You do sound picky.
I find it easier to learn one layout 100% and get on with life. And this is a pretty standard laptop layout.
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This, but it is more to use with my Mini9, as that is the only laptop I actually have. Though I do take it to work as well, since scissor switches still top cheap membrane keyboards.
At $18 USD, its about a tenth of what I have into my Filco, so certainly don't feel as bad about tossing it in my bag and then tossing the bag around as much.