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geekhack Community => Off Topic => Topic started by: tp4tissue on Sun, 09 December 2012, 17:22:39
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Like many of you I've been gifted and cursed with a sedentary lifestyle with no hopes place upon my shoulders whatsoever.
The past few months, I've grown ever more tired of the web. For the past few days, I had almost completely logged off.
In these brief moments, I felt nothing, not lonely, not sad, completely neutral. As if my entire life before had been an impartial interpreter of digital information.
There's a disorder for this, hmm............. :-X
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Drugs are the answer.
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I'd say the answer is probably spending more time outdoors.
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Drugs are the answer.
I just stopped drinking at night.
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I'd say the answer is probably spending more time outdoors.
I remember going outside when I was younger, and playing with other kids. It was always a push from the parents and them saying I was going to be super fat if I stayed home all the time...
The fat thing never happened, but I also did not developed any endearing memories of the outdoors.
I am "not" agoraphobic. I drive to go buy things at stores.
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Spend more time with nature - go for a hike in a wooded area or spend some time walking in a park.
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
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Yea from personal experience I'm going to go ahead and say - drugs or alcohol are NOT the answer.
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42 is The Answer. But what was the question?
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Would you say you have become comfortably numb?
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“The absurd man will not commit suicide; he wants to live, without relinquishing any of his certainty, without a future, without hope, without illusions … and without resignation either. He stares at death with passionate attention and this fascination liberates him. He experiences the “divine irresponsibility” of the condemned man.”
Jean-Paul Satre
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
I was thinking more along the lines of marijuana. But if you are depressed, that might not be the way to go.
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
I was thinking more along the lines of marijuana. But if you are depressed, that might not be the way to go.
Weed, speed, and LSD...
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Dude, what's going on? Are you ok? Don't do anything stupid.
It's ok to burn out, lose interest in things, feel aimless. I think of it as a cycle. Something you do routinely becomes a little too important for a little too long, and one day you realize this and shut down. Reprioritize. The web is a valuable resource, but it's a resource, not a way of life and should not substitute for 'real' things. Human interaction is paramount, and sunlight, physical excersize (find anything you like, otherwise you will absolutely HATE it). It's all about balance, or I should say TRYING to balance various parts of life. And goals.
After my 2012, I'm an expert on jacked up shizz...you can fix this, it's easy.
For the record, in a couple weeks I'm crossing 2012 off the calendar like it never happened.
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
I was thinking more along the lines of marijuana. But if you are depressed, that might not be the way to go.
Weed, speed, and LSD...
Or perhaps Welbutrin, Klonopin, or Mescaline. (One of these things is not like the others!)
Human contact is always good for such things as well.
Good luck!
- Ron | samwisekoi
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Dude, what's going on? Are you ok? Don't do anything stupid.
It's ok to burn out, lose interest in things, feel aimless. I think of it as a cycle. Something you do routinely becomes a little too important for a little too long, and one day you realize this and shut down. Reprioritize. The web is a valuable resource, but it's a resource, not a way of life and should not substitute for 'real' things. Human interaction is paramount, and sunlight, physical excersize (find anything you like, otherwise you will absolutely HATE it). It's all about balance, or I should say TRYING to balance various parts of life. And goals.
After my 2012, I'm an expert on jacked up shizz...you can fix this, it's easy.
For the record, in a couple weeks I'm crossing 2012 off the calendar like it never happened.
Haha, thx for the uplift. I'm don't feel hopeless, only jaded, with nothing left in me besides indifference.
I used to feel something when i see hungry children commercials, or images of sad animals. Now, knowing that those children and animals were a "choice" for good or for worse by another conscious being, I am devoid of any emotional response.
I can say that I'm almost completely rational.
Being this way, I ask myself, what does the world really need. The world is already so awesome, yet for whatever reason, I am completely detached.
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When I was in a similar situation this book helped me out: "The Power of Now" - Eckhart Tolle.
amazoned..
