mom may need a friend or boyfriend. Help her find one. Encourage her to date or go our with friends (things that interest them...).

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[chyros]

If my mum called me even once a week I'd go ****ing nuts xD . But she doesn't, she knows I live my own life.

[oledome]

It sounds like, from what you've said, you're going to get into some kind of argument over this anyway so you might as well get it over with. Nothing progresses until you raise the issue, just say while you appreciate the concern, her calling you like this shows a lack of trust on her part and makes you not want to talk to her on the phone. Next thing might be to set her ringtone to silent / no vibrate and you can call or text her back at your convenience. Next step is to move to Wynwood, grow your hair out and start making art, post the art here for critique.

[ghostdeini]

Step bro lives on his own. So it wouldn't be a terrible thing. It'd be a roommate situation where I wouldn't have to have my mom call me all the time. Or maybe that's backwards, maybe she'll call more.

I'm using an iphone for the week, so maybe I fiddle with find my friends and add my mom?

I would recommend against letting your mom use the "Find My Iphone" feature -- that will just let her track you at all times and actually worsens the situation. You want to establish healthy boundaries with your mom. If you live with her, it's hard to make up any ultimatums, but I think your best course of action is having a good sit-down talk with her. You need to make it clear that you understand her concern, but you also need independence as an adult. She needs to trust that she raised you with enough good judgment to make decisions on your own. Good luck!

[tp4tissue]

Move out if you need to but that will probably not resolve your issue.
Sounds like Mom may be worried but also may just need someone to talk to. And you have been elected.

Act like a grown-up. Its time to have "the talk". Establish some boundaries. Expect to make some compromises, since you live in her house.
Are you contributing to the household or are you leeching? At 19, presuming you have a job, you should be paying board.  And contributing to household chores, as you would if you had a roommate.
Lastly, mom may need a friend or boyfriend. Help her find one. Encourage her to date or go our with friends (things that interest them...).

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk

Are you insane..  male polar bears often kill the mother's pups so that he can have her to himself..


This behavior though not as violent in the human world, is almost just as pervasive among newly inducted males..

[tp4tissue]

Step bro lives on his own. So it wouldn't be a terrible thing. It'd be a roommate situation where I wouldn't have to have my mom call me all the time. Or maybe that's backwards, maybe she'll call more.

I'm using an iphone for the week, so maybe I fiddle with find my friends and add my mom?

I would recommend against letting your mom use the "Find My Iphone" feature -- that will just let her track you at all times and actually worsens the situation. You want to establish healthy boundaries with your mom. If you live with her, it's hard to make up any ultimatums, but I think your best course of action is having a good sit-down talk with her. You need to make it clear that you understand her concern, but you also need independence as an adult. She needs to trust that she raised you with enough good judgment to make decisions on your own. Good luck!

She be like,

why u at the liquor store..

why u at cvs at 9pm..

[Leslieann]

I understand that she's worried and wants to check up. But it's getting excessive compared to a few months ago. I give her a time when I'll be back home, tell her where I'm going and what I'll be doing. Everytime around 8, and then once again at 10(when she goes to sleep) I'll get a call asking when I'll be home and where I'm at. And I understand, cause a 19 year old out in Miami Beach usually means drinking and partying. But I don't drink(I'll sometimes smoke with some friends but that's it), I don't party, I have a pretty decent group of people that I trust and that aren't too into parties.

At 19 and still living at home, you are still under her thumb, to an extent.
That said, stop being at her beck and call.

I'm not saying ghost her, just answer less when she calls. Sometimes wait a bit and call her back with, "Sorry, we had some loud music going and I didn't hear it ring." Sorry, were in a theater and my phone was off." "Sorry, I was driving and couldn't answer."

This makes you responsible, but makes it less convenient for her, with luck, she will back off and stop calling so much. If she comes back with "you need to call back in X number of minutes", you know the relationship has become abusive and needs to change, either her getting help, or you getting out.

[tp4tissue]

I understand that she's worried and wants to check up. But it's getting excessive compared to a few months ago. I give her a time when I'll be back home, tell her where I'm going and what I'll be doing. Everytime around 8, and then once again at 10(when she goes to sleep) I'll get a call asking when I'll be home and where I'm at. And I understand, cause a 19 year old out in Miami Beach usually means drinking and partying. But I don't drink(I'll sometimes smoke with some friends but that's it), I don't party, I have a pretty decent group of people that I trust and that aren't too into parties.

At 19 and still living at home, you are still under her thumb, to an extent.
That said, stop being at her beck and call.

I'm not saying ghost her, just answer less when she calls. Sometimes wait a bit and call her back with, "Sorry, we had some loud music going and I didn't hear it ring." Sorry, were in a theater and my phone was off." "Sorry, I was driving and couldn't answer."

