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geekhack Marketplace => Bro Caps => Artisan Services => The Athenaeum => Topic started by: Michael on Thu, 20 March 2014, 01:39:29

Title: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Michael on Thu, 20 March 2014, 01:39:29

IT'S ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL TIME!!!!

The winners:

1st Place: Key-Fu
2nd Place: riotonthebay


And there were some really awesome entries that I will be sending a PM to!

Thanks everyone for participating. This was really fun, and I really enjoyed reading all of them. Hope you all had fun too!

(http://i.imgur.com/v0IOYMC.gif)





(http://i.imgur.com/i5FRc.gif)





I have a couple of ZomBro's to give away. All you need to do, is to write your zombie survival story. How would you survive? How would you prepare for the impending apocalypse?

Looking for some creative writing here!

I will be choosing a winner and a runner-up. The winner will also receive dibs on a new design I am revealing tomorrow.




RULES:

1. One contest entry per person.
2. Don't copy and paste from google :p
3. Be creative

Contest ends March 25th at 10AM Pacific Standard Time


The prizes:


(http://i.imgur.com/xjYNbRK.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/TkROToe.jpg)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Sifo on Thu, 20 March 2014, 01:41:04
new design!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: atlas3686 on Thu, 20 March 2014, 01:44:14
Awesome, I'm gonna start working on my entry.  :thumb:
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: lcs on Thu, 20 March 2014, 01:54:57
I shall be first :P

-----------------------------

When it came we though all was lost.

They tried everything. Guns, knives, swords, tanks, bombs. Even
treadmills around buildings. Nothing could stop them.

The zombies just kept coming. We were all wrong when we though they
would be killable. You kill a zombie, it just zombifies
again. Humanity would be lost if it weren't for just one solution.

The one hypothesis about them that was proven correct.

Only the most basic instincts were left. So we had to use the most
basic form of convincing to stop the zombies.

An army of kittens was deployed.

Armed with little strings, the infantry attacked. Many zombies
 were "killed" by those brave soldiers. Kittens in clothes stricked
 next. The most vicious being on the universe could resist the
 cuteness that was spread through the world. Finally, for counter
 measures, puppies were used as horses to let the kittens spread.

They contained the plague. They saved us.

They wouldn't have existed were not for the crazy cat ladies that
survived. Those crazy women saved the human race with their cats.

And all that it took was stealing their cats.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:03:38
Quote from: lcs on Thu, 20 March 2014, 01:54:57
I shall be first :p

-----------------------------

When it came we though all was lost.

They tried everything. Guns, knives, swords, tanks, bombs. Even
treadmills around buildings. Nothing could stop them.

The zombies just kept coming. We were all wrong when we though they
would be killable. You kill a zombie, it just zombifies
again. Humanity would be lost if it weren't for just one solution.

The one hypothesis about them that was proven correct.

Only the most basic instincts were left. So we had to use the most
basic form of convincing to stop the zombies.

An army of kittens was deployed.

Armed with little strings, the infantry attacked. Many zombies
 were "killed" by those brave soldiers. Kittens in clothes stricked
 next. The most vicious being on the universe could resist the
 cuteness that was spread through the world. Finally, for counter
 measures, puppies were used as horses to let the kittens spread.

They contained the plague. They saved us.

They wouldn't have existed were not for the crazy cat ladies that
survived. Those crazy women saved the human race with their cats.

And all that it took was stealing their cats.


 :thumb:


I LOL'd
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: lcs on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:04:44
Quote from: Bro Caps on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:03:38
Quote from: lcs on Thu, 20 March 2014, 01:54:57
I shall be first :p

-----------------------------

When it came we though all was lost.

They tried everything. Guns, knives, swords, tanks, bombs. Even
treadmills around buildings. Nothing could stop them.

The zombies just kept coming. We were all wrong when we though they
would be killable. You kill a zombie, it just zombifies
again. Humanity would be lost if it weren't for just one solution.

The one hypothesis about them that was proven correct.

Only the most basic instincts were left. So we had to use the most
basic form of convincing to stop the zombies.

An army of kittens was deployed.

Armed with little strings, the infantry attacked. Many zombies
 were "killed" by those brave soldiers. Kittens in clothes stricked
 next. The most vicious being on the universe could resist the
 cuteness that was spread through the world. Finally, for counter
 measures, puppies were used as horses to let the kittens spread.

They contained the plague. They saved us.

They wouldn't have existed were not for the crazy cat ladies that
survived. Those crazy women saved the human race with their cats.

And all that it took was stealing their cats.


 :thumb:


I LOL'd

Objective accomplished then! :)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: bueller on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:06:45
Step 1. Make suit of armour out of keyboards.
Step 2. ????
Step 3. Die.
Title: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Halverson on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:20:56
Quote from: bueller on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:06:45
Step 1. Make suit of armour out of keyboards.
Step 2. ????
Step 3. Die.

Noooooo! But just before death, Halverson,  The Canadians and Hoffman of Mystery appear and save the Australian GH chapter!

Didn't read how long this contest goes for.....I'll be entering if it's up when I'm back home from the cottage....Sunday!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: HipsterPunks on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:23:22
Ever see that return of the living dead graveyard scene?

I'd be trying to get some zombie buns

Surfing all up in that good good
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: exitfire401 on Thu, 20 March 2014, 02:42:19
The End of the World as We Know it? (I Don't Feel Fine)

It was the first day of spring. I remember it vividly. The rain had just finished coming down in the middle of the brisk day, and you could smell the blooming flowers under the hint of Winter's passing that had hung in the air. I had just gotten out of the shower, kissed my girl goodbye, and left for my daily classes at the university. At this point, it felt like any other day.

A nice bike ride to campus really pointed out that something was wrong. In this town, I'm so used to the sounds of sirens...animals...farm equipment...traffic, but on this day, there was very little of that. At this point, I thought nothing of it. It was a Thursday, and most of the students here are known for drinking their lives away after Wednesday, so I took it to mean that there was an event somewhere for those who had nothing better to do but drink their livers to death. I went to class as usual and sat down to find a lower than normal attendance. We had just gotten back from Spring break this week, so once again, I thought nothing of it. My professor went on with class as normal and we continued on with our day. Heading to work is when I realized something was out of the ordinary. Upon walking in to the University Help Desk, I notice that only one of my co-workers and my boss had shown up today. I walked casually up to Derek and asked "Hey, what's going on? Where is everybody?" to which he replied,

"I'm not sure. Everybody no called, no showed, but we haven't been getting any calls, so I'm really not all that upset about it."

"Huh, weird..." I expressed. Continuing on with my shift, we continued to see the lack of calls or even patrons on foot. Feeling suspicious, we decided to go see if the Library was busy or not. This is when we found out what had really happened. Undead upon undead were coming out of the building. We had no idea what to do and no time to gather our thoughts. The wave of unknown creatures picked up on our heat signature immediately, and headed towards us at lightning pace. I was barely able to escape, and was only able to escape due to the selfless actions of my co-worker Michael. Knowing fair well that I had a family back home and that he did not, he told me to go on and that he would distract them. As I ran to where my bike was chained, I saw them. Piling on top of him like a massive wreck on the highway. They tore him limb from limb. I don't know how mentally, you're supposed to recover from seeing something like that. To this day, I wish I could reward him for his bravery, but now, all I can do is honor his memory.

Upon getting to my bicycle, I rode as fast as I could home to find my Fiance huddled in the closet of our apartment. She had been exposed to much of the same on her drive home from class and was experiencing the piercing mental pain being exposed to that causes. I told her "gather what you need to live. We're heading to the cabin." My uncle had a cabin up North that the entire family had agreed to be an area of refuge in the case that anything like this had happened. After we grabbed our bug out bags, we hopped in the car and drove as fast as we could not knowing what laid ahead.

The roads were completely clear, once again, pointing to just how far-spread the problem was. 5 hours of driving, and no cars. We figured many had taken refuge in their homes, or had turned. Unable to contact much of our families, we stopped worrying about them and agreed that we should focus on living through this ourselves. The nice thing about the cabin was that it was made for survival. With a surplus of food and weaponry (since this was, after all, our hunting cabin), we thought ourselves to be on the brink of an easy survival.

A couple of days passed quietly. With no service on either of our phones, we could not check news sources to see what was being said or what the government suggested we do to stay safe, so we stayed put. Plenty of food, and plenty of defense. And then it began. A lot of rustling in the trees. We thought nothing of it. The cabin was deep in the woods, and the wildlife passed all the time. But then we realized that this was different. It wasn't a slight brush of the trees like a white-tail would normally produce. No, this was violent crashing and snapping of branches.

Before we knew what had happened, we were surrounded. Somehow these blasted green bastards had picked up on our heat signature. Smashing, crashing, and beating the absolute hell out of the windows, we knew there was no escape. I grabbed her hand and we ran for the basement. We may have lost access to the weapons, but at least we had the stockpile of food. The solid door to the basement was our last resort. We barricaded the door as best we could and hoped for the best.

After a few hours, things had quieted down. We knew that things weren't safe by the rumbles occurring upstairs, so we held strong in the cold concrete walls that surrounded us. A week passed, and the undead had not given up. Stuck in the basement, we were on our last legs. We never expected it to go on this long, and my fiance had gotten sick. Very sick. As I checked her up and down for any signs of what was wrong, I saw it. A 10 inch scratch on her side. Somehow, one of those green ****s had gotten a hand on her on our way into the basement. Unable to speak or move, I knew the unfortunate truth of what I had to do.

Heaving her up on my shoulders, knowing there was no end in sight, I had to do the unthinkable and remove the best thing that has ever happened to me. Until I met this woman, I had never really known what love was. She was the one that made me believe in marriage. The one that made me consider having children. The one that was my best friend and had done nothing in the time that I knew her other than make my life better. And here she was. Nearly lifeless in my hands, and with me unable to help her in any way. I slowly went up the stairs. One foot after the other, tears streaming down my face, and I left her. I left her to them.

Ever since that day, I wondered if she knew what was happening or what had gone on. As they tore into her, I heard nothing. No screams, no shrieks, no sound. Maybe it was the traumatic experience, maybe it was the numbness of knowing that I would never love like that again, or maybe it was just me blocking it all out. All I know is that it was one of us survive, or neither of us. I'm sure that had she been in the same situation, she would have done the same to me; not out of spite, but out of necessity, and I would have wanted her to. I would much rather her go on with her life with no regrets, but knowing that I loved her enough to be that sacrifice. I will always cherish the time we spent together. My love, my life, my whole world, gone because of something I'll never understand.

It has been 30 days since this all started. Upon leaving her for the undead, they disappeared. I haven't seen any since that day. I wonder if they'll return. All I know is that if they do, I don't think I'll fight it. I have nothing left to live for. The love of my life is gone, and I can only assume all of my friends and family are one of them now. I never thought I would know what PTSD feels like. I've never known depression like this. What I do know is that I'm on the losing end of a battle I have no business fighting. Should they come back, I'll be left with one final decision. Do I let them kill me, or do I end things on my terms?
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: rowdy on Thu, 20 March 2014, 04:31:41
Assuming I had won this competition, or managed to get a ZomBro by some other means, I would take a photo of the green ZomBro, print it full size, wrap the printout around my head so I looked like a zombie, tuck both ZomBros carefully into my inner garments, and shuffle off into the sunset where, hopefully, safety, security and chilled beverages were available.

Naturally I would print ZomBro masks for my other half and daughter too.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Cottonsox on Thu, 20 March 2014, 04:44:49
I'm not a good writer, forgive me for all the grammatical errors etc, i normal type in code ;)

I could not pass up the chance at a ZomBro! they are so awesome, Well here is my entry!


Zobie Survival
--------------

The Zombie Apocalypse was on us, and everyone was getting rowdy in the streets! I checked my pockets to see what i had in there, all i had was some jelly beans.. Damn I think, I only like 1 type of jelly bean and it is blue, but all i had was these stinking red ones.

I thought i need to find some shelter, looking around is see a IT Cafe called Protoss Or Die. I figured i could hold up here until the Army Men arrived to save the day. I am sure they would be here soon, riding in the pimped out out SUV's painted in an urban camo to blend in with the snazzy lights of midtown.

After about 1 agonizing minute of waiting, a thought crossed my mind. What if i get to board and fall asleep and become a feast for a zombie, like cotton candy to a baby.

I got the steel up to venture out and find a better way to survive, maybe some more food, like those ever elusive purple and yellow jelly beans.. cos i would love some of them. Heading out the streets had become a blur, smoke had obfuscated my view from most of the surroundings but i ventured on. Passing Royals on High School all i could think then was.. how much THC did they get thru at that place.

Getting even more worried that i would never find some food, or a can opener.. I saw a health food shop.. Surely no one would have looted that yet. The window was a Neon Wired up Plink color, i couldn't make out the name as it had been smashed in. My soul started to drop and worried there was no food to find in there. I ventured in, and looked around. Holy Pepto i had found some food, it was a Tangarine and what looked like some sort of protein substance called Orange Crush. It had a Buff looking Rage Head as the mascot. I took the time, because lets be honest i was in no immediate danger to see what it was about.

Looking at the instructions all that it said was add DE MILK.

I quickly moved on from this shop, clearly nothing else was to be gained as i walked out into the baron street, i saw an out of control machine, it had a what looked like a ghost in it! I nearly dropped a solid in my pants. As the lunatic in the machine fled away, i turned the corner. Only to be confronted by Some Toxic Slime it had a metallic sheen to it! I bet this is where the outbreak started at 'Obsidian Industries'!

As i investigated further, thinking to myself nothing can go wrong here, i walked into the building where the large door had been ripped apart. I went to the lift, looking up G1,G2,G3,G4? WTF i thought how many ground levels can you have.

Thinking Yolo, i jumped in the lift, i hit the button that seemed to be plated in gold. That is surely where all the interesting stuff happens.

As i jumped out of the lift, all the lights being off, thinking i wishi had something that glowed so i could see where i was going, as i bumped into the office door of Dr Kirkle. Opening the door i noticed it was a large lab , then i saw a Aztec looking shrine, it had an Irradiated glowing red eye at the top of the figure. I looked down, at the feet was a bottle, it was broken, with a purple sludge oozing out i could only make out a part of the name Gliss.

Startled by an ant walking past a lamp making it look like a giant zombie dog or something, i got up and ran out of the laboratory, I turned a corner, to see a person in a lab coat, i tapped them on the shoulder and said "Hey, do you know where i can buy some MX Clears?", slowly the Dr turned around, looking into his half rotted face i knew i had made a mistake, Dr Kirkle Was Pale and Had one eye missing, his other, a Horrifying Blue, He was walking at me and was as White as a Sheet.

If you cannot beat them, Urple.

The End.

Cottonsox
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Tym on Thu, 20 March 2014, 05:19:48
It's only been 5 weeks; 5 weeks of hell.