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
I was thinking more along the lines of marijuana. But if you are depressed, that might not be the way to go.
Weed is for children.
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
I was thinking more along the lines of marijuana. But if you are depressed, that might not be the way to go.
Weed is for children.
I don't think marijuana would do it. Also, I'm not depressed. If I were, I'd be much less alarmed about my mental state.
All the textbooks say that feeling nothing is the worst of all..
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Detachment is pretty common and there are many ways to end up there. For some it's a defense mechanism from having too much **** thrown at them all at once. For others it's the result of being too defensive to the point of detachment being a choice.
If you do not find something that grabs on and really interests you this is where you stay. If you want to help your mind stay healthy you need to keep your body healthy as well. Don't sit on the couch and do nothing as an active body helps the mind stay active and find interest in things. I found that once I reached a state of detachment physical labor was a relief from the tedium of nothingness. I lost myself in the physical and could keep hammering away at it for hours at a time. A couple months later I had all kinds of things catching my interest.
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Alaric's advice is sound. "Action may not always be happiness … but there is no happiness without action." (Benjamin Disraeli) My advice would be to find something you fear or normally avoid and consciously pursue it. Maybe that's communing with nature, or maybe it's talking to women, or taking up a hobby, or just smiling at people in the supermarket.
Don't try to force yourself to feel something, or pretend you do. Accept your detachment for what it is, but don't allow it to determine your actions.
Don't start a substance dependency.
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
I was thinking more along the lines of marijuana. But if you are depressed, that might not be the way to go.
Weed is for children.
I don't think marijuana would do it.
salvia divinorum definitely will.
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Drugs are the answer.
Exactly what I was going to say. Copious hard drugs.
I was thinking more along the lines of marijuana. But if you are depressed, that might not be the way to go.
Weed is for children.
I don't think marijuana would do it.
salvia divinorum definitely will.
Yep. But stay away from the more powerful ****.
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“The absurd man will not commit suicide; he wants to live, without relinquishing any of his certainty, without a future, without hope, without illusions … and without resignation either. He stares at death with passionate attention and this fascination liberates him. He experiences the “divine irresponsibility” of the condemned man.”
Jean-Paul Satre
Great quote. :D Sartre fan here.
Lots of good advice here so far, too. Similar to what alaric said, try to create some very small new personal goals for yourself on a daily basis. Schedule them out, write them down, and be as rigid as you can; this makes them more tangible subconsciously and will help with a feeling of fulfillment and purpose. In essence you may just need to feel more productive, and that does not necessarily have anything to do with the general societal view of productivity.
Some things to try would be yoga, walking, other light exercise, meditation, reading AND writing (even if you just write notes in the margins), volunteering, spending scheduled "out" time with family and/or friends, etc.
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Having had a fairly rough year it would feel wrong not saying anything. I hope you don't mind. I also realize that
what I have to say might not apply, feel free to skip it.
Do you feel that anhedonia describe your situation well? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia) Not brought on
by drug-abuse or injury ofc.
I have heard a lot of talk about mood disorders being the result of loss of spirituality which bothers me as an atheist,
but it was certainly a part of what happened (of course it doesn't help that it is impossible for me to convey any emotion,
I showed up at work one day in tears, complete train wreck, only guy to notice anything thought I had a cold). Like 'white' says
from The Sunset Limited: "The forms I see have been slowly emptied out, they no longer have any content; They are just
shapes: a train, a wall..." Btw, if you haven't seen it yet you should. Samuel L. Jackson as a badass preacher.
I tried replacing some of that spirituality with something non-religious, in the end what finally spoke to me was the idea
from Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid
(http://www.amazon.com/G%C3%B6del-Escher-Bach-Eternal-Golden/dp/0465026567/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355173398&sr=8-1&keywords=godel+echer+bach)
that intelligence can arise from very simple elements.
Long story short, I got out of it. Don't really know how. Still feel strongly that the pessimistic view of the world I had is still right (*caugh* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism *caugh*)
it doesn't really matter. Despite the hopelessness, life just goes on and some days can be fairly good, no need to panic.