This makes you responsible, but makes it less convenient for her, with luck, she will back off and stop calling so much. If she comes back with "you need to call back in X number of minutes", you know the relationship has become abusive and needs to change, either her getting help, or you getting out.

Not so sure keeping this distance is good for her mental health

She can't call anyone else..  it's just hunterangel121..

[noisyturtle]

It used to bug me when mom called and I was doin' stuff, but as I get older it bugs me less and less because I realize that one day she won't be there to talk to so I try to appreciate the moment even if it is sometimes inopportune.
The last few years my grandma was alive I'd just started college and we kind of rekindled our relationship talking around once a week or so. That didn't last very long, perhaps a year or so before the Alzheimer's started setting in. Fairly quickly she started missing my calls here and there, sometimes calling me by the wrong name, other times forgetting a simple word. Eventually she stopped answering her phone altogether, and when next I was able to see her in person her mind was gone completely. She was just an empty shell of skin. I dunno what made me start calling her again for that year but I'm glad I did, and that experience has made me more patient with my own parents during our subsequent calls.

All that said, I find saying "Aww mom I was just about to sit down and eat ____" (apply the pretense of 'late' if it's a weird time to eat a meal)

[Elrick]

If my mum called me even once a week I'd go ****ing nuts xD . But she doesn't, she knows I live my own life.

Same here BUT mine happens to now reside 6 foot down, so I would indeed freak out if she phoned me today or tomorrow  .

[chuckdee]

I understand that she's worried and wants to check up. But it's getting excessive compared to a few months ago. I give her a time when I'll be back home, tell her where I'm going and what I'll be doing. Everytime around 8, and then once again at 10(when she goes to sleep) I'll get a call asking when I'll be home and where I'm at. And I understand, cause a 19 year old out in Miami Beach usually means drinking and partying. But I don't drink(I'll sometimes smoke with some friends but that's it), I don't party, I have a pretty decent group of people that I trust and that aren't too into parties.

Is there any way that I can talk to her without a massive lecture or a fight between us? I've always had trouble trying to talk to her because it turns into a lecture and becomes repetitive.

At your age, you shouldn't be worried about lectures or fights.  Approach her, and tell her how you feel, and perhaps come to a middle ground, i.e. let her know that you will keep her mildly informed of your plans for the night, and will call if you're going to stay out past some fixed time (it's her house after all, and she's alone other than you).  If it turns into something that you don't want to do, then you've done your part- you're under no obligation to be lectured nor yelled at, so disengage.

I'd also say take a close look at that line, "But it's getting excessive compared to a few months ago.".  Why?  There has to be a reason, and if you can figure out what happened that might have caused that, you might be able to take care of the root cause.

However, I'd caution to try to see her side.  What an older person considers reasonable, a younger person takes as a lecture, so you should take a look at yourself and your reactions too.  You should try your best to find middle ground, because she's the only mother you have or will ever have.

Hope that helps!  I'd love to have these problems, in all honesty.  Not having my mother is a lot worse than the arguments and lectures I received at your age.

[clappingcactus]

It used to bug me when mom called and I was doin' stuff, but as I get older it bugs me less and less because I realize that one day she won't be there to talk to so I try to appreciate the moment even if it is sometimes inopportune.

Thank you for being sane. Your mom only has you, OP. Be appreciative of the fact that she depends on you and cares for you. A good middle ground would be to call her when it IS a good opportunity for you to say 'k mom, going to be busy with friends for the next two hours. we're doing ___, if you call I might not pick up'. Preemptively let her know you're okay.

And ignore much of the advice in this thread. It's really inhumane on a weird level.

[tp4tissue]

Hope that helps!  I'd love to have these problems, in all honesty.  Not having my mother is a lot worse than the arguments and lectures I received at your age.

Chuckdee is stupid in almost all of the ways possible.

However, he is right about mothers..



Mothers are in the end human beings.. Human beings don't live for very long...  Each new generation will preceive the old generation as having outdated software.

But it's far more important to receive the GOOD aspects of their legacy drivers/ file systems, rather than fight the update entirely..

Because sooner or later,  that old machine breaks,  and you will be #True-Ronery..



At least in Sifo culture,  wives are disposable.. Mothers are not.. This ODD juxtaposition exists for a reason..

The one person LEAST likely to harm you (On purpose) should theoretically be your best friend/ most trusted advisor.

[chuckdee]

Hope that helps!  I'd love to have these problems, in all honesty.  Not having my mother is a lot worse than the arguments and lectures I received at your age.

Chuckdee is stupid in almost all of the ways possible.

I could say the same about you.  But I won't.  Instead I leave you with this:

[tp4tissue]

Show Image

Hahaha.. dude, you're old and you're gonna die soon.. About 10 years left before you become incontinent, if you're not that already.. 

Let me teach you something, There's nothing you can win against someone on the internet..