5 weeks ago today; I heard it on the news. Case 01, somewhere in America I think.

Then the disease spread like wild fire, with cases springing up across the globe; If I learn anything from Pandemic was the best safe zone would be Madagascar, but I can't get there, as a lot of people forget the planes are the first thing to go down.

I live in the countryside, you may think this is a good place to be, not many people, large areas, farms to produce food. Yeah well everyone thinks this. The cities are empty now, and their population lies dead in the field around my stronghold.
I’ve rigged up a little farmhouse to support me over the past month or so. It’s in the open which means the Walkers have nowhere to hide, unfortunately neither do I. Armed with the limited weaponry we have in the UK, my armoury is pretty plentiful at the moment; I have a heavy fire axe for cutting through the walkers as quietly as I can, and for when things go loud, I’m carrying 2 12ga shotguns and my backup 20ga. Luckily common calibres round this area.

So my plan; I can't hold up here much longer, I'm running low on supplies, and there's nothing around here to eat. Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones, being alone, doesn't leave anyone who relies on me. No other mouths to feed. But the important thing now is that I need to find a food production source. From the people who've passed me, I have heard there are people forming secure compounds on the continent. Europe is less than 30 miles away. The only problem is the boats are long gone, as you can imagine people went out to sea to try and outlast this thing. Coming back when they're supplies ran out. Coming back to death and despair.

The only option I can think of now is “borrow” a narrow boat from a nearby marina, and try and convert that to sea worthy-ness (luckily I already hold a license [this is true, they actually make those, and I have one]) and see if I can cross the channel.
I threw my reaming food into my bergen, chucked it on my back; tied on my weapons and got ready to bug out. Axe in hand, I rolled up the barn shutters. It was going to be a long apocalypse.

To be continued...
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: meiosis on Thu, 20 March 2014, 06:01:56
Well I'm too lazy to write a block of text, so, highly doubt I'll be able to come up with something good to escape zombies. Oh wait I have no brain, they can't even sense me.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Vibex on Thu, 20 March 2014, 06:13:25
I have to go to class now, but when I get back I'll definitely post something! Also Can't wait to see the new design. :p
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: BunnyLake on Thu, 20 March 2014, 07:07:36
it alll started with project zero, ironically known only as "the pacifist", nobody knows what caused it,  but the keepers of the faith had seen the signs it was coming

the year is 2015, the world is different yet familiar, we live by self given "screen names", the only way to protect our identity and anonymity,  society and culture became focused around online hubs, people locking themselves away in the perceived safety of their homes

great minds believe the outbreak spreads through ignorance and naivety, the brightest and best flocked to the hub "geekhack", spreading intelligence and sharing theories and predictions, however it wasnt long before we were infiltrated

it started in the great finds section and off topic, stupidity flourished, soon it spread to the classifieds, survivors were turning on one another

we had elders looking down over us, trying to moderate and guide members, to stop the bleed, but it wasnt enough, there were just too many people, soon vigilante squads started forming, dubbing themselves, "the geekhack police", from the outside they looked as if they were trying to help, but it soon became clear they were speeding up the spread of the disease

"users" starting hoarding supplies, for survival and defence. at first seemingly at random, but soon focused groups went after particular niche collectables, trying to work out how to prodect themselves, or at least by themselves some time

nobody had seen anything like this, a virus that was both airborne, but could also be transmitted online, nowhere was safe, but at geekhack we were looking for answers

we tried everything, many theories were born, some people believed safety was directly linked to post count, and the religion known as the rays of spam formed, other people just wanted something to believe in, other new age religions  started popping up, the most prominent of which were known as the church of halverson led by girlshark and the keepers of the faith led by jdcarpe

dont let me fool you, there were other communities besides geekhack forming, but they werent so lucky, one of the larger sects, known as reddit, led by ripster, was the first to fall, imploding within moments of the outbreak, remnants of which managed to find there way to the place i look for safety, geekhack, they were mere shells of what we used to know as people, one ex user, known as rarar was a prime example, he tried to come back to geekhack, but as the infected are left without minds, it was picked up on quickly and he was not welcomed

where do i fit in to all this, im just like you, im looking for answers, the only difference is, i found them, and i will share them with you

sadly there is no cure known yet, but there is some hope, you can however become immune to the virus

in the panic of the outbreak, when everyone turned to faith or vengeance,  one man, worked tirelessly to find the right path, to be a saviour, a man known as "bro" aka "the jimmy rustler" was hard at work in his lab, through trial and error he came up with bro bots, made exquisitely with the finest of materials, they are the only known item that can stop the spread, and the more you have the more protected you are

now as i say, these are not a cure, but a preventative measure, people flocked to the "vendor sub forum", frantically trying to get there hands on the last true precious commodity  we had, but there wasnt enough to go round, a frenzy started, people were losing there minds, the spread was happening faster than ever as it gained momentum, bro simply couldnt meet the demand, as value rised, people spilled in to the classifieds, just trying to get a taste, but the classifieds were a cess pool, and it just made things worse

soon, it was getting out of hand, preventative measures werent enough, we needed a cure

people turned to bro, and bro has answered us

the ZOMBRO, non have been released yet, but they are coming soon, but until then

as the saying goes

he who has the most bots wins

(http://i.imgur.com/fAQiDBe.jpg)





Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: kektr0city on Thu, 20 March 2014, 08:04:42
Roland jerked awake and sat upright in a hurry, eyes wide, heart pounding.  What was that?  He scanned the room, but there was nothing to be seen.  A decaying rocking chair, covered in dust.  An old bureau, drawers empty.  A dirty mirror, cracks creeping across it in a spiderweb pattern.

What had awoken him?  The sound of breaking glass?  Splintering wood?  What's that smell?  Death.  The ripe and coppery stench of rotting flesh and human blood.  It was pervasive... oppressive.  It followed them wherever they went.

They're here.

Roland put one hand on Jake's shoulder and the other over his mouth and shook him awake.

"Roland what-"

"They're here," Roland whispered.

Jake's eyes went wide, his mouth agape.  It had been a while since they last saw these... monsters.... Not since Lud.  They had barely gotten out with their lives.  But here?!  This far into the hills?!

Quietly, they dressed, strapping on their gun belts.  Roland moved to the door and pressed an ear to the wood.  He could hear something moving, shuffling, as if dragging a foot in short steps.  Roland drew and raised his gun, the big iron with sandalwood grips.  He looked at Jake who did the same.  Roland nodded, and then opened the door.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: lcs on Thu, 20 March 2014, 08:47:56
Quote from: kektr0city on Thu, 20 March 2014, 08:04:42
Roland jerked awake and sat upright in a hurry, eyes wide, heart pounding.  What was that?  He scanned the room, but there was nothing to be seen.  An empty rocking chair, covered in dust.  An old bureau, drawers empty.  A dirty mirror, cracks creeping across it in a spiderweb pattern.

What had awoken him?  The sound of breaking glass?  Splintering wood?  What's that smell?  Death.  The ripe and coppery stench of rotting flesh and human blood.  It was pervasive... oppressive.  It followed them wherever they went.

They're here.

Roland put one hand on Jake's shoulder and the other over his mouth and shook him awake.

"Roland what-"

"They're here," Roland whispered.

Jake's eyes went wide, his mouth agape.  It had been a while since they last saw these... monsters.... Not since Lud.  They had barely gotten out with their lives.  But here?!  This far into the hills?!

Quietly, they dressed, strapping on their gun belts.  Roland moved to the door and pressed an ear to the wood.  He could here something moving, shuffling, as if dragging a foot in short steps.  Roland drew and raised his gun, the big iron with sandalwood grips.  He looked at Jake who did the same.  Roland nodded, and then opened the door.

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." :P
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: leesofi on Thu, 20 March 2014, 08:51:27
Fun contest.
Sadly, Long english is hard to me.
GL bros.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: kektr0city on Thu, 20 March 2014, 08:54:46
Quote from: lcs on Thu, 20 March 2014, 08:47:56
Quote from: kektr0city on Thu, 20 March 2014, 08:04:42
Roland jerked awake and sat upright in a hurry, eyes wide, heart pounding.  What was that?  He scanned the room, but there was nothing to be seen.  An empty rocking chair, covered in dust.  An old bureau, drawers empty.  A dirty mirror, cracks creeping across it in a spiderweb pattern.

What had awoken him?  The sound of breaking glass?  Splintering wood?  What's that smell?  Death.  The ripe and coppery stench of rotting flesh and human blood.  It was pervasive... oppressive.  It followed them wherever they went.

They're here.

Roland put one hand on Jake's shoulder and the other over his mouth and shook him awake.

"Roland what-"

"They're here," Roland whispered.

Jake's eyes went wide, his mouth agape.  It had been a while since they last saw these... monsters.... Not since Lud.  They had barely gotten out with their lives.  But here?!  This far into the hills?!

Quietly, they dressed, strapping on their gun belts.  Roland moved to the door and pressed an ear to the wood.  He could here something moving, shuffling, as if dragging a foot in short steps.  Roland drew and raised his gun, the big iron with sandalwood grips.  He looked at Jake who did the same.  Roland nodded, and then opened the door.

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." :P

 ;)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: RabRhee on Thu, 20 March 2014, 09:18:40
I will survive the way 99% of us would. Eating brains, lurching from place to place, avoiding zealous zombie hunters.

Z4L.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: lcs on Thu, 20 March 2014, 09:24:46
Quote from: RabRhee on Thu, 20 March 2014, 09:18:40
I will survive the way 99% of us would. Eating brains, lurching from place to place, avoiding zealous zombie hunters.

Z4L.

I always said that: in the case of a zombie outbreak I'd gladly become a zombie the fastest I could.

I would be a really cool zombie.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: LONGZILLA on Thu, 20 March 2014, 10:20:09
What is this, story time!? I be needing some real survival tips
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Belfong on Thu, 20 March 2014, 10:27:32
My entry:

The year is 2014. The Zombie Apocalypse is real. But this is a different kind of zombie apocalypse. You don't even realize you have caught it until it's too late. Look around you and you will see them - the mindless drones that stare lifelessly onto their electronic gadgets. They were absorbed in their own mind be it in the trains or the cafeteria. Many of us carry this plague with us, some of us have a few of them in our pockets and backpacks. I myself have one and I can't help but look at it every 5 minutes. Slowly but surely, this is eating up my conscious mind and one day I will be one of them - the one who didn't even know who they ate with last Christmas as their attention are focused solely on the 6" horror.

I was there on D-Day - on 9 January 2007 - when the Maker revealed this wonder of technology. The moment he slid to unlock, I knew the doom of mankind is here. I knew I have to get out of here. To leave the city, to get myself ready for the impending doom. Even then, wonder and curiosity got over me. I was glued to the keynote video. I watched it over and over, my eyes glazing and my pupil losing its focus as the poison started to stain a small part of my mind.

And then, in a blink of an eye, the virus spread. From Infinite Loop to the whole of United States, then to the few major countries.. in waves it spawned and before anyone could react, before I could even prepared myself, the virus starts to mutate. It transformed itself into different forms - one tweeting bird, the other a book of faces, then and instant-gram and more and more variants started to rebirth. Human kind rejoiced in such wonders and only I realize that this is the Zombie Apocalypse told by wise men two thousand years ago. But I am not susceptible to its lure. Even my 3 year old child is not immune as she too, was pulled by its magnet. And on a children, the hold of the virus is strong. I tried to wrestle the gadget from my girl and almost got bitten by her. She snarled at me, not realizing that I am her father and she would crawled her hands at mine, smacking it away. One could see the hold of this virus was total on a child.

I can't help but click Buy Buy Buy on all those pretty apps. They enthralled me. I am a thrifty person but I can't help but spend my hard earn money on these apps. The poison and addiction is total. Sometimes, I missed my sleep, at times I didn't realize that dinnertime has passed. I was totally brain dead as the virus guided my lifeless finger to fly a flappy bird between two green columns. And if it failed, I would screamed in anger, my bloodshot eyes cursing on the gadget, and woe to those who dare to come near me.

Even then, I told myself. 2 hours per day. 2 hours max. And when I thought I was in self control, when I thought that I had virus figured out, I happened to come across another strain of the virus that let me buy beautiful and mesmerizing little square thing. I am not sure if they were drugs but they are plastics and some of them came in metal: steel, gold and silver. I couldn't pull myself away. Day and night I would stare at this gadget. At night when everyone was asleep, I would quietly pulled it out of my pocket and look at it. If you were to stand in my doorway, you would think that I was dead - a sprawling, lifeless body with my head hung low while I bathe in that eerie white LED light.
And on 4th March, the ultimate happened. The gadget oozed a toxic substance and I was totally consumed. I pulled to refreshed every second for almost 24 hours for a few days. I lose sleep. And I know I am not alone. There are hundreds of like minded zombie that was intoxicated. And on that fateful morning, Monday 6am (GMT+8), I even forgot about the family and work as I was consumed totally.

Did I survive?

I think so. I watched the people around me. The 3 year old lied on her tummy, her legs sprained at an awkward angle as she gleefully swipe at the screen. The wife squinting her only eye at the screen, trying to zoom into the text, oblivious to the fact that she could choose Mobilizer help her reading (and yeah, I dare not touch her lest I get bitten again). My parents, 70 year olds, have one of their own precioussss..

But me.... I think I won. I threw the gadget away. I dug a hole and buried it. I pulled it out of my mind. I need to move to the country side and get away from this madness.

And then I saw.........................



ZomBro...................





OH. MY. GOD!


Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: riotonthebay on Thu, 20 March 2014, 10:29:58
My entry:

Smoke (https://gist.githubusercontent.com/zachallaun/b04c18a7dc0403e0f0b8/raw/2900e06e3420e43755baa6c078e7dae51f3a64c9/gistfile1.txt)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: drinkbleach on Thu, 20 March 2014, 10:45:10
As I gazed into their empty eyes I was able to walk right past them without even knowing why.
Was it the lights, the sounds of a babies cry?
These soulless creatures had a pace of not lore.
But one of a quick shuffle along the floor.
Armed with a communication device in hand and pockets full more.
I began to run until feet were sore.
What weapons could I use?
What chances did I have?
Should I give up now?
Join the zombie army now?
I breath my final human breath and such to my fate.
We are all too late. I will no longer wait.
The end is nigh and humanity is over.
I stutter to reality, wtf I'm in the mall!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: riotonthebay on Thu, 20 March 2014, 12:38:54
Whew, that was fun to write :). Most of my entry was written on my phone on the way to work, and then edited when I got here. It's been years since I've done anything like this, but I really got into this one for some reason. Great contest, Monsieur Caps. And great entries everyone! Looking forward to reading more.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: exitfire401 on Thu, 20 March 2014, 12:42:40
Quote from: riotonthebay on Thu, 20 March 2014, 12:38:54
Whew, that was fun to write :). Most of my entry was written on my phone on the way to work, and then edited when I got here. It's been years since I've done anything like this, but I really got into this one for some reason. Great contest, Monsieur Caps. And great entries everyone! Looking forward to reading more.