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Having had a fairly rough year it would feel wrong not saying anything. I hope you don't mind. I also realize that
what I have to say might not apply, feel free to skip it.
Do you feel that anhedonia describe your situation well? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia) Not brought on
by drug-abuse or injury ofc.
I have heard a lot of talk about mood disorders being the result of loss of spirituality which bothers me as an atheist,
but it was certainly a part of what happened (of course it doesn't help that it is impossible for me to convey any emotion,
I showed up at work one day in tears, complete train wreck, only guy to notice anything thought I had a cold). Like 'white' says
from The Sunset Limited: "The forms I see have been slowly emptied out, they no longer have any content; They are just
shapes: a train, a wall..." Btw, if you haven't seen it yet you should. Samuel L. Jackson as a badass preacher.
I tried replacing some of that spirituality with something non-religious, in the end what finally spoke to me was the idea
from Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid
(http://www.amazon.com/G%C3%B6del-Escher-Bach-Eternal-Golden/dp/0465026567/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355173398&sr=8-1&keywords=godel+echer+bach)
that intelligence can arise from very simple elements.
Long story short, I got out of it. Don't really know how. Still feel strongly that the pessimistic view of the world I had is still right (*caugh* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism *caugh*)
it doesn't really matter. Despite the hopelessness, life just goes on and some days can be fairly good, no need to panic.
Hey man, yes much of the above describe my situation well. Though I am different in that my emotions don't seem to work at all. I am not timid or in panic or stressed. I recall that when i used to wake up, there were urges to start the day, to start living. But my recent attitude is complete emptiness.
Emotionally i feel no swing of mood whatsoever. I don't feel dizzy, but I have no orientation.
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I don't think marijuana would do it. Also, I'm not depressed. If I were, I'd be much less alarmed about my mental state.
All the textbooks say that feeling nothing is the worst of all..
And that my friend is drepression. Your posts reflect it (and have). Not that your "much less alarmed" rubric couldn't be true, but it seems unlikely to be an accurate or even usefull measure of ones mental state. Seems painfully obvious. Hope you get out of it soon, perhaps by seeking qualified help? Especially if it's a different mental dissorder.
Good luck to you and take it easy.
On an unrelated note:
I'd say the answer is probably spending more time outdoors.
Been seeing you around a lot more lately KL. I know you got a GF and you ditched us. So I take it now that you're back, no GF?
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You hit up the gym regularly? When I get home after work I make it so that I literally change into workout attire then hit the gym on my workout days. I barely have any time after that to do anything else. During my "off" days, I do cardio in the morning, then do archery or something fun with friends.
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Go outside and just learn to enjoy the moment. It truly is a lifesaver.
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Hope you get out of it soon, perhaps by seeking qualified help?
This. Definitely try out some psychologists and/or psychiatrists. Better to do it sooner than later as you may dig yourself into a deeper hole. Best of luck, tp4.
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I've been living with detachment for a very long time. The only thing left that clings me on to life is my close friends and my hobbies/interest/distractions which are often short lived.
Death is absolute. I wish for it but will not take my own life.
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:rolleyes:
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I've been living with detachment for a very long time. The only thing left that clings me on to life is my close friends and my hobbies/interest/distractions which are often short lived.
Death is absolute. I wish for it but will not take my own life.
Sigh........
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Sigh........
After seeing the mad state the world is in, the more the quote below becomes more apparent.
So I concluded that the dead are better off than the living. - Ecclesiastes 4:2
I'm no Christian but I do know a fair bit about religions.
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The world is a ****ed up place but, IMO, it's no reason to get yourself down. There's no use in worrying about events that are beyond your control. It's more positive and productive to focus on things that you can do now to improve your life and the lives of others around you. Focus on things that you can impact and it will make a big impact.
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The world is a ****ed up place but, IMO, it's no reason to get yourself down. There's no use in worrying about events that are beyond your control. It's more positive and productive to focus on things that you can do now to improve your life and the lives of others around you. Focus on things that you can impact and it will make a big impact.
I think you guys are all misunderstanding me.
I believe the world to be a great place, and everything is as it should be. Just day to day, I have less and less drive to actively participate.
I see my end game, I am not worried about it, but none of it seems to captivate me.
I've logically arrived at this condition that i am in. My "doubt" of myself is due to external perceptions of my condition from textbooks. Where feeling nothing is a form of neuroses
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edit: this is a tangential response to the "this world is so ****ed up" comments
Focusing on the ****ty things that happen is a mistake. And I don't just mean that from a "feel good and keep a positive attitude" perspective.
The fact that humans are even able to make these kinds of distinctions is astounding. Think of all the levels of complexity and abstraction that exist between subatomic particles and concepts like love and joy and beauty and generosity. The universe is amazing and wonderful, from its very structure to its visual aesthetics to its ability to host living things like us.
The natural order is brutal and unforgiving. That too has its own beauty if you look at it and learn about it. Animals kill each other and exploit advantages. It's how growth occurs and over time it produces the amazing diversity and interconnected ecosystems we enjoy and depend on. Humans being ****ty to one another is a manifestation of this. So to me the best way to look at humanity is to be amazed at the good and helpful things that we *do* do for one another, not despair because we fall short of an imaginary utopia.
The ground truth is that **** happens. Accept that and you can derive joy and happiness from the deviations from that norm.
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So, you've decided to be a Vulcan. Live Long and Prosper, just like Spock (without emotion). Being amorphous and apathetic can actually be detrimental to your health.
swagpirate brought up 'hitting the gym'. That does get the endorphins running, and some other brain chemicals. Sunlight also can be very good.
I would recommend taking up a new hobby, perhaps vehicle maintenance? ( :P then I could bug you on fixing my cars :P )
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i can relate to this, sat a course dropped out, alot of my friends moved on. keep busy find new hobbies and get drunk once in a while is the best solution.
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Bro, if I am to be honest to you that is depression. A lot of the time it comes slowly without you noticing. Your life may be going great and all but it happens even though you don't want it to. Dont do drugs. You dont know if it will make you feel better or worse. I know it is hard to start excersie when most of your life has been on the computer but if need to, get a trainer, home gym, books, martial art club, whatever but most likeley you won't like it or just don't know what to do. Feeling nothing or not caring is depression. If you are more serious l, somewhere like a medical forum would be more suitable. I just wouldn't really do it here. Best wishes.
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I don't think it's really depression. I was the same way, I pretty much lived in front of my computer for a while and got most of my 'emotional responses' from it's content. I was flooded with cute cat pics, depressing stories of loss, funny GIF's, learning, you name it you can find it on the internet! After a while I didn't get the same thing out of my day to day life. The best and most accurate way I can liken it is to (in my own personal experience) sex and watching porn. Porn is like the 'best of' or 'top 10' which is what our generation (80's, 90's, 00's) is becoming, I fear, addicted to, and so when it hits in real life in my experience it was weird because I was saying to myself oh it'd be better if this person were a porn star, or this that and the other thing, and I found that I didn't really enjoy it. I think the problem is for you is that your mind has become used to the internet to stimulate it and it's gotten used to a level of stimulation that the internet can provide because it's constant and instant. Look at reddit or 4chan, don't like the topic you're reading about (which keep in mind it's keywords that are used to target audiences) then fine, go onto the next one, and so on and so forth. When you're out in the real world it doesn't happen like that, there isn't the instant gratification everywhere that were used to. I think the problem is that you've gotten to the point where you've eclipsed the amount of stimulation the internet can throw at you, and you're bored with it and you want more, which I think is a perfectly normal human response, but what you have to do is to find ways to limit time that you spend receiving instant gratification and get into the habit of doing things that take longer and have more meaningful rewards and really switch your thought process around.