Stop playing at being immature, you're just reaching now. hahaha..

[chuckdee]

Show Image

Hahaha.. dude, you're old and you're gonna die soon.. About 10 years left before you become incontinent, if you're not that already.. 

Let me teach you something, There's nothing you can win against someone on the internet..

Stop playing at being immature, you're just reaching now. hahaha..

You think I'm old.  Ok.

[tp4tissue]

Show Image

Hahaha.. dude, you're old and you're gonna die soon.. About 10 years left before you become incontinent, if you're not that already.. 

Let me teach you something, There's nothing you can win against someone on the internet..

Stop playing at being immature, you're just reaching now. hahaha..

You think I'm old.  Ok.

If not, then you're --Just Stupid--..

pick one.. and be happy.. hahahahha.,.

[chyros]

You have to make it clear that you're living a life of your own, which brings with it separation from your parents.

[tp4tissue]

You have to make it clear that you're living a life of your own, which brings with it separation from your parents.

There's no real difference between -Independence- and -disconnection-..  They will be perceived in the same way, because proximity is the determinant cost on how humans handle their interactive behavior.

So, however hunterangel121 may attempt to frame his extracurriculars via words and discussion,  Relative to his mother, she is still losing a source of intimacy/friendship..


This increase in distance at a vulnerable point in her life, is what needs to be more deeply evaluated prior to any Rash action in the name of Teenage-angst.

[Leslieann]

You have to make it clear that you're living a life of your own, which brings with it separation from your parents.

That only works so well when living under their roof.

[chyros]

You have to make it clear that you're living a life of your own, which brings with it separation from your parents.

That only works so well when living under their roof.

Well I had to go through that just recently as I moved in with them for two months or so. My mum wanted me to be there with everything they did, so I had to talk it out with her that I have my own life to live.

That said, I really don't like being here and will move back out as soon as I can. You really might want to live on your own if you can at all afford it.

[OfTheWild]

I wish this was even on the radar as a problem in my life that mattered. Cancer killed my dad last summer, your time with your parents is limited, sir. When my mom calls... i stop what i'm doing and talk until she's done. 

[tp4tissue]

I wish this was even on the radar as a problem in my life that mattered. Cancer killed my dad last summer, your time with your parents is limited, sir. When my mom calls... i stop what i'm doing and talk until she's done. 

/Moved

[Mechboards]

Suggest texting instead. Say you can't call you're about to watch a movie, or can't call out for dinner. She'll eventually get the message you can't call, but you can still talk to her and that's all she needs.

[tp4tissue]

Suggest texting instead. Say you can't call you're about to watch a movie, or can't call out for dinner. She'll eventually get the message you can't call, but you can still talk to her and that's all she needs.

Hahahaha..

One thing Tp4 learned from the aristocracy,  Don't lie unless you HAVE TO.. it can only create unforeseen problems.

[chitownbob]

Move out if you need to but that will probably not resolve your issue.
Sounds like Mom may be worried but also may just need someone to talk to. And you have been elected.

Act like a grown-up. Its time to have "the talk". Establish some boundaries. Expect to make some compromises, since you live in her house.
Are you contributing to the household or are you leeching? At 19, presuming you have a job, you should be paying board.  And contributing to household chores, as you would if you had a roommate.
Lastly, mom may need a friend or boyfriend. Help her find one. Encourage her to date or go our with friends (things that interest them...).

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk

Are you insane..  male polar bears often kill the mother's pups so that he can have her to himself..


This behavior though not as violent in the human world, is almost just as pervasive among newly inducted males..

Insane? That's pretty funny.

I find your polar bear quote quite interesting. What is your source?

I always thought male polar bears would kill female polar bear's young because they are not the male's offspring... Females are fairly sexually active as a means of survival, similar to lions, and their brood may have several fathers. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polar_bear)

And how exactly did you mean for this this to apply in OP's situation?  This had me a bit confused.


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[chitownbob]

Hope that helps!  I'd love to have these problems, in all honesty.  Not having my mother is a lot worse than the arguments and lectures I received at your age.

Chuckdee is stupid in almost all of the ways possible.

However, he is right about mothers..



Mothers are in the end human beings.. Human beings don't live for very long...  Each new generation will preceive the old generation as having outdated software.

But it's far more important to receive the GOOD aspects of their legacy drivers/ file systems, rather than fight the update entirely..

Because sooner or later,  that old machine breaks,  and you will be #True-Ronery..



At least in Sifo culture,  wives are disposable.. Mothers are not.. This ODD juxtaposition exists for a reason..

The one person LEAST likely to harm you (On purpose) should theoretically be your best friend/ most trusted advisor.

Ouch.
 Sounds like you may have some bad blood going with Chuck.
Otherwise, couldn't you have said that you disagree with most of his posts, instead of the personal attack?

Seriously, it only serves to make you both look bad.

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