Right? I haven't done any creative writing since high school. It felt pretty good. On a side note, I was writing my entry at 4am and went to bed afterwards, then dreamed the story I had just written. It was weird as hell and kinda cool at the same time.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Vibex on Thu, 20 March 2014, 13:13:46
Here goes nothing! ;D


7/21/2016 21:00 Long Island, New York

                Dear journal. Today was the third day of the apocalypse. I’ve decided to chronicle my life, that way when someone finds this book they will know what I’ve learned. It all started at Montauk Air Force Station. My superiors said that the tests they were doing would help all of mankind. That the virus they were working on would help the human race. How wrong they were.

                One of the chemists at the site caused a small fire. It was not a big deal, or at least it shouldn’t have been. The small fire turned into a massive catastrophe. The fire started to lick at the containment chamber of the virus. No matter what they tried they couldn’t put out the flames. The chemical fire quickly spread and grew hotter and hotter. Then the reinforced glass that contained the virus shattered.

                I was a coward and escaped the site long before the virus broke free. Others weren’t as cowardly/smart. I could hear there howls of pain as the virus eroded their brains and turned them into mindless creatures. After a few hours the screaming stopped. But that was only the beginning. Soon their dead bodies became not so dead bodies. The started to get up and shuffle around. It started as only a few of them, as most were obliterated by the fire. But when they arrived at towns, it truly began. The bites of these “zombies,” for lack of a better word, infected there victims. They became mindless creatures as well and joined in. They swiftly multiplied.

                I’m famished right now, so I’m going to cook some beans. But I’ll write more tomorrow. Hopefully.

 

7/22/2016 18:00 Kings Park Psychiatric Center, New York

                I’m back again today. I survived another night. I decided this morning that simply barricading myself in my house would not last me much longer. In the early hours of the morning I packed all of my remaining resources into my car. I have enough food to last me several more weeks, and enough weapons to last for quite some time. Gas on the other hand is not easy to come by. Most of the cars nearby went up in flames, and most of the gas stations have been destroyed.

                I remembered from when I was younger that I used to play in the Kings Park, Psychiatric Center. It was such a dilapidated set of buildings that there was no way the “zombies” would be able to navigate inside it. So I mustered all of my courage and headed to the site.

                I made it in just a few hours. The world has mostly quieted down now. There were no people anywhere. For the most parts there were no “zombies” either. They seem to be drawn towards noise. I hope were ever they end up, the residents have had plenty of time to prepare.

                I set up my fort in the top of one of the buildings. There was no way they would be able to reach me now. I still need to set up some barricades throughout the building just as safety precautions. Hopefully things will have calmed down now, but I still need to be prepared.

 

7/26/2016 22:00 Kings Park Psychiatric Center, New York

                I haven’t been able to write for the past several days. On the 23 I went to look for survivors. I found a few recently killed, that hadn’t yet turned. I had to put them down before they could rise. One was a young girl, couldn’t have been older than 12. God what has this world come to.

Soon after I came across a band of “zombies.” They were still fairly far away, so I just hid inside of a nearby grocery store. I barricaded the doors and stayed holed up in there for 3 days while they wondered around outside. Eventually they left and I was able to get back to my car.

I’m to exhausted to write more tonight, both mentally and physically. The apocalypse can do that to you.

 

7/27/1016 13:00 Kings Park Psychiatric Center, New York

                The end for me is near. In the middle of the night, a large section of the building I was in collapsed. It didn’t destroy my fort, but it did make an incredible sound, a sound loud enough to draw all the zombies for miles around. It also cut off my escape to the bottom of the building.

                I can see them all. Hundreds, maybe thousands of them attacking the base of the building while I’m trapped up here like a cat up a tree. I can see them ripping the bricks from the base of the building. There is only so much time till they destroy the foundation of the building and it comes toppling down.

                But I won’t go down without a fight. Working as a janitor at a top secret government facility has its perks. I’ve picked up quite a few skills over the years. One of those skills is how to make explosives. I’ve made as many as I could, and placed them as far down in the building as I could get. As soon as I finish writing this I’m going to go down and light it all. Hopefully, if you are reading this, then the world has returned to peace. If not, then look through the rubble here. I put all of my remaining food, weapons, and other supplies in a metal case at the top of the building. Hopefully it will remain intact, and help you on your way. Well, I’ll see you later.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: noisyturtle on Thu, 20 March 2014, 19:29:16
Entry 422:

Today was much the same as every other day. I woke up, made some ramen (note: only 527 cases left, I should go shopping soon) and then sat in front of the computer all day. Everything is still normal, nothing to report as I never leave the house anyway.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention I ordered some pizza today but the pizza guy showed up 4hrs late with no pizza, and then tried to hug me or something. He was moaning something, but I told him 'no tip for you *******' and slammed the door. Human interaction is so weird these days, oh well, back to the computer!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Vibex on Thu, 20 March 2014, 19:30:10
Quote from: noisyturtle on Thu, 20 March 2014, 19:29:16
Entry 422:

Today was much the same as every other day. I woke up, made some ramen (note: only 527 cases left, I should go shopping soon) and then sat in front of the computer all day. Everything is still normal, nothing to report as I never leave the house anyway.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention I ordered some pizza today but the pizza guy showed up 4hrs late with no pizza, and then tried to hug me or something. He was moaning something, but I told him 'no tip for you *******' and slammed the door. Human interaction is so weird these days, oh well, back to the computer!
I lol'd. ;D
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: nubbinator on Thu, 20 March 2014, 21:41:55
It’s not every day that a long legged blonde steps into my office.  It’s even rarer when one steps in and looks past the eye patch and scars and gets down to business.  There’s something about a patch that causes most people to hesitate for a second, not so much for the fact that I’m missing an eye since many people are missing an eye these days, but that I choose to cover it up like I do.  I don’t know why I do it.  Perhaps it’s nostalgia, a reminder of the past and things I’ve lost.  Maybe it’s a vain affectation, trying to maintain the good looks of my past.  Or maybe I just like how unbalanced it seems to make most people, giving me a moment to gauge them before I start talking with them.  I’ve never given much thought to it and at this point, it’s just part of who I am.

The scraping of a chair drew me back to the leggy blonde who is now sitting across the desk from me, staring across at me with haunted, sunken eyes.  Her pale plump lips moving gently as she speaks to me.

“Are you David Marlowe?,” she asked, worry splashed across her pallid face. 

“Yeah, but a gal like you doesn't come in without already knowing that answer.  How can I help you?” 

I knew whatever came out of her mouth next would be trouble.  The way in which she had sashayed into the office and the look upon her face already told me that. But work has been scarce the last few years and has been even tougher to find since I got shot in the leg, an injury that left me with a dragging limp.

“I need you to find my son.  He disappeared when the plague hit.”  My shoulders sagged at her request.  Missing persons used to be my bread and butter.  Since the plague hit, they have become my bane.  When you’re surrounded by the living, the dead, and the not so dead, when cities are a mere phantom of what they were in the past because of people fleeing across the nation and into the woods, finding someone is a lot like finding all the pieces of a man who saw the wrong end of a Tommy Gun.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you look, they just can’t be found.

“Do you have any information about where he was last seen?  Any idea of his condition?  Any ideas of where he might go or what he might do?”

“Last I saw him, he was unturned.  He was still my little boy. He needs to know he’s loved, no matter what he is.”

I listened as she poured out her soul about her son, well, as much as anyone can still have a soul these days, listening for clues and ideas of where he might be and how to find him.  My questions came almost as quick as her replies.  Finally I felt I had enough information to go on and stood up to see her off.

“Thanks miss…”

“Parker.  It’s Miss Parker.”

As I walked her to the door, I thought how I’d go about finding her kid.  It would not be an easy task.  Then again, nothing was easy anymore.  I suppose I shouldn't complain though.  You see, when the world ended, my world had just begun.   Before the change, I was a man at the bottom of the game, someone you came to out of desperation or ignorance, someone whose nice shoes were the ones that only had holes in the toes.  Now that things had changed, now that we lived in a world of humans full of hate surrounded by feral and vicious zombies, I had found a niche where I could survive.  I joined a small group of others like me, those who had changed, those who had lost their lives, but not their minds.  I became David Marlowe, Zombie P.I.

More
Since you never said you had to talk about how you would survive as a human,  I decided to have a little fun with it.  I think it's more fun from the zombie perspective.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: riotonthebay on Fri, 21 March 2014, 10:48:40
Can submissions be edited? There are some turns of phrase and accidental repetitions bothering me in my story :P
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Fri, 21 March 2014, 11:37:11
Quote from: riotonthebay on Fri, 21 March 2014, 10:48:40
Can submissions be edited? There are some turns of phrase and accidental repetitions bothering me in my story :p


Yes, you can edit as you please :)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: LONGZILLA on Fri, 21 March 2014, 17:33:36
(http://i.imgur.com/37Gh3yQ.png)

Chapter IV: Preparation

Arguably the one of the most important steps, preparation is critical. In this chapter, we will not be discussing the finer details of bunker placement or strategies for amassing weapons. It all begins with bringing in the world's experts to discuss plans for the survival of the human race.

(http://i.imgur.com/DCDIdch.gif)


Assemble the world's greatest minds, e.g.

Gather the world's biggest badasses, e.g.

Recruit the world's foremost zombie experts, e.g.

And then...

More
Burn this mother ****er to the ground.

(http://i.imgur.com/AMDWXUN.gif)


Because…

More
There can only be one.

(http://i.imgur.com/iYd1Kvq.png)



Emerge from the burning rubbles. Equipped with nothing more than a standard-sized 32-inch Louisville Slugger bat and a suit of bacon to attract zombies and other survivors, begin ascending the nearest mountain.

Once the highest peak is reached, as the first challenger approaches… in dramatic fashion mutter the following words... "Come at me bro"

(http://i.imgur.com/Aymqlnt.jpg)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: moonprismpwr on Fri, 21 March 2014, 20:27:36
I super duper am in love with that zombro so I'm really going for it xD

--

The first time I fire a gun it’s between the eyes of a girl. Her name was Ellie, and she was my neighbor at the time. She was known for playing obnoxious music, and just being a general displeasure to co-exist with. No one dialed 911, no police were involved, and I was never sentenced for her death. This is mostly due to no electricity running, the police department all dead or fled, and our entire justice system as well as civilization had crumbled due to a zombie plague. Oh, and she was already dead, technically.

The second time I fire a gun is at a rat that suddenly skittered across the floor of the dark cave I was hiding out in. It scared the **** out of me and it was an impulse reaction.

Still, out of the two, it’s the rat I feel sorry about.

When the first rumors of the outbreak began to show up on the web, I dismissed them rather casually. After all, the last few years had been nothing but zombie television shows, zombie movies, zombie books, zombies zombies zombies! We were in an age where we glorified these post-apocalyptic scenarios because we were all secretly hoping for it. We wanted a way out of the bills, the 9-5 job, the ****ty boss. Maybe off some people we disliked.

Reality came raining down from the sky when the first bomb wiped out an entire city. It was completely gone. No one anticipated it would come to this, and so quickly. The infection spread at an alarming rate, and no amount of quarantining seemed to stop it from popping up in other areas.  Population of 5 million, all completely incinerated. It was heavily infected. I never found out if they tried to evacuate those who didn’t have the plague. I try not to think about it, all those living people screaming as their skin melted off.

 It was about this time that I decided it was time to go into hiding. I was already sort of doing that, with my boarded up windows and tin can alarm system. But who knew when the shadow of a plane and a suddenly flash of white hot light would snuff us all out? I packed pop-tin cans full of food, a first aid kit, a basic survival kit, a few books on edible plants and surviving in the wild, and sprayed down my backpack with that no-wet stuff that was all the rage. I brought thick blankets, a sleeping bag, and layers of clothing to protect me from the oncoming winter as well as from a zombie bite.

I never really intended to use the gun on the zombies. I knew it was stupid because guns depend on ammunition, and ammunition runs out quickly. I think, looking back now, that being ****-scared as I was at the time, I probably had some subconscious thought to use it on myself if things got really bad. But it was always there, on my hip, my fingers often brushing against it for reassurance.

Instead I brought a heavy hammer, a Bowie, and a thick wooden bat that I had embedded with nails. I figured blunt objects were the most reliable things to use, and really the only things I had at my disposal. I was adrenaline pumped and ready when I opened my door that day.

I moved fast, throwing all my stuff in my car. I had ventured to the abandoned mini-market a few days prior to get supplies. It had been mostly picked over but I was able to get a lot of provisions. I also stole enough gas to fill up a few cans and put them in the trunk. This would be enough to get me to the isolated region near the Appalachians that I was aiming for. I hoped that the rough terrain plus the cold would keep the zombies and the living away.

In television and the movies, the characters always found some cool place to wait out the zombie apocalypse. They had a whole well-stocked Walmart to themselves, or some big abandoned house. The reality was far different. When communications went down and people went out to find loved ones, or seek a safer place, they often fell into these traps. The problem with these comfort-zones is that everyone else has the same mind to flock to them too. It wasn’t long before the major food centers and suppliers were overrun with infected. On my drive to the middle of nowhere I witnessed a few burning houses. I could see writhing corpses in their windows, whether alive or dead I’ll never know.
People also thought that forming large groups or alliances would help them. I suppose there’s security in numbers, sure. But more often than not it ended badly. TV taught us that the group that stuck together won. Reality taught me that groups often ended up killing each other. The stress and hopelessness of the situation crept into someone’s skin and they would go off. Mass shootings, suicides, you name it. I often found campgrounds with littered bodies, some lone survivor or the killer sitting among them with wide eyes and muttering to themselves. I avoided leaving my hidden spot if I could.

I’ve spent a good 7 months like this, living in a cave that was well hidden by the natural habitat. I had strung a line of empty tin cans at the entrance, but it never once clattered to announce an intruder. Still, I slept fitfully and the bags under my eyes seemed like they were permanently tattooed on. The winter was bitter and I almost starved to death. It was tempting at times to eat some of the corpses I saw, but I didn’t dare for fear of infection. When the spring finally came, I was skin and bones under my many layers.
Now, I wait. What I’m waiting for, I have no idea. To be rescued? To die?

 I sit here in silence most days, wondering what’s going on out there. The last time I saw or heard a helicopter was 4 months ago. Since then the skies have been silent and empty. It’s been 2 months since the last group ventured through here. I’m starting to wonder if humanity lost. If all that’s out there now are zombies and I’m the lone survivor in a messed up game of hide and seek. The silence is often deafening and maddening. I talk to the walls just to hear a human sound again. I feel weak, the hammer is almost impossible for me to lift now.

It’s quiet.

Too quiet.

And then, a rustle of tin cans.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Sun, 23 March 2014, 03:27:35
1 more day. Also, added the new design that will be awarded to 1st place.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Key-Fu on Sun, 23 March 2014, 16:32:56
Hello.  This is my submission to the Zombro contest. 

Warning:  This is a zombie apocalypse story, and as such, contains a few violent descriptions of zombie death.  Read at your own risk.  :)

I also was inspired to draw a pic for this contest.  I've added in a few "Easter eggs" of well known posters from the GeekHack community.  Not everyone's avatars were suitable for zombification.  For example, BunnyLake's guest role is on a t-shirt.  Happy hunting!

------------

ZOMBIEGEDDON

The world ended on a Friday...I always assumed it would happen on a Tuesday.

It was in my office cubical that I first encountered one of the undead horde.  Ethan "Poppin' Fresh" Dunlap, an overweight, undereducated, middle management type, squished his way into my stall.  I had not turned to acknowledge him, for his visits were as regular as my morning bowel movement.

I fully expected him to belch an unenthusiastic greeting and then chide my delinquent TPS reports.  Instead, what I got was a wet, gurgling demand for my, "Cohhh-llaaawwn!"

Despite what Hollywood had been telling me for decades, Zombies aren't interested in brain bingeing.  Apparently, the chittlins-chomping, potty-mouths have a powerful craving for intestines.

I spun around in my Ergo-Blow office chair to see the fat man lunging towards my sweet juicy digestive tract.  I reflexively grabbed the object closest to me...my mechanical keyboard.  Without thinking I slammed the heavy custom modded aluminum board against Dunlap's gangrenous skull.  It exploded like crimson cottage cheese.  The zombie rot had given his head the tensile strength of warm pudding.

I stood silently for several long moments, staring blankly at the eerily still corpse sprawled across my cubical floor and wall.  To my everlasting shame, I honestly hoped I'd just killed a costumed man.  The alternative was Armageddon...plus, I never really liked Poppin' Fresh.

I was startled back to reality by an echoing groan rumbling down my division's hallway.  I crouched, hiding to collect my thoughts.  I needed to run.  I needed to escape.  I needed a WEAPON!  I had been unconsciously cradling my precious keyboard when the mental connection was made.  My board.  It was the right weight, the right size, and most importantly...it was all I had.

I ducked into a nearby stairwell and crept silently towards the lobby.  Each flight of stairs was equipped with a windowed door.  After two floors I stopped looking through them.  The carnivorous carnage was sapping my strength and leaving me weak-kneed.

Once at the lobby I realized two things:  One, if I survived this, I'd have to start working on my cardio, as I was well out of breath and two, my exit was blocked by several dozen lumbering cadavers.  They had not noticed me, but I could see no way out.  I decided to head towards the roof.  Just then, several floors above me, I heard a door creak open.  With it came a courage-crippling groan and the sound of something wet being slowly dragged down the stairs.

That was it.  I had no other options.  If I didn't want my intestines turned into an all you can nosh sausage buffet, I'd have to fight my way to the door and then haul ass to safety...wherever that was.

Steeling myself, I clutched my thick keyboard like a dwarven battle axe, reared back and kicked the door with all my strength.  It didn't budge.  I twisted my ankle and, in orchestrated unison, the zombie throng all turned my direction.  Having lost the element of surprise, I gingerly unlatched the solid wooden door and pushed it open.  I hobble-hopped, screaming into the rotting throng!  I swung my keyboard like a samurai playing baseball.  Each time the aluminum plate slammed into its decaying target, the recipient would burst into a Christmas colored mist of red and green chunks!  Somewhat familiar faces, contorted into grotesque caricatures of their former selves, washed by me in a blur of terrified fury.  With the fierceness of a thousand engineers, I slashed, bashed, clobbered, and ker-splatted my way to temporary freedom. 

Once past the wall of rotting flesh, I ran as fast as my programmer's atrophied legs could go.  Rounding a corner, I slipped into the first open shop I saw.  After closing the door behind me, I dropped to my knees and watched the zombie mass shuffle past with all the grace of a geriatric walk-a-thon.  Once the limb impaired stragglers had slithered by, I felt secure enough to inspect the shop.

The shelves were littered with secondhand knickknacks and junk.  Glass cases housed cheap jewelry, watches, and bric-a-brac.  Along the glorious back wall was a dizzying array of glistening black firearms!  A Pawnshop.  I'd taken refuge in a blessed Pawnshop.

Feeling the odds of my survival rising, I grabbed for the largest, most intimidating rifle I could see.  I held the weighty log of death like Al Pacino in Scarface.  "You wanna play rough?  Ok.  Say hello to my little..."  I stopped mid-impression with an uncomfortable realization...Montana died at the end.  I quietly exchanged the hulking weapon for its little brother.

I thought to myself, "OK...bullets.  I'm gonna need lots of'em.  Bullets...where are the bullets?"  To my soul crushing horror, I came to the conclusion that the shop's owner must have left in haste...and with ALL of the ammunition,  leaving me with a store full of gun shaped baseball bats.

Hope swelled once more as I noticed a storage room door that had been partially obscured by an unusually large display of Justin Bieber posters.  Crumpling the annoying collection aside, I opened the thick wooden door.  Inside was a dust covered tarp shrouding something large.  With a sturdy pull, I removed the tarpaulin and exposed my salvation.

Sitting, rusted and unused, was a Biomechanical Replacement Officer Bot V2 Dreadnaught series, destroyer unit.  I thought they'd all been dismantled after the Canadian Conflict of 2017.  As an engineer and enthusiast, I'd read everything there was to know about the Destroyers, but I'd never actually seen one.  I struggled to remember the startup procedure.  Within moments the monolithic metal monstrosity clicked and whirled to life.  I was as giddy as a schoolgirl in love...for about a minute...then the bot stopped moving.

Feeling my hope sputtering away, I ran through a mental check list and gained entry to a diagnostics console on the Dreadnaught's back.  A dimly lit display greeted me with "Android OS:  Death by Chocolate Edition."  I sighed, "30 billion dollars worth of hardware...powered by a cell phone operating system."  Fortunately, the bot had never been activated and was waiting for a quick preference setup.  While the LCD was working, its capacitive touch features were not.  Luckily, the bot's ingenious designers had included an accessible USB port...and I still had my keyboard.  A few moments later, my mechanical bodyguard was primed and ready for WAR!

Zombies vs. Man & Machine (but mostly Machine).  I rode my iron giant through the sea of animated, clutching corpses.  The horrors of that march are still branded in my brain.  I will never be able to forget what I saw...and for the rest of my days...I will have a phobia of parmesan grated spaghetti.

In the end, we did make it out of that dystopian nightmare.  Not long after exiting the city, we ran into a military quarantine unit and were transported to a safe zone.  Eventually the Zombie menace was contained.  We had taken back what remained of our decomposing planet.  It was a world steeped in rot...but it was OUR world.

When my grandkids eventually ask what skills I used to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I'll tell them the truth...none.  I only managed to live because of a quality keyboard and a big-ass brobot.

(http://i.imgur.com/hwHDm8g.jpg)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: noisyturtle on Sun, 23 March 2014, 17:05:25
Quote from: Key-Fu on Sun, 23 March 2014, 16:32:56
Hello.  This is my submission to the Zombro contest. 

Warning:  This is a zombie apocalypse story, and as such, contains a few violent descriptions of zombie death.  Read at your own risk.  :)

I also was inspired to draw a pic for this contest.  I've added in a few "Easter eggs" of well known posters from the GeekHack community.  Not everyone's avatars were suitable for zombification.  For example, BunnyLake's guest role is on a t-shirt.  Happy hunting!

------------

ZOMBIEGEDDON

The world ended on a Friday...I always assumed it would happen on a Tuesday.

It was in my office cubical that I first encountered one of the undead horde.  Ethan "Poppin' Fresh" Dunlap, an overweight, undereducated, middle management type, squished his way into my stall.  I had not turned to acknowledge him, for his visits were as regular as my morning bowel movement.

I fully expected him to belch an unenthusiastic greeting and then chide my delinquent TPS reports.  Instead, what I got was a wet, gurgling demand for my, "Cohhh-llaaawwn!"

Despite what Hollywood had been telling me for decades, Zombies aren't interested in brain bingeing.  Apparently, the chittlins-chomping, potty-mouths have a powerful craving for intestines.

I spun around in my Ergo-Blow office chair to see the fat man lunging towards my sweet juicy digestive tract.  I reflexively grabbed the object closest to me...my mechanical keyboard.  Without thinking I slammed the heavy custom modded aluminum board against Dunlap's gangrenous skull.  It exploded like crimson cottage cheese.  The zombie rot had given his head the tensile strength of warm pudding.

I stood silently for several long moments, staring blankly at the eerily still corpse sprawled across my cubical floor and wall.  To my everlasting shame, I honestly hoped I'd just killed a costumed man.  The alternative was Armageddon...plus, I never really liked Poppin' Fresh.

I was startled back to reality by an echoing groan rumbling down my division's hallway.  I crouched, hiding to collect my thoughts.  I needed to run.  I needed to escape.  I needed a WEAPON!  I had been unconsciously cradling my precious keyboard when the mental connection was made.  My board.  It was the right weight, the right size, and most importantly...it was all I had.

I ducked into a nearby stairwell and crept silently towards the lobby.  Each flight of stairs was equipped with a windowed door.  After two floors I stopped looking through them.  The carnivorous carnage was sapping my strength and leaving me weak-kneed.

Once at the lobby I realized two things:  One, if I survived this, I'd have to start working on my cardio, as I was well out of breath and two, my exit was blocked by several dozen lumbering cadavers.  They had not noticed me, but I could see no way out.  I decided to head towards the roof.  Just then, several floors above me, I heard a door creak open.  With it came a courage-crippling groan and the sound of something wet being slowly dragged down the stairs.

That was it.  I had no other options.  If I didn't want my intestines turned into an all you can nosh sausage buffet, I'd have to fight my way to the door and then haul ass to safety...wherever that was.

Steeling myself, I clutched my thick keyboard like a dwarven battle axe, reared back and kicked the door with all my strength.  It didn't budge.  I twisted my ankle and, in orchestrated unison, the zombie throng all turned my direction.  Having lost the element of surprise, I gingerly unlatched the solid wooden door and pushed it open.  I hobble-hopped, screaming into the rotting throng!  I swung my keyboard like a samurai playing baseball.  Each time the aluminum plate slammed into its decaying target, the recipient would burst into a Christmas colored mist of red and green chunks!  Somewhat familiar faces, contorted into grotesque caricatures of their former selves, washed by me in a blur of terrified fury.  With the fierceness of a thousand engineers, I slashed, bashed, clobbered, and ker-splatted my way to temporary freedom. 

Once past the wall of rotting flesh, I ran as fast as my programmer's atrophied legs could go.  Rounding a corner, I slipped into the first open shop I saw.  After closing the door behind me, I dropped to my knees and watched the zombie mass shuffle past with all the grace of a geriatric walk-a-thon.  Once the limb impaired stragglers had slithered by, I felt secure enough to inspect the shop.

The shelves were littered with secondhand knickknacks and junk.  Glass cases housed cheap jewelry, watches, and bric-a-brac.  Along the glorious back wall was a dizzying array of glistening black firearms!  A Pawnshop.  I'd taken refuge in a blessed Pawnshop.

Feeling the odds of my survival rising, I grabbed for the largest, most intimidating rifle I could see.  I held the weighty log of death like Al Pacino in Scarface.  "You wanna play rough?  Ok.  Say hello to my little..."  I stopped mid-impression with an uncomfortable realization...Montana died at the end.  I quietly exchanged the hulking weapon for its little brother.

I thought to myself, "OK...bullets.  I'm gonna need lots of'em.  Bullets...where are the bullets?"  To my soul crushing horror, I came to the conclusion that the shop's owner must have left in haste...and with ALL of the munitions,  leaving me with a store full of gun shaped baseball bats.

Hope swelled once more as I noticed a storage room door that had been partially obscured by an unusually large collection of Justin Bieber posters.  Crumpling the annoying collection aside, I opened the thick wooden door.  Inside was a dust covered tarp shrouding something large.  With a sturdy pull, I removed the tarpaulin and exposed my salvation.

Sitting, rusted and unused, was a Biomechanical Replacement Officer Bot V2 Dreadnaught series, destroyer unit.  I thought they'd all been dismantled after the Canadian Conflict of 2017.  As an engineer and enthusiast, I'd read everything there was to know about the Destroyers, but I'd never actually seen one.  I struggled to remember the startup procedure.  Within moments the monolithic metal monstrosity clicked and whirled to life.  I was as giddy as a schoolgirl in love...for about a minute...then the bot stopped moving.

Feeling my hope sputtering away, I ran through a mental check list and gained entry to a diagnostics console on the Dreadnaught's back.  A dimly lit display greeted me with "Android OS:  Death by Chocolate Addition."  I sighed, "30 billion dollars worth of hardware...powered by a cell phone operating system."  Fortunately, the bot had never been activated and was waiting for a quick preference setup.  While the LCD was working, its capacitive touch features were not.  Luckily, the bot's ingenious designers had included an accessible USB port...and I still had my keyboard.  A few moments later, my mechanical bodyguard was primed and ready for WAR!

Zombies vs. Man & Machine (but mostly Machine).  I rode my iron giant through the sea of animated, clutching corpses.  The horrors of that march are still branded in my brain.  I will never be able to forget what I saw...and for the rest of my days...I will have a phobia of parmesan grated spaghetti.

In the end, we did make it out of that dystopian nightmare.  Not long after exiting the city, we ran into a military quarantine unit and were transported to a safe zone.  Eventually the Zombie menace was contained.  We had taken back what remained of our decomposing planet.  It was a world steeped in rot...but it was OUR world.

When my grandkids eventually ask what skills I used to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I'll tell them the truth...none.  I only managed to live because of a quality keyboard and a big-ass brobot.

Show Image
(http://i.imgur.com/hwHDm8g.jpg)



I see a Zomray, Jd Rot, and Brainylake xD

That **** right there is freaking awesome man, great job
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Key-Fu on Sun, 23 March 2014, 19:23:50
Quote
I see a Zomray, Jd Rot, and Brainylake xD

That **** right there is freaking awesome man, great job

Thank you so much.  I'm happy you got a kick out of it.  I love your zombie names.  Very clever.  :)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Belfong on Sun, 23 March 2014, 19:58:12
Welcome to GH, Key-fu.. you've been lurking around, haven't you?


Quote from: Bro Caps on Sun, 23 March 2014, 03:27:35
1 more day. Also, added the new design that will be awarded to 1st place.

Bro, your OP said 25th Mar 10AM. Should be a couple more days, no?
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Sun, 23 March 2014, 20:49:37
Quote from: Belfong on Sun, 23 March 2014, 19:58:12
Welcome to GH, Key-fu.. you've been lurking around, haven't you?


Quote from: Bro Caps on Sun, 23 March 2014, 03:27:35
1 more day. Also, added the new design that will be awarded to 1st place.

Bro, your OP said 25th Mar 10AM. Should be a couple more days, no?


Oh... you're right. For some reason I thought the 25th was Monday.... guess I will have to put the zombies back in the ground another day.....


(http://i.imgur.com/wxwmVPP.gif)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Key-Fu on Sun, 23 March 2014, 21:08:52
Quote from: Belfong on Sun, 23 March 2014, 19:58:12
Welcome to GH, Key-fu.. you've been lurking around, haven't you?

Thank you very much for the greeting.  However, I've not been lurking for as long as you might think. 

I won't bog the thread down with my FULL origin, as I don't want to "speed bump" the topic.  So here's the super condensed version:  Several months ago I was lucky enough to get back into college.  In one of my classes I was assigned a seat and corresponding terminal.  On the first day I found my school-provided keyboard was covered in, what I can only assume were, Ebola slugs.  Whoever shared my seat assignment must be a ghost because they left the board covered in ECTOPLASM!

All I could think was, "This will not stand, ya know, this fingertip-aggression will not stand, man."

I decided to get a keyboard I could use at home and take to class.  I had heard about these fancy "mek-ann-ah-cool" keyboards, but had never seen or used one.

I'm not a wealthy man, so I research every purchase before making it.  Well, you can't investigate mechanical keyboards without ending up at GeekHack.  I have really been enjoying the education and community.

So why delurk now?  Hollywood has taught us that a person can be flushed from hiding for several reasons:  1. A villainous threat to a loved one.  2. Small animals or insects suddenly found to be poking around a person's crotch.  3. A chance at treasure!  I've been drawn out by reason three (mostly).

Still, I'm here now and a lurker no more.  :)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: jdcarpe on Sun, 23 March 2014, 21:09:11
Zombie Survival: A Guide for the Newly Thawed


Welcome to the future!

First the bad news. The zombie apocalypse happened. You probably remember vaguely the rumors of the beginnings of it. However, most of the people you knew and loved are probably gone now. It doesn't really matter how or exactly when it started, we just have to deal with the circumstances we find ourselves in now. The days of a national power grid, internet, and even indoor plumbing are for the most part, over. We had to learn how to live without some of the modern technological advances that most of you will have taken for granted. You will learn how, too. Much of the way people now live had to be re-learned from agrarian groups and societies, such as the Amish.

But cheer up! You made it. You lived through it, in a sense. Your loved ones had the foresight and financial ability to provide you with a way out. You slept through the worst of the plague in the comfort and stasis of cryo sleep. The earliest of you to join us has been asleep for over 15 years. We are now at a point where we can wake you and help you survive in the world as we now know it. You will need some advice to get started, and so we have written this guide to lead you toward self sufficiency in the new world.

1. First things first. The most important thing to your success in the new world is the will to survive. Yes, those who survived the plague have reduced the zombie population to a controllable level, but the zombies are still out there. You will have to be cautious. If you don't have a strong survival instinct, you're probably not going to make it.

2. Your kit. Some important things to always have at hand are:
Other items can of course be useful, depending on your situation. Scavenging supplies will become a routine activity for you. But resist the temptation to carry everything you find. You don't want to lose your ability to move quickly in an emergency.

3. The buddy system. Survival in the world of zombies is exponentially harder if you attempt to go it alone. Make a friend. Form into groups. Life becomes bearable when you don't always have to sleep with one eye open. Your buddy or group can keep watch while you sleep. A group's efforts can be maximized when each group member doesn't have to focus on doing every task on their own.

4. What do I do now? That is left for you to decide. This cryo facility is located in Antarctica. We will transport you to a (relatively) safe jump-off point. From there, you can choose to travel to an established community, or find a place to establish your own. Barter is the currency of choice now. When the governments fell, fiat currencies (paper money) became all but worthless. If and when you join a community, it is highly recommended to learn a trade, and to use your newly acquired skills to earn goods and services that others can provide.

So now that you have read our little guide, you have some idea of what you can expect for your immediate future. Be safe, be careful, and most of all, stay alive out there!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: naasfu on Mon, 24 March 2014, 05:50:26
Tuesday March 18 11:32pm

Today was not a good day.

While stopped at an intersection, some guy starts walking along the crosswalk in front of my car.  To my dismay, he takes his own sweet time crossing the street.  As he's about to pass my car, he stops and just stands there.  I glare at him with annoyance.  Then I notice he's wearing a pair of glasses with a little blue light shining from one eye.  Great, it's one of those rude Google Glass wearing idiots.  He's probably watching YouTube videos or checking email, and just too important to care about what's going on around him.

I honk my horn and yell.  Damn Gl*******.  He slowly turns his head, staring at me, with the blue light from his fancy high tech glasses shining in his eye.  His face is pale.  A little too pale.  And in contrast to his stark white face, there is blood smeared all over his mouth and his shirt.  Ok, something is really not quite right here.  His lower jaw drops open, and out comes an inhuman, gurgling moan.  He jumps onto the hood of my car, clawing at me through my windshield, smearing blood and bile all over the glass.  Panicking, I hit the gas and launch forward into the intersection, sending him, or rather it, flying off to the side.  Suddenly it occurs to me that there are more people about, and they're now all walking in the street heading towards my car with crazed looks in their eyes.  What the hell is going on?  I floor it and speed away from there in a hurry.

I arrive home and lock the front door.  Hmm.. the electricity is out, and there's no cell phone signal.  There's definitely something going on.  Then I hear screams coming from outside.  I look outside and see a neighbor in his front yard, with people huddling around him.  And it looks like they are eating him alive.  Oh my god.  It's too terrible to watch.

I've just finished barricading all the doors and windows with furniture.  Hopefully that'll keep them from getting inside easily.


Wednesday March 19 11:23am

I could not sleep at all last night.  Nervously I waited for the monsters to try and break into my house, but nothing.  Very puzzling.

In the morning, I snuck a peek outside my window.  I saw them lumbering about aimlessly outside in the street and on other people's lawns.  And I saw my neighbor from yesterday walking around too.  With blood all over.  And missing an arm.  And he had that rabid look like the rest of them.  Huh?  Zombies?  Just great, really.

For some odd reason I don't understand, they don't walk towards my house.  Once in awhile one of them stares blankly towards my house, hesitates, then continues walking along.  Why?


Thursday March 20 1:32pm

Sunflowers.  Somehow I think the zombies don't like sunflowers.  People thought I was crazy for planting them in my yard.  Nice, big yellow sunflowers.  But those seem to be keeping the zombies away.  This morning I saw a brave zombie amble up onto my front yard.  He took one sniff of the sunflowers using the hole in his face where his nose should have been, let out a moan and fell backwards onto the ground, and then crawled away from the house.

I ate the last of the food in house today.  Damn it.  I shouldn't have put off going to the market earlier this week.


Friday March 21 9:40pm

The zombies are still outside and haven't tried to enter my house.  And I'm hungry.  And getting a little crazy from being trapped inside the house for so long with no signs of improvement for this situation. 

Spending the day watching zombies through my window is getting old quickly...


Saturday March 22 6:45pm

I always thought BroBots looked good enough to eat.  So today, well, I went ahead and ate them.  Most actually tasted pretty good!  Sifo's Soul was the best.  A little like strawberries.  Jellybean Red?  Mmm... like, delicious chewy jellybeans.  However, Biohazard Lemonade was wretchedly foul.  What the hell did Bro use to make that?  Tasted like piss.

I ate all the BroBots.  They helped a little, but I'm still hungry.  Man, I wish I had more BroBots.


Sunday March 23 4:32pm

Today I peeked out the window, when one of the zombies spotted me looking out at him.  It sneered, stepped towards the house, looked at the sunflowers, then stopped.  Due to stress, hunger and cabin fever from being trapped in my own home for so long, I had a serious lapse of judgment.

"UMADBRO?!??  Come get some!" I yelled out at it, waving my fist at it and laughing.

Well, my foolish taunting really rustled its rotting, pus-filled jimmies.  It lurched towards the house again, and angrily clawed at one of the sunflowers.  Realizing that there was no ill effect, it then proceeded to chew on the sunflower.  Fantastic.

Then a very peculiar thing happened.  Another zombie strolled by and walked up to join the first one.  The two zombies traded grunts and moans as if talking with each other.  Then they both held up their arms, and hit their their fists against each other.  What the... bro fist bump?  Zombie bros?  Zombros? 

After that both began to munch on the sunflowers, with more joining them after that.  Not good.


Monday March 24 3:40am

The zombies spent all day eating through all the sunflowers, and they are now attempting to break inside.  I don't have much time left now.

It's time to make a last stand.  Unfortunately I don't really have much in the way of weapons.  Well, I do have these keyboards.  I do love my HHKB, but it's so light and thus useless as a weapon.  Plus yelling "Feel oneness with cup rubber, *****!" isn't going to scare anything off.  This Poker II with metal plate and aluminum case is going to have to do.  I can probably bash in a few zombie skulls with this at least.  Too bad I didn't get into buckling spring boards.  Those would have been lethal for sure.

If anyone reads this, that means I'm probably gone by now.  Hopefully there are survivors who make it through this ordeal and humanity is not lost. However for me, this is it.  Time to beat down some fools.

Enjoy your feeling, mother****ers!  Yes, that'll strike fear into their rotten little hearts.

naasfu out.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Sifo on Mon, 24 March 2014, 08:44:16
I will actually post an entry later today :(
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: isaske on Mon, 24 March 2014, 17:52:38
So I was planning to go on a longer journey with my sailboat for a long time now. Today is the day. The sun is shining, the sky is crystal clear. As my family bids me farewell, I get this strange feeling which strongly resembles this mini heart attack you get when the examination results get published. I didn't really get worried, since today was my day, the day I was waiting for so long.

I love the sea, you know. There, you have all the time you want to think about yourself, about all kinds of custom keyboards you could have, about custom keycaps, handcrafted by the gods of GH. It's just so quiet and peaceful.

5 days later ...

Something just feels off. As soon as I woke up on the lonely island where I made a temporary bunker to live in, I could smell something in the air. That was the reason for finally deciding to head home prematurely.

When I reached the shore, I couldn't believe my eyes. Before me lied a devastated landscape. My mind was blank, I couldn't think clearly about anything at all. It hurt so much, not knowing what actually happened. Actually, it's much worse than being a part of something scary.

Whatever happened, I had missed it all. My house is not that far from the shore, so I rushed to it as fast as I could. I found nobody. I didn't know what to do. My life ended in a span of one week and I didn't even realize it.

Suddenly, an apparition appeared before me. It said that me, and only me, can free this world of desperation. "Do you want to reverse what happened? You're the only one left alive, so this power can only be embraced by you. Are you ready to put the fate of the world in your hands?", it asked me. Of course I concurred.

"There is one condition, however. You will be given a zombie themed keycap, the toxic brobot. Be warned, it will be a magnificent specimen, an embodiment of a deity. You have to keep this keycap a secret and you may never, ever place it on a keyboard."

I saved the whole world and got this extraordinary keycap, which I could only observe from far away. It was so beautiful, yet so dangerous, the moment I looked at it, it filled me with fear and admiration at the same time. Every day, I took some time to just gaze at this beauty while not being able to touch it, and just thanked it for another chance it gave the world.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: skrotnisse on Mon, 24 March 2014, 19:26:23
My entry. Hope you guys like it.


----------

Day 1: Frank and the unknown threat to freedom and all of humanity
Something stirred on the other side of the globe, and this was something that Frank knew nothing about. He was just happy to finally have gotten a job and a good job at that. He had been employed by the Ministry of Defense and Freedom situated in Nevada to punch in numbers for the Counter-Intelligence Department, a job he was qualified for by the fact that he could touch-type. It wasn’t something he wanted to do; he was molded to become a philosopher, his father, a philosopher himself set out to create a genius intellect when Frank was born.
     Frank turned into a precocious child, at the age of three he translated The Critique of Pure Reason to English from its original German using touch-type exclusively, he mastered Latin at his sixth birthday and at the first day at elementary school, which he had looked forward to and was obviously a day of celebration for him, he started smoking the pipe. Everybody thought that Frank would turn out to become a great and prolific thinker, he even had naturally wild and exotic hair, but it wasn’t to be, after writing his doctoral thesis on the ontological consequences of the philosophical zombie and physicalism, no jobs would appear. He thought he had written a great work of art, nobody seemed to share his enthusiasm. He was bitter.
     “Freedom and thinking does obviously not belong together” he thought to himself.
     But now the tables had turned, he had gotten a job. On the other side of the globe jubilation turned into monstrosity and grim reality, something had been summoned. But, this was something Frank, or anyone else didn’t know **** about. How could they, this was North Korea. Best Korea.

Day 2: Sledgehammer and reconciliation
While the first day at Frank’s new job seemed like a breeze of relaxation and sanctimony, the second day really started when a random guy was running through the office with papers flying from his arms. The guy slammed the door after him going into the Chief of Joint Affairs office. Frank didn’t really think much about it, because he was tickling the elevations on the homerow, the closest he ever came to befundeling elevations.
     Suddenly he heard a guy shout, “How the **** were we supposed to know!? We’re the COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE! Don’t give me that ****, I will kill the **** out of you!”
     The guy that previously was running into the office with papers, was now flying through the door with the Chief charging after him with a sledgehammer ready to smash.
     “I guess that my boss”, Frank thought.
     “OK, dumb****s, listen up, the first guy that finds out what’s happening in North Korea gets a smiley badge!”
     The moment the chief said the last word people dropped what they were holding and started running towards their desk, some guys fainted the moment the Chief opened his mouth, a guy was even crapping himself as he ran towards the desk.
     One could just feel the schadenfreude oozing out of the Chief as he watched all the commotion.
     “And you better not be doing anything else, ****brains!” he slammed the door to his office and snared.
     “Wow, people really want smiley badges”, Frank said to himself, “What’s up with all the hype”. The guy at the neighbor desk gave Frank an angry yet sad stare and said “You know nothing, Frank…!”
     The group manager stood up and said that everybody should focus their efforts on what was going on in North Korea. After long hours nobody found anything. The Chief was not happy – guy was sent to the army surgeon.