Another personal life example is I smoked a lot of pot in my early college years, so much so that it started to take over my life. Eventually I just wanted to be high, I'd wake up and smoke, smoke all day, do stuff to buy time between smoking sessions, and then rinse and repeat. Eventually I found myself at a similar crossroads where I was completely out of whack with society and expectations because it was easier for me to sit on a couch and get high all day than go to classes, spend time studying, going to work and etc... I went through a crisis or sorts, and through help went the complete opposite and totally devoted myself to school and when I started to see good grades and success there then I realized the most meaningful life lesson I've learned yet, which is balance is everything. You need those instant gratifications from time to time because they keep you sane along the way to greater accomplishments, but you need to be working towards those greater goals as well otherwise when you've gotten tired of those instant gratifications because they don't hold the same power as they used to, what are you left with? You're left with yourself and where you are in the moment, which can be the most exciting or the scariest thing in the world. After failing out of college, I'm now a 4.0 student who gets drunk 1-2 nights a week and can keep up with it all, and I've regained a lot of those feelings that I thought were lost.
Feel free to PM me if anything I've said clicks with you and you wanna talk, it can be a bit scary feeling,.
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Reading all the responses again, I think you just need to get rid of the ambivalent attitude you've adopted, and start doing something that you normally don't do.
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I don't think it's really depression. I was the same way, I pretty much lived in front of my computer for a while and got most of my 'emotional responses' from it's content. I was flooded with cute cat pics, depressing stories of loss, funny GIF's, learning, you name it you can find it on the internet! After a while I didn't get the same thing out of my day to day life. The best and most accurate way I can liken it is to (in my own personal experience) sex and watching porn. Porn is like the 'best of' or 'top 10' which is what our generation (80's, 90's, 00's) is becoming, I fear, addicted to, and so when it hits in real life in my experience it was weird because I was saying to myself oh it'd be better if this person were a porn star, or this that and the other thing, and I found that I didn't really enjoy it. I think the problem is for you is that your mind has become used to the internet to stimulate it and it's gotten used to a level of stimulation that the internet can provide because it's constant and instant. Look at reddit or 4chan, don't like the topic you're reading about (which keep in mind it's keywords that are used to target audiences) then fine, go onto the next one, and so on and so forth. When you're out in the real world it doesn't happen like that, there isn't the instant gratification everywhere that were used to. I think the problem is that you've gotten to the point where you've eclipsed the amount of stimulation the internet can throw at you, and you're bored with it and you want more, which I think is a perfectly normal human response, but what you have to do is to find ways to limit time that you spend receiving instant gratification and get into the habit of doing things that take longer and have more meaningful rewards and really switch your thought process around.
Another personal life example is I smoked a lot of pot in my early college years, so much so that it started to take over my life. Eventually I just wanted to be high, I'd wake up and smoke, smoke all day, do stuff to buy time between smoking sessions, and then rinse and repeat. Eventually I found myself at a similar crossroads where I was completely out of whack with society and expectations because it was easier for me to sit on a couch and get high all day than go to classes, spend time studying, going to work and etc... I went through a crisis or sorts, and through help went the complete opposite and totally devoted myself to school and when I started to see good grades and success there then I realized the most meaningful life lesson I've learned yet, which is balance is everything. You need those instant gratifications from time to time because they keep you sane along the way to greater accomplishments, but you need to be working towards those greater goals as well otherwise when you've gotten tired of those instant gratifications because they don't hold the same power as they used to, what are you left with? You're left with yourself and where you are in the moment, which can be the most exciting or the scariest thing in the world. After failing out of college, I'm now a 4.0 student who gets drunk 1-2 nights a week and can keep up with it all, and I've regained a lot of those feelings that I thought were lost.
Feel free to PM me if anything I've said clicks with you and you wanna talk, it can be a bit scary feeling,.
I Agree the internet is a large part of why I feel the way I feel.. Everything you've said clicks with me.
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Reading all the responses again, I think you just need to get rid of the ambivalent attitude you've adopted, and start doing something that you normally don't do.
I am planning to go outside and make more AFK friends... The problem is.. I graduated college already, and my Job is "home-sourced"... So, I'm not quite sure where to find people my age..
I'd like to try to avoid Bars and Clubs because I always catch colds from sick people that shouldn't be partying..
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Go pick up some slutty fat hoes. Or skinny ones, they work too.
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Go pick up some slutty fat hoes. Or skinny ones, they work too.
This is usually how I catch a cold.
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Gotta give some to gain some :D
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Reading all the responses again, I think you just need to get rid of the ambivalent attitude you've adopted, and start doing something that you normally don't do.
I am planning to go outside and make more AFK friends... The problem is.. I graduated college already, and my Job is "home-sourced"... So, I'm not quite sure where to find people my age..
I'd like to try to avoid Bars and Clubs because I always catch colds from sick people that shouldn't be partying..
If you're into hobbies just get active with them, there are tons of communities everywhere unless you're home-sourced job is in Antarctica where you're only friends are penguins, then yeah it'd be a bit hard to find like minded buddies. I don't really go to bards to meet people, I don't like the scene of people who go there to meet peeps, reminds me of college parties and people who are just trying to get laid... If you're into outdoors groups there are lots of groups like the AMC or something who generally do hikes and overnight trips and all that jazz and outdoorsy people are generally super inclusive and nice. Also it may sound corny, but if your local library has events like talks or presentations of stuff that'd be a good place to meet people. You'll probably get a lot of older people but I'm sure you'd get some people around your age there.
Again though, it's not that it's hard to find like minded people out in the real world, it's just easier and requires less work to find them on the internet ;)
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Reading all the responses again, I think you just need to get rid of the ambivalent attitude you've adopted, and start doing something that you normally don't do.
I am planning to go outside and make more AFK friends... The problem is.. I graduated college already, and my Job is "home-sourced"... So, I'm not quite sure where to find people my age..
I'd like to try to avoid Bars and Clubs because I always catch colds from sick people that shouldn't be partying..
If you're into hobbies just get active with them, there are tons of communities everywhere unless you're home-sourced job is in Antarctica where you're only friends are penguins, then yeah it'd be a bit hard to find like minded buddies. I don't really go to bards to meet people, I don't like the scene of people who go there to meet peeps, reminds me of college parties and people who are just trying to get laid... If you're into outdoors groups there are lots of groups like the AMC or something who generally do hikes and overnight trips and all that jazz and outdoorsy people are generally super inclusive and nice. Also it may sound corny, but if your local library has events like talks or presentations of stuff that'd be a good place to meet people. You'll probably get a lot of older people but I'm sure you'd get some people around your age there.
Again though, it's not that it's hard to find like minded people out in the real world, it's just easier and requires less work to find them on the internet ;)
I try to get out, but they keep pulling me back in.. :-X
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It's all about habits. I used to feel like I was 'needed' in the online community, but if you start to ween your way off of it you'll find it's easier to spend more time doing other stuff, again balance is key here.
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Self improvement books. They don't mean you are a bad person but a person that cares enough to want to learn something new. Go to the book store and pick up a few, maybe there will be someththing that you like.
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Not gonna go down the, you're depressed, route but are you missing some challenge in life?
I read this and a lot of what you describe resonates. I've lost direction a few times and none of the set goals, meet people, focus on human relationships, exercise, ever helped me but it is cyclical as someone else already said. Sometimes you just get to feeling there really is little point or impact.
Things that balanced me out in the past:
Learning how to service and maintain my car. Knew nothing about it before and had a sense of achievement after - I know something useful now.
Took up drawing for a bit, still crap at it but I created something. Felt like a productive use of my time.
Built my own pc
Learned martial arts
Read a book: Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance is one everyone should read.
Study a new subject - not formally, just ask how something works and go research, learn a language, do something out of character. You sound bored so do something different.
Don't know if any of that is helpful but sometimes just deciding to do something you haven't done before can give you a new perspective on other things. Hope you feel back in balance soon.