Okay Hasu and fohat - I managed, with the remap process, was able to fix the numpad enter, numpad +, numpad *, numpad /, and num lock.
However, I don't know how to fix numpad "-", Pause, Scroll lock, Print Screen, or ESC, because those aren't giving me any output. They send signals into the computer, I know because keyboardtester.com registers a keypress (though it doesn't indicate anything ACTUALLY being pressed), and also HID_Listen.exe sees something. But I don't know what it thinks those keys are. How do I fix these?
By the way thanks for the help. Saving my ****in life here.
Nevermind, got it. Figured out the part of the HID_Listen output are Hex codes. Used that to figure out what the keyboard was trying to send, then remap them. Damn guys, couldn't have done it without you. ****ing lifesavers.