Day 3: Feels are brewing!
The telephone was screaming Frank in the ear. He fumbled for it, dropping it on his face two times before he could answer. Somebody was screaming on the other end. Frank couldn’t make much of it.
     “Eeeerrrrrrrrmmmmmm…” said Frank, “who is this?”
     “We are under attack, dip****. Are you still lying in bed? Stand up, ****face!”
     Frank was barely a living being this early, he could not function without coffee, “my name is Frank, what time is it?”
     “Shut your pie hole, **** for brains, and get over here, now!”
     At the military camp where he worked there was complete chaos. People were running left and right, some were dragging crates with firearms, others were summoning troops to go fighting and this one guy had peed himself, he was probably working in Frank’s department.
     Frank opened the door to the office, there was no one there except some guys mumbling in the meeting room. Frank peeked in. The Chief and some random guys with bling on their shoulders were studying a map of the west coast.
     “There you are! We welcome you, massive turd of ****s. You are late to the party”, the Chief didn’t seem happy, as if he ever did.
     “We have been overrun by North Koreans, a couple million of them walked out of the water along the whole west coast tonight, it seems that they have walked underwater from NK, and the funny part is that there is no killing these ****holes.
     The Chief took a sip of coffee, and continued “It has come to my ear that you can touch-type. Its complete desperation over here, HQ does not know **** about what they are to do, and neither does the arrogant ****brains in Europe. We need you to log in and try to find out how we stop these walking ****s”.
     Frank was dragged in front of a computer that was situated in the Chiefs office, he was the only one left working the computers now, and now, to Frank’s dismay he had the chance to get to know the Chief better.
     “The smiley badge is still up for grabs, ****bucket,” said the Chief as he padded Frank on the back and then stormed out of the office while he called “SMILEYBADGE!”
     Frank walked and grabbed a coffee, getting ready to grab the **** out of that ****ty smiley ****.

It was getting late, when Frank caught a glimpse of something out of the ordinary. It seemed like all the radioactive material North Korea had been hoarding hadn’t been used for bombs, warheads or power plants, it had been used for a project that was called “Father of all Fathers”, and the document was labeled with a cosmic classification stamp.
     “What the hell”, Frank thought to himself, “top classification on a document about fatherhood, that doesn’t make sense”. Then again, nothing makes sense when using Google Translate.

Day 4: A something and its army
The Chief stormed into the room nearly tripping on the Ergo Dox that someone shamelessly had left on the floor, he had obviously been running, because he was panting like crazy, “… it’s… giant… something… huge… took down all… the planes… looks… like… Kim… Jung… Un…”
     It didn’t seem like the Chief was thinking straight so Frank interrupted, “Kim Jung-Un shot down the planes? Isn’t Kim Jung-Un dead?”
     “… he hit the recon planes with his… hand, and no… he isn’t dead anymore.”
     Frank had a hard time following what the Chief was talking about, confusion didn’t quite cover Frank’s feelings, it maybe that the Chief had broken down and was imagining nonsense now, this being real life attack from the North Koreans and all. “Are you sure that Kim Jung-Un, who is dead, hit the planes with his hand, I’m pretty sure he is short man, how did this happen?”
     Frank had a hard time keeping a serious face and couldn’t help smirking at the Chief now, “stop smiling you ****face, Kim Jung-Un is a three thousand feet high radioactive giant that stomps through Asia with one oversized arm who punches planes out of the sky now!!”
Then it hit Frank, this might just be true being that this was the first time the Chief called him **** in quite some time. This was serious.
     “What do we do then?” Frank asked.
     The Chief just shook his head and stared into nothingness “We don’t know yet, to be honest, we are having a hard time just coping with the hordes of North Koreans that are flooding our shores. We have yet to find an effective way of killing them. And the worst part of it is that they are so toxic that they infect everyone they come in contact with. They are just walking across our country infecting everyone”.
     “They are zombies, bro”, a voice emerged from behind the Chief.
     “They are what? Zombro?”
     A guy walked out from behind the Chief saying “No, they are Zombies, bro. The living dead, you know”.
     The Chief stepped forward “This is Gene, he has been gathering some intelligence for us for some time, and we took him here so you two could make a joint effort.”
     “So Frank, do you know what’s going on?” Frank shrugged his shoulders, Gene continued talking while gesticulating wildly “well from what I have figured out, North Korea have been trying to resurrect Kim Jung-Un for some time now. He is North Koreas great father, you know. Well, they figured it out; it seems they need a lot of radioactive material to be able to synthesize the serum necessary for a complete resurrection. And while pumping the serum through the pipelines from the factories where they make it tons of it has leaked into the ground. Dead toxic people, or radioactive zombies if you want, have started to crawl up from the ground en masse in the whole of North Korea. And they are just marching around infecting more and more people”.
     The Chief interrupted, “the worst part of it all is that we are running out of personnel to fight the zombies. We are basically surrounded by now, and there are getting more and more of them, Kim Jung-Un has started throwing scores of zombies at us from across the pacific. He is working as artillery support for the invading zombies, large parts of the Great Wall of China were flying at us yesterday, so most of our armored vehicles are shattered to **** now. If it weren’t for Kim we could have coped with the invasion.”
     Frank thought The Chief looked kind of depressed, it had to be something because his pathology of saying “****” had almost subsided.
     Gene and the Chief looked at each other “we have to do this” the Chief said.
     Gene nodded and looked up at Frank “you have to come with us Frank. We have an assignment for you”. 
     Gene and the Chief stepped apart making way for Frank to be guided out of the office, they walked through several doors which Frank didn’t have clearance too and into an elevator he never thought existed, this being a one floor building. Inside the elevator Gene and the Chief were just staring at the elevator door. Frank was getting more and more nervous, what was it that they wanted him to do. After thirty minutes of descending they got out and Frank was guided into a room with a sleeping bag.
     “You sleep here tonight, Frank. We got out just in time, you know. The compound is swarming with zombies now, everyone is dead. You got a big day tomorrow, so get some rest”.
     The Chief shut the door super gently; he seemed like a reformed man. Maybe that was the cure against douchbaggery – getting conquered.

Day 5: My body is ready
“Wake up, Soldier!”
     It was obviously the Chief. Frank rubbed his eyes, looking up at a big army shoes that had mustaches attached to them. Yup, it’s the Chief.
     “You got to see this, you lucky son of a ****, it’s your big day”.
     He literally dragged Frank out of the bed, and guided him through some corridors before they entered the biggest room Frank had ever seen. “Room” seemed a misplaced word related to the enormity of the distance between each end. It was big, really big, mind-bogglingly big. The walls were littered with floodlights to be able to even light this place. The roof… not even visible. And in the middle of it all, a giant robot.
     “So,” a grin had started on the Chiefs face that would soon reach epic proportions, “are you ready?”
     “Ready for what?” asked Frank.
     “Saving the world in a giant robot of gleaming awesomeness?”
     Frank just stared at him.
     The Chief continued “Yes, you are going to defeat Kim Jung-Un in this thing,” the grin had manifested.
     “No!” Frank was very clear on this point, “No… No, no, no, no, no”
     “Yes, you are going to defeat the invasion of zombies, and you are going to paddle this thing over to Asia and defeat the huge Kim. Do I need to cite your obligations as an American to you,” the Chief gave him a stare, “if you do not do this, it is the end of the world”.
     Frank started laughing “But unfortunately, I don’t know anything about operating a Giant Death Robot.”
     “Well, we have worked out all the details,” The chief waved over a couple of the scientist that was there, “these guys have worked tirelessly to suit it for you after I told them that it was only you left on the globe that could touch-type proper.”
     One of the scientist started talking, “Yes, this is the BroBot, it has an inbuilt AI which analyses your typing pattern and from that interprets what kind of actions you want to perform, all you have to do is touch-type flawlessly as fast as you can manage. The Chief told me that you are averaging in 110 wpm. That is good, but might not be good enough. It is imperative that you will try your upmost to touch type faster, the continuation of the human race depends upon it.”
     Another scientist emerged, “yes, the level of output you provide will translate into the effectiveness of the BroBot as a fighting machine. The Brobot will synergies with your thoughts and the proficiency of your typing.”
     A third scientist emerged, they were clearly exited, but also desperate, “…construction of the BroBot started in the fifties as a cold war response. But, due to the fact that it is a gargantuan frame, and would leave a giveaway footprint in usage, we have never tested it. You will be the first to even see if it works!”
     Even more scientists emerged speaking at the same time, Frank couldn’t differentiate who said what, “…world most powerful weapon…”, ”three thousand five hundred feet tall”, “…almost went haywire”, “…rail gun with nuclear capabilities”, ”157 mounted machineguns”, “intravenous coffee infusion system…”, “…electrocution, anti-personnel device…”, “dead silent, ironically made for surprise attack”, “flamethrower muzzle…”, “…system contained ammunition factor, “unprecedented hydraulics, with unlimited movement speed…”, “armed with state of the art weaponry”, “
     Frank couldn’t keep up and interrupted, “I don’t know anything about combat or weaponry!!”
“… we have a big problem...”, “no, knowledge of the rail-gun…”, “…what about the flamethrower”, “unable to communicate with the BroBot”, “… won’t work…”
     The Chief stepped in, “I thought I told you, this guy’s knowledge is limited to keyboards. And that you were to arm the BroBot with loads of keyboards for fighting!?”
    “We heard you say that, and we started doing so, but thought it was a silly idea, so we didn’t run with it”
    “Well, didn’t you hear what Frank said, dumb****s!?” the Chief didn’t seem happy, “he does not know **** about weapons. Arm it with KEYBOARDS NOW!!!”
     The Chief guided Frank away. “Will you be ready in an hour,” Chief held one arm around Franks shouldiers, “we need to strike now, if we don’t counter-attack against Kim Jung-Un now, our capital will fall in 74 hours.”
     “You really don’t have a choice in this,” the Chief continued, “and I’m sorry about that, but there are hardly anyone left to fight, you are my best bet.”
     “If touch-typing is all there is too it, I guess I can do it” Frank replied.
     The Chief’s face lightened up “yes, touch-typing and a big heart!”
     The Chief wandered off.
     After some time a fleet of what looked like maintenance robots came in through a door and started swarming the Brobot. They had crates which they plugged into sockets on the on the BroBot’s back. There was a lot of steam and shuffling about. Right below the scaffolding where Frank was standing, a couple of scientist were pacing nervously up and down while giggling with excitement.
     Suddenly every robot and scientist were dead silent. For a moment it seemed like nothing was happening, then a massive light emerged from the BroBot’s eyes, even though it was incredibly far up, Frank had to shield his eyes from the glowing brightness.
     “It’s fantastic…” the Chief stood amazed behind Frank.

After a bit of moral and technical guidance, Frank was elevated up towards the entry hatch in the neck of the BroBot. On the factory floor everybody was saluting at Frank, after some time he couldn’t see them anymore. Getting to the top, Frank entered through steam filled doors and saw just a seat and an unknown keyboard elevated to it with a gyro arm. The room wasn’t large, it seemed like you operated the whole thing from that seat. The chair was really close to the glass which Frank concluded had to be one of the eyes of the BroBot. Some of the scientist had told him earlier that the BroBot is a two man machine. You had to be two to secure fluid movements, and these two operators had to train daily to achieve consensus in guiding the movements. The other person was to be situated behind the other eye. Frank was alone, he got in the seat.
   Then the Chief started talking over the com, “Are you seated, Frank?”
   “Yes!” said Frank hesitantly.
   “Ok, hold on, we will start elevating the platform shortly” replied the Chief.
Seconds after the armored machine slowly started to move upwards. Slowly, but steady, it was creeping closer to towards the tiny spot of light at the top of the bunker.

It was late evening outside, and the light that was shining through the hole was barely visible due to the fact that there was falling loads of zombies down at the platform. Frank sat watching the creatures falling in front of his window. He looked down and saw that the zombies were piling up at the BroBot’s feet.
     The elevator stopped, even Frank’s imagination couldn’t cope with how high up in the air he was. He could see clearly for miles and miles. The sun peeked out through some clouds in at the horizon. The ground looked like mud, but it was carpeted with zombies, and they were swarming at the BroBot. Frank looked down, what did he do now? Suddenly, bolts of lightning shot out at the base of the BroBot, frying every zombie in a huge radius.
     “Do you have it moving!?” the Chief was screaming into the com.
     “No,” replied Frank, “not yet. What do I do again?”
     “Just start touch-typing.” The guys at the other end said in chorus.
     “Start touch-typing,” Frank thought to himself, “what do I type then…?” and just then words started zooming at him on the window.
     Well, he had to just jump into it, and let his fingers just run casually “letter sentence day be then than of there animal story”. The BroBot jerked into motion. Muzzles opened at its shoulders firing 60% aluminum cased keyboards in rapid fire, bombarding zombies bellow. Frank looked at it while he continued touch-typing, “leave school have above start begin would between as when we enough near”. Tubes appeared at the hips of the machine, spraying liquefied acrylonitrile butadiene styrene at everything in sight, at the same time it was kicking, stomping and falcon punching zombies into pieces.
     “How is it going?” it was the Chief again.
     “Smooth” replied Frank, he was feeling great, this was a great job!
     After ten minutes with loads of “father back before face keep make many here high be car tell that city much line where state show but later young quickly  so above he page such,” Frank had killed so many zombies, that where there was a carpet of them earlier, there was now only solitary ones gnawing at his ankles.
     Frank called up the Chief in the com, “What do I do now? I have killed the zombies here.”
     “Great work, Frank! Head out west, we need to get you across the pacific.”
     Frank shot off towards the coast, getting from A to B wasn’t a problem in the BroBot, it was fast as a jet plane, and ran smooth as David Hasselhoff in Baywatch, “small miss little made have number must line off part Indian one as side every number.” Easy.

At the west coast Frank a heap of mega tankers in the waters. They were clustered together forming what look two cross country skis.
     “Yes, those are your floaters,” it was the Chief again, he was watching Frank through Dronecam “hook those up and paddle over to the Asian coast”
     “…”Frank replied,
     “For paddling,” the Chief continued, “you have a set of great, multipurpose Ergo Dox attached to your back plate.
     Frank reached on his back “soup far part second.”
     “Yes, you got them.”
     Frank fastened the Ergos in the BroBot’s palm, and kneeled down on the mega tankers. “This is going to take forever,” Frank thought, “the pacific is huge”.
The BroBot lowered the Ergos down into the water.
     The sun was going down and it had started to hale. He could see that there was awful weather to the west, it was creeping east. “May be the amount of radioactivity that monster pumps out”, Frank said to himself, and started to touch-type.
     The BroBot accelerated so fast it started to glow like a light bulb. The Ergo Dox attached to BroBot’s arms was so effective paddling with that the tankers never touched water after takeoff. Frank crossed half of the pacific in three seconds. He could see Japan closing fast, and a green glowing creature in the distance. Frank took aim.
     The Brobot touched down in Japan with such force that it became a ramp launching it across the Sea of Japan. It flew over South Korea so fast that no one saw it. Frank saw Kim Jung-Un waiving around in Gansu, he gathered the feet in front forming an arrow towards its head.
     Frank braced himself inside the cockpit. The impact struck with enormous force, sending Kim flying towards Xinjiang. The tankers shattered into millions of pieces. The BroBot landed face down. The zombies that wasn’t killed due to the epic impact was swarming the area, wanting a bit or two of that lovely Brobot.
     “I have to kill these too?” Frank was in shock and reacted with annoyance.
“right start is big now right line long white really about little earth onto mountain thing quickly”
     Frank saw a figure standing up in the west. It started to charge towards him. Frank focused his armaments towards it, BroBot leaning into a forward stance, shoulder cannons pumping out custom TKL’s, forearms sniping at Kim’s head with rare PBT spacebars, back-ballista firing arrows littered with novelty caps from grab bags.
     But nothing deterred Kim’s pace. He crashed, head first, into the torso of the Brobot. It sank together. Kim was flailing its huge arm, he hit several times, and each time it stunned Frank trying to touch-type.
     “You got to focus, Soldier!!!” said the Chief on the com.
     But Frank couldn’t type correctly, “often mountain nw even group can me thoughr us somrrhing.”
     The BroBot was down on its knees getting bashed by Kim, Zombies started to swarm up its leg. Frank had to not let them get into the mussels and cannons destroying its mechanisms, he had to get up.
He got into the correct sitting position and closed his eyes, gambling on the effectiveness of muscle memory and the BroBot’s will to power.
     As Kim was about to slam Frank further into the ground, he Jet Li rolled to the left and equipped the Ergo Dox as punching glows. Super stiff switches helped set their mark on Kim’s face as Frank was typing at 150 wpm – the BroBot punched like a hurricane. Switching between body shots and ferocious hooks to the face, Kim was staggered. The BroBot ended its combo with an elbow into the head of Kim, sending him back several miles.
     The shoulder cannons kept on firing Custom TKL’s at 600 boards per minute rapid fire, as the BroBot was charging up for a massive falcon punch. But just before connecting the punch, Kim Jung-Un swung his arm and revealing a terrifying scream. The shockwave shattered the window to Franks cockpit, exposing him to a tornado of gamma rays. He tried to shield himself from them using BroBot’s arms, but it was too little, too late. He was burning up. His skin felt like it was melting. The right eye just ran out of its socket and his face scorched. Fused to the chair, he vomited himself, and passed out. The BroBot fell in a twist backwards, facing down in the mud. Kim towered over him, he grabbed the BroBot by the neck, held it up, smiled at it, and threw it down to the shores of Vietnam. Planning to drown Frank in the South China Sea, he ran towards the crater were Frank lay half dead.
     “Wake UP, Frank… no time for this, ****brain!! … don’t you… I will beat the **** you of you… initiate emergency sequences… start typing!!” Frank couldn’t compute with anything the Chief said anymore. He was looking out into the ocean. Satisfied with the solution that was at hand. Zombies had overrun the world anyways, there was nothing left fighting for.
     He passed out. He started dreaming of gold. “Here Hector entered, with a spear eleven cubits long in his hand; the bronze point gleamed in front of him, and was fastened to the shaft of the spear by a ring of gold”.
Frank woke up. Kim hadn’t gotten hold of him yet. Through the corner of his eye he could see something shining at the shore.
     “GET TO THE WATER FRANK!!!” the Chief was screaming in his ear.
     At the shore there was a huge keyboard made of gold. It was transported to the coast by a fleet of tankers.
     Frank touch typed as fast as he could, staggering down to the shore. He could see it now. It was a IBM Model M. The god mother of all keyboards. Frank reached to grab it. It’s weight was perfect. He had found his perfect keyboard. Energy was coming back to him. He would not let the zombies win. Zombies cannot touch-type!
     Kim was flying at him. Telegraphing a giant swing with his abnormal arm. Frank had a serene calmness about him. He was enlightened. He had no longer the need for random words delivered to him. He was a philosopher at trade. So he started citing great works of philosophy.
     “One does not simply touch-type Heidegger at 250 wpm, Frank!!? Stick with the program," the Chief was shouting in the com again.
     But Frank had already started.
     “Has Dasein itself, in the range of its concernful absorption in equipment ready-to-hand, a possibility of Being in which the worldhood of those entities within-the-world with which it is concerned is, in a certain way, lit up for it, along with those entities themselves?”
     “We shall seek the worldhood of the environment (environmentality) by going through an ontological Interpretation of those entities within-the-environment which we encounteras closest to us”
     Frank was typing faster and faster. Everything in the universe except the fingers of Frank seemed to be going so slow as standing still. Frank finished it off the series of quotations with a huge sentence from Kant, “And then nothing can protect us against a complete falling away from our Ideas of duty, or can preserve in the soul a grounded reverence for its law, except the clear conviction that even if there never have been actions springing from such pure sources, the question at issue here is not whether this or that has happened; that, on the contrary, reason by itself and independently of all appearances commands what ought to happen; that consequently actions of which the world has perhaps hitherto given no example—actions whose practicability might well be doubted by those who rest everything on experience—are nevertheless commanded unrelentingly by reason; and that, for instance, although up to now there may have existed no loyal friend, pure loyalty in friendship can be no less required from every man, inasmuch as this duty, prior to all experience, is contained as duty in general in the Idea of a reason which determines the will by a priori grounds.”
    The BroBot dived in a roll, under the arm of the radioactive zombie, Kim Jung-Un and stood up behind him, swung his gold Model M. It crushed Kim’s torso into particles. Just as it happened Frank fainted.

The aftermath
A cloud of long range chinooks came flying towards Frank. They lifted the BroBot across the Pacific, home to ‘murica. Frank was in a coma at the hospital for 4 months. After waking up he was awarded with the smiley badge in a ceremony at Nevada and a doctor’s degree in philosophy at his local university. He cried a solitary tear from the clear blue eye on his pale face.


 (Written on a Ducky Mini and a Ducky YYY)

-   Frank
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: eth0s on Mon, 24 March 2014, 22:51:31
Personal Log

March 24, 2015
9:30 AM

My name is Carl Duuderstadt, and I'm 28 years old.  I have an MBA from a top-tier university.  I'm pretty smart.  I love America and I love free enterprise.  I'm presently the Vice President of Marketing for the Mid-West region for Freiheit Pharmaceuticals, Inc., headquartered right here in New York City.   

I say "presently" because I just got word that our CEO Fritz Freiheit III, has noticed my brilliant work on Zombrox, and wants to promote me to Managing Director of Sales & Marketing for the entire company, due to the total grand-slam home-run I had on the Zombrox marketing campaign. 

When Mr. Freiheit III told me that I was one of his "heavy hitters", I got a little misty, I have to admit. His grandfather, who was the founder of our company, Herr Doktor Freidrich ("Fritz") Freiheit I is one of my personal heroes.  The elder Herr Doktor Freiheit was a war refugee from Germany who was given asylum in America in 1946 at the behest of the American Military-Industrial Complex.  Herr Doktor Freiheit's story is truly inspiring:  He was a simple war refugee with an MD and a Ph.D., and his resources were limited to only those tens of millions of dollars in art, gold and diamonds that he managed to take with him after the war, which he used to start a medium-sized global pharmaceuticals company right here in America, well really in New Jersey, but that's America too.

Anyway, enough of that. Zombrox!  Zombrox is the pharmaceutical that made my career.  What's funny is that I'm not really even sure what Zombrox does exactly, or how it works.  I know it was developed from one of the Herr Doktor's Top Secret formulas that he brought over from Germany after the war, and that it was supposed be used by the US Army, or something like that.  I can't find any info on how we developed Zombrox.  But, what I do know is that before I came along, the sales of Zombrox were zilch.  Nada.  Nuttin'.  Nobody wanted it.  Well, where others saw a problem, I saw an opportunity!  So I used what they taught me about free enterprise in business school, and I came up with the idea of marketing Zombrox to the general public.  Genius!   

But I had to figure out who I could sell Zombrox to.   So I looked at the data from the clinical trials, and I found that Zombrox completely blocked all peripheral nerve pain in 100% of the test subjects.  You could literally stab one of those test subjects in the arm or leg with a knife, and they didn't feel a thing!  I know because I saw Mr. Freiheit III doing it.  Over and over again.  Boy he really liked testing Zombrox on people!   So you know, when I saw how effective Zombrox was as a pain-blocker, I had my "a-ha" moment.  Cha-ching.  I could sell Zombrox as a cure for low-back pain.  Ba-zing.  Lots of people in America have back pain.  And that meant one thing:  money, money, money. 

Well, now this is where the real brilliant part comes in, because selling Zombrox to the general public took some serious salesmanship.  Those pin-heads in R&D put out a list of side-effects that was literally ridiculous.  Literally.  Seriously.  Ri-Friggin'-****-U-Luss.  And I just know it was that jackass Bob Jenkins in legal that sent that list of side-effects to the FDA.  Jenkins makes everyone's life miserable with his "fact-checking".  When I get to be Managing Director, I'm going to fire that idiot Jenkins.  [NOTE:  I gotta put that on the Google calendar to do list:  Fire Jenkins!]  And of course, once those communists at the FDA got a look at Jenkins' stupid list of side-effects, the FDA made us put that whole damned list on the micro-printed insert that goes inside the box next to the Zombrox bottle that nobody reads. 

I still have the original report from our R&D lab.  Right at the top of the report, in bold letters, it says:  "FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY"  Jeez loo-weez, what part of "internal use only" did Jenkins not understand?  You don't have to tell those government regulators everything!  It's called an "inadvertent failure to disclose" Jenkins, you jackass. 

Anyway, here is the part of the R&D report on Zombrox that I love: ". . . total nerve block, lowers blood pressure, lowers blood sugar, causes dramatic weight loss"!  Zombrox sounds like a miracle drug, no?  You eat more and more, but continue to lose weight! 

Well, I should've stopped reading after the first paragraph, because the report goes on for another five pages and says stuff like this:  "some of the serious side effects of taking Zombrox may include (but may not be limited to) the following:  photosensitivity, day-time lethargy, chlorosis (lol, "green skin", who are they kidding with this stuff?), whitening of the eyes, slurred speech, moaning, shambling, radically increased appetite, extreme body odor due to rot, serious halitosis, and in some rare cases cannibalism."   Cannibalism?  Those idiots in R&D actually wrote down cannibalism?  Who would do that?  Do you have any idea how hard it was to sell Zombrox with cannibalism as a known side-effect?  But I did it.  'Cuz I'm a genius.  "Coup de Grace" the French call it.  Or maybe Coup de Magic, or Coup de Sang, or something.  Who speaks French anyway? 

So I initiated a full spectrum marketing campaign:  TV, print media, social media, internet, spam emails re: "ch34p RX Zombrox", we were everywhere.  Celebrity endorsements.  NASCAR, Super Bowl, puppy bowl.  Everywhere.  And Zombrox started selling.  And I mean it was SELLING.  It flew off the pharmacy shelves.  Sure you needed a prescription for Zombrox, but I got approval from Mr. Freiheit III to pay every doctor in America a little something extra for pushing Zombrox.   And boy-howdy, you'd be surprised what a motivator a chance at winning a 5-day Hawaiian vacation for 2 can be (meals not included).  Those doctors wrote so many scripts for Zombrox, I thought our Chinese factory was going to have to empty the children's prison next door to get enough labor!  (Well, they did that anyway, but that was really just to help those children learn the American free-enterprise work ethic.) 

March 21, 2016
9:30 AM

Well, it's been a year since I got that huge promotion, and that huge bonus, and since I bought that huge apartment on the 54th floor of a high-security, high-rise apartment building overlooking Central Park.  And it's been a year since Skyler-Whitney-Madison, the "dancer" I was dating, finally agreed to move in with me.  So everything was looking up for me, but then those communist trial lawyers started making trouble.

Nobody cared about the side-effects of Zombrox until those damned TV commercials started coming on TV late at night last spring:  "Has somebody you know been acting like a mindless revenant after taking Zombrox?  Have they recently tried to eat you?  Have you lost a child, spouse or parent?  If yes call 1-800-LAWSUIT.  You may be entitled to a financial award for your loss."  But even though Freiheit Pharma got sued a couple of times, we made so much money off Zombrox that we just paid a few piddling settlements to those communist trial lawyers as a cost of doing business.  Thank Freiheit for the American Justice system!

But then things got a tad bit more serious last Fall, after that idiot Jenkins from legal took a bite out of somebody on the 11th Floor.  [Why didn't I fire him?]  After that, it seemed like every other person was biting somebody every other day.  Well, thank Freiheit, that we had a platoon of private security goons on the executive floor.  After Jenkins went all bitey, we executives had to seal ourselves off from the common corporate staff, well, I mean even more than usual, heh heh. 

At home, it was pretty much the same thing, first we had Central Park South cordoned off from Fifth Avenue to Columbus Circle by our private security forces.  Then we hired more private security forces to push back the common biters, block by block.  Eventually we cleared the entire island of Manhattan free from those "Zombrox Zombies", as some people call them.  I just call 'em cretins, which is the same thing I called them before the "Zombrox apocalypse".  The damned liberal media started calling it a damned "Zombrox apocalypse".  What a bunch of negativity.  Not a free market solution anywhere to be found from those lefties.  The liberal journalists were also calling for "collective action" and "coming together to fight a common foe".  Those words could have been spoken by Karl Marx himself.  Fox News is the only place that got it right.  First they correctly called the "Zombrox apocalypse" the biggest hoax since global warming.  And now, they are right in identifying these trying times as "America's Greatest Opportunity".  When life gives you lemons . . . well you know, you hire the poor people who can fight as mercenaries, and you leave the rest to fend for themselves.  Saving people and rescuing survivors with tax-paid government aid is the worst thing you can do to poor people.  It robs them of their freedom to come up with a profitable solution to their predicament.  It's un-American.   

There are plans to turn Central Park into a for-profit farming zone, and to put some of those shiftless layabout Hipsters to forced labor growing gourmet locavore produce for our five-star restaurants.  But I don't have much faith in such a plan, since I dunno if anybody can get those Hipsters to do any actual farm work.  It will probably be easier to train the cretins.  Plus, the cretins smell better.     

The only real downside of this whole thing has been that sales of Zombrox have fallen off recently, as the number of back-pain sufferers has been reduced, umm, through attrition.  Also the number of doctors has been, umm, reduced as well.  I'm not happy about that at all, since those doctors were our primary delivery system for Zombrox, well, along with the free enterprise system of financial incentives.  But one silver lining is that the number of trial lawyers has also been greatly reduced as well.  Pretty much most of America is now "listening to Zombrox".  And I'm pretty proud of my small part in this great victory of American free enterprise over the unnatural forces of liberalism, collectivism and negativity.   
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: naasfu on Mon, 24 March 2014, 22:58:24
Quote from: Sifo on Mon, 24 March 2014, 08:44:16
I will actually post an entry later today :(

Cool story, bro.  Go Sifo go!

I haven't had a chance to read most of the stories yet, but it's nice to see all the different styles everyone has posted. :)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: chaosstep on Tue, 25 March 2014, 01:53:28
I wanted to write something before you guys have written the stories.
Anyway, You guys are really creative, I'm impressed.  :thumb:
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: infiniti on Tue, 25 March 2014, 03:33:10
Unless the zombie apocalypse starts in Asia, I think it would take some time for it to reach Philippine shores much like Cable TV, the Internet, and mechanical keyboards. :))

Short-term: junkfood and the shih-tzu! :))
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/junkfood%20and%20dog.JPG)

But seriously, the short-term plan is to survive in the suburbs long enough for the initial evacuation waves to subside.

Long-term is to bug-out to the provinces.

Shelter, Food, and Water.  The farm at [REDACTED] has a supply of clean drinking water from a natural spring, a nearby river, fruit trees, arable land, and some livestock (mostly chickens).

Firearms and Ammunition.  My pistol and rifle marksmanship is OK.  I won't say good since I never validated it through competing.  On the subject of ammunition, a new STUPID law here limits ammunition to a maximum of fifty (50) rounds for each registered firearm (http://www.gov.ph/2013/05/29/republic-act-no-10591/).  Stupid, stupid law.  I still need to see how this plays out.

Melee Weapons and Hand-to-Hand Combat.  If a zombie isn't within range of my melee weapons, I'd run away instead of confronting it just to avoid the unnecessary risk.

Friends and Family.  Blood is thicker than water so I can't say no if they want to tag along.  Friends...well, the ones I know will contribute to the long-term goal of survival are welcome.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: CPTBadAss on Tue, 25 March 2014, 11:13:01
Here my entry. Bonus points if you know what book I'm basing this story on. And if you don't already know:

More
This story reads better if you read it while listening to this song. Promise :P


“Yo I told you turn that **** off” croaked the sergeant.

“You can’t be serious! Didn’t you know this is supposed to be our theme song? Our battle cry? Our swan song? I’m trying to get into it Sarge!”

“All you rookies this dumb? Or do I have this distinct honor?”

“What are you talking about Sarge?”

“Swan song means that it’s your last song before your death. You planning on dying ****ing new guy?”

“Er...no Sarge…”

The rookie hurried to turn off  the radio, which was blaring Iron Maiden’s The Trooper. The squad was huddled around a campfire, trying to relax. It had been a long trek to get to Hope. Even with the long journey though, a lot of the men were restless. Some dragged on cigarettes, others sharpened their lobotomizers, and some fools were playing mumbley peg. Under normal circumstances, this would be commonplace in the camp except for the fact that the knives were flying all over. Sergeants and lieutenants were scolding men for playing at a time like this. But the knives just kept going all over.

Sarge had the squad break out the tents, find water and firewood, and setup a security perimeter. He was insistent that a perimeter was always set. Even if the squad was with a company or battalion, he would have us setup patrols and a lookout for our little area of the camp. I guess being the night before the big action had really loosened the rookie’s tongue. Who could blame him though. Tomorrow we were supposed to accomplish what they couldn’t do at Yonkers.

“Hey Sarge, why do we always set up perimeters? I mean it makes sense when we’re alone in the wilderness but not when we’re battalion or brigade strong. What gives?”

Normally the sergeant was gruff and would demerit soldiers for speaking out of line. Some of the older guys whispered that he could get away with it since he and the captain had served together since before the zed-heads were first discovered. Others swore that he was at Yonkers. And most of the new recruits just thought Sarge was being a hardass.

“If you saw your buddy’s face chewed off, you’d be cautious after too.”
 
The older squad members just shook their hands grumbling, “Goddamn Land Warrior”. They scooted a little further away, breaking down and cleaning their Standard Issue Rifles.

“Do you all remember watching Yonkers on TV?”

“Sarge, everyone remembers that. That’s why I joined the Army.”

“Do you all remember how we broke and ran? Did you ever hear the real reason? Let me tell you, when you see the scope filled with Gs after the barrage of rockets and artillery and everyone is panicking what are you going to do? The Gs can survive Rolling Thunder? The Big Guns. How were us grunts going to stand up to the horde? And of course we were all hormones on legs, drunk on the old time obsession of technology and bad tactics. For God’s sake, we were still aiming for the chest of the Zeds! You’d think one person would have read a ****ing sci-fi book or watch some B-movie and figure it out. I mean you at least we’d have a start. ****ing vampires, you know to go for the head and ****.

Stupid computers linking us all together so we can watch our battle brothers’ faces get eaten alive. So ****ing stupid.”

 Most of the squad just stared. Sarge never spoke more than two sentences and he just poured his heart out? Did the world just end for real? Was Sarge turning? Of course, the FNG couldn’t help himself.

“But Sarge, what’s Land Warrior?”

“Ugh, so you are just plain stupid…Lights out at 2200 ladies. Tomorrow we face the Gs…again.”

I don’t know about the rest of the squad, but I didn’t sleep much that night. If Sarge was rattled by facing the Gs tomorrow, how were we supposed to cope? Granted the Army has come a long way since Yonkers but that didn’t mean that this wouldn’t fail either. I remember the bravado and lead up to Yonkers. The propaganda showing the might of the strongest, most technologically advanced Army the world has ever known steamrolling the zombie horde. It was all a beautiful dream.



The sunlight woke me before the bugles did. I looked over to and see if the rookie had stuck around. On one hand, deserting his post would be stupid since we were in the middle of nowhere but on the other hand, who could blame him? His first engagement and his commanding officer seems to be losing it? Looking around for something to do to calm my nerves, I started sharpening my lobo again. My SIR was polished and triple-checked, ready for the endless headshots that were sure to come. As I ran the hone over the edge, the guard came in from his rotation. I nodded to him and went to take my place on the perimeter.

Throughout my march, it struck me how flat some of the Southwest was. I could see prairie as far as I looked. It looked like the horizon merged with tall grass in the far distance. This was light years away from Yonkers. The highway and buildings all smashed togetherher. This was open range and I could understand the romanticizingg of it. Too bad in a few hours we’d be stacking G bodies thirty high…

I finally heard the bugles call and I headed back for role call. It was awkward, after the speech from Sarge last night. We all mulled around until some of the older guys fell into place and we just followed out of habit. Sarge just told us that whatever happened, this wouldn’t be Yonkers all over again. That he’d make sure we would all get out alive and on top of a huge zombie pile.

But we weren’t all as confident as Sarge. I mean he had to be rattled right? How were we going to get through it? Training? New tactics? A big ass ax? I wasn’t sure. And the rest of the camp was in similar disarray. Usually an orderly machine, today the men were all over. Many were smoking but some were so nervous, they were just gnawing at their butts instead of smoking them. Sarge and the other sergeants tried to bring some order but none of the command chain seemed to care. It reminded me of that moment in pre-school right when the parents were dropping off their children. They were told it was coming but once they realized mom was actually LEAVING them at this strange place, the real reactions came out. It was just a weird mix of drawn faces, crying, machismo, and weapons.

It was almost a relief when the call to arms came. We formed our lines in from of the supply depots. Huge towering boxes of ammo with the Army Reserve kids running clips and crates back and forth. I took my place in the front line, facing the east. The older guys said they were owed the second line since it was easier. They already saw some ****. It was our turn to be the first responders and to take the first shots at the hordes.

Were we ready? Was I going to **** my pants? Are Rookie and I going to rack up the most kills in the squad? I’m not really sure. But I know that I was shocked out of my reverie when I heard Sarge yell, “Do you maggots want to live forever?! Play that ****ing song!”

You take my life but I’ll take yours too!

And we heard the rumble of a million Gs running across the prairie.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: jalaj on Tue, 25 March 2014, 12:00:35
We'll survive in the afterlife.
Just need a gun and two bullets.
One for you, one for me.
Let's do this.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: jalaj on Tue, 25 March 2014, 12:03:34
dude, GH's webserver's time is off.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: riotonthebay on Tue, 25 March 2014, 12:06:49
Quote from: jalaj on Tue, 25 March 2014, 12:03:34
dude, GH's webserver's time is off.

Hmm, it's been accurate in my experience.

Regardless, I think the contest just ended :). Have fun reading all of these, Broseph.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Tue, 25 March 2014, 12:24:45
Thanks for playing everyone! Submissions are now over! :)


I will announce the winners in the next couple days. Stay tuned ;)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: lcs on Tue, 25 March 2014, 13:13:05
Have I won this already?

(http://25.media.tumblr.com/0d0e12907e71a489e9e1d19de796e5eb/tumblr_mh4tcwkG791rj7865o1_250.gif)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: naasfu on Tue, 25 March 2014, 13:42:05
Quote from: jalaj on Tue, 25 March 2014, 12:03:34
dude, GH's webserver's time is off.

Yeah, it seems to be about 30 secs faster?  When Nubb held his sale the other day, I noticed that the GH site time was about that much earlier than the countdown timer page.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Sifo on Tue, 25 March 2014, 16:19:58
Damnit T_T
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: isaske on Tue, 25 March 2014, 16:25:45
Quote from: Sifo on Tue, 25 March 2014, 16:19:58
Damnit T_T

I actually eagerly anticipated your submission.
How come you didn't make it? :/
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Sifo on Tue, 25 March 2014, 16:28:38
Had home work :(

It was filled with so many references too. I might finish it and post it anyway later.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: danielucf on Tue, 25 March 2014, 18:13:34
Some good writing, regretting that I didn't' get my story done :(

Someone more deserving will win anyways, congrats everyone, and thanks for the great reading.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Motan22 on Wed, 26 March 2014, 02:58:14
Best of luck to everyone who entered. I really enjoyed reading these.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: atlas3686 on Wed, 26 March 2014, 10:22:47
Unfortunately work got in the way of this but good luck everyone, really enjoyed going through them.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:20:31
I suppose I should pick some winners. But damn, so hard to choose. A lot of really good entries.


 :-\
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: naasfu on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:22:02
Quote from: Bro Caps on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:20:31
I suppose I should pick some winners. But damn, so hard to choose. A lot of really good entries.

 :-\

Zombros for everyone?  Drop the plague on us all.  No survivors!   :p
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: nubbinator on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:54:47
Quote from: naasfu on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:22:02
Quote from: Bro Caps on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:20:31
I suppose I should pick some winners. But damn, so hard to choose. A lot of really good entries.

 :-\

Zombros for everyone?  Drop the plague on us all.  No survivors!   :p

You're saying prizes or dibs for all entrants?
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Vibex on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:57:51
Quote from: nubbinator on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:54:47
Quote from: naasfu on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:22:02
Quote from: Bro Caps on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:20:31
I suppose I should pick some winners. But damn, so hard to choose. A lot of really good entries.

 :-\

Zombros for everyone?  Drop the plague on us all.  No survivors!   :p
Why not prizes for the best story AND dibs!  ;)

You're saying prizes or dibs for all entrants?
Why not prizes for the best AND dibs for all entrants! ;)

EDIT:I posted this before, but I think geek hack lagged out or something and deleted the message.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: noisyturtle on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:59:58
Quote from: Vibex on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:57:51
Quote from: nubbinator on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:54:47
Quote from: naasfu on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:22:02
Quote from: Bro Caps on Wed, 26 March 2014, 17:20:31
I suppose I should pick some winners. But damn, so hard to choose. A lot of really good entries.

 :-\

Zombros for everyone?  Drop the plague on us all.  No survivors!   :p
Why not prizes for the best story AND dibs!  ;)

You're saying prizes or dibs for all entrants?

Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Belfong on Wed, 26 March 2014, 18:12:32
He he he... Dibs for all entrants. I like the idea, Vibex!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Vibex on Wed, 26 March 2014, 18:16:21
Quote from: Belfong on Wed, 26 March 2014, 18:12:32
He he he... Dibs for all entrants. I like the idea, Vibex!
I certainly wouldn't complain if that's what happened. :D
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Wed, 26 March 2014, 18:20:42
Sorry. 1 Winner and 1 runner-up :P
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Vibex on Wed, 26 March 2014, 18:24:35
Quote from: Bro Caps on Wed, 26 March 2014, 18:20:42
Sorry. 1 Winner and 1 runner-up :P
It was worth a try. :D
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Key-Fu on Thu, 27 March 2014, 01:23:49
Lots of great entries.  Good luck to everyone!  :D
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: Michael on Thu, 27 March 2014, 19:29:16
Quote from: infiniti on Tue, 25 March 2014, 03:33:10
Unless the zombie apocalypse starts in Asia, I think it would take some time for it to reach Philippine shores much like Cable TV, the Internet, and mechanical keyboards. :))

Short-term: junkfood and the shih-tzu! :))
Show Image
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/junkfood%20and%20dog.JPG)


But seriously, the short-term plan is to survive in the suburbs long enough for the initial evacuation waves to subside.

Long-term is to bug-out to the provinces.

Shelter, Food, and Water.  The farm at [REDACTED] has a supply of clean drinking water from a natural spring, a nearby river, fruit trees, arable land, and some livestock (mostly chickens).

Firearms and Ammunition.  My pistol and rifle marksmanship is OK.  I won't say good since I never validated it through competing.  On the subject of ammunition, a new STUPID law here limits ammunition to a maximum of fifty (50) rounds for each registered firearm (http://www.gov.ph/2013/05/29/republic-act-no-10591/).  Stupid, stupid law.  I still need to see how this plays out.

Melee Weapons and Hand-to-Hand Combat.  If a zombie isn't within range of my melee weapons, I'd run away instead of confronting it just to avoid the unnecessary risk.

Friends and Family.  Blood is thicker than water so I can't say no if they want to tag along.  Friends...well, the ones I know will contribute to the long-term goal of survival are welcome.




HAHAHHHHA omg... your dog.... with it's tongue hanging out.... omg..... cant... stop.... laughing.....
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: eth0s on Thu, 27 March 2014, 20:17:56
Quote from: Key-Fu on Thu, 27 March 2014, 01:23:49
Lots of great entries.  Good luck to everyone!  :D

I'm jealous of your superior illustration skills.   All I have is crappy words.  WORDS!  I don't even know that many.  I have to look most of them up.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: infiniti on Thu, 27 March 2014, 22:26:03
Quote from: Bro Caps on Thu, 27 March 2014, 19:29:16
Quote from: infiniti on Tue, 25 March 2014, 03:33:10
Unless the zombie apocalypse starts in Asia, I think it would take some time for it to reach Philippine shores much like Cable TV, the Internet, and mechanical keyboards. :))

Short-term: junkfood and the shih-tzu! :))
Show Image
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/junkfood%20and%20dog.JPG)


But seriously, the short-term plan is to survive in the suburbs long enough for the initial evacuation waves to subside.

Long-term is to bug-out to the provinces.

Shelter, