Man. Makes me sad that so many people have gone through these situations, but then i'm glad to keep reading and find out there's a bright side!
I'm not entering, nor do i have something horrible happen to me (i'm sure bad things, but nothing horrible) but id just want to talk about something that came to mind when reading this, and as mentioned, I'm just spilling my guts because it's nice to get it out.
My father wasnt a bad parent, but just wasnt home much or supported me in anything I did do to the fact that he was always busy working or lacked any interested in what I was doing. Seeing how he immigrated from Mexico, never finished middle school, and hardly new any English, he couldnt exactly be helping me in school, or even knew anything that was suppose to be done to help benefit me and my education, and to an extent my future.
Since i seemed to have lacked a father figure, I looked toward my half-brother (he's 10 or so years older than me), who also immigrated from Mexico with my mother when she came over. He grew up as a teenager here in the states so he learned English fairly well and graduated high school. My brother was a major influence on my life, and he would help me with everything he could since my dad was always busy. He taught me how to drive stick, picked me up from school, took me to the store, library, or wherever. Like most people, you learn about cars by helping your father fix cars, handing them tools and then getting your hands dirty and assigning you simple tasks. He was the one who asked me to help him. He was my father when my real one couldnt be there.
My father is an electrician, and my brother worked with him for many years. My father is a stubborn ass man, and everyone knows it. When he gets mad, he'll bring up random things he has a problem with that have no relation to what he's doing or what you're talking to him about.
You're arguing with him about how you need something for school but he wont take you to get it? Well he's not gonna take you because you didnt wash the dishes 2 days ago.
Anyway. My brother has had to deal with him for many years, on the job and at home. If anything went wrong on the job, he'd use that as ammunition if they ever got into an argument. My brother was a heavy drinker (and i dont doubt it was because of my dad) and so my dad would always get on his case about it, although it didnt affect his work and he wasnt getting into trouble. My brother stopped drinking as much, but my dad still gets on his case about every little thing.
One day, my brother decided he had enough, and left for good. He talked to me as if he was a father leaving his kid after a divorce. I was in my early teens.
I've always had a a hate for my dad because of it. Always arguing with him, disliking his decisions and reasoning for things. I even got to a point where i left home, making my mother cry because my dad had kicked me out. I was only gone for a week or so till things cooled down, and i dont beleive we ever talked about it.
My girlfriend was there through it all.She would always talk to me and question me on why I always argued with my dad and why we never got along because she couldn't understand. She made me come to terms that I hated him for making my brother leave, and for never helping me with anything that I felt was something important. She was the reason I was able to stay out of trouble the rest of the time i lived with my parents. I stopped fighting with my father once i realized I couldn't get mad at his decisions or the things he said.
She made my life tremendously better. Convincing me to go back to school and even attend my graduation ceremony (although i REALLY didnt want to). Sadly, my parents went to Mexico the day of my graduation. I was upset, but my girlfriend was there for me when I finally ended up talking about it months later.
I've moved in with my girlfriend and that's about it. Life is a lot better because of her. I'm going to school (once again) to get a degree in Computer Networking, I have purchased a car (extra tid bit - my dad has never given me a vehicle to learn to drive on and has given me no money toward purchasing a car) and i'm physically and mentally healthier than i've ever been.
SO i guess thanks dad for being an ass!
Also some more tid bits.
- He continues to be an ass to my sisters who live with him, busting their balls about every little thing. Hopefully they move out soon and dont have to deal with him.
- I had asked him to help me by buying me my first car (or at least letting me borrow a car) [keep in mind, we're talking about buying a UUUUUSED car, like 100k miles used] and reminded him i needed it to get to school since my girlfriend would have a completely different schedule than me so i couldnt use her car. He never did anything about it, and then he bought himself a work truck and bought my sister a car because her old one was breaking down. He had no plans on buying a truck but my mom said he bought it because he thought it was a "good deal". I then had my girlfriend's parent front the rest of the money for the car i needed to buy. Her parents have taken me in and have helped me GREATLY when my dad has fallen short, which is always. So a GIIIIANT THANK YOU to them
-One of my sisters has 2 kids and she wasn't that great at taking care of them and their father is not around. They were a reason I felt i needed to stay living there. I always felt i couldnt leave them as my brother left me and I needed to be there for them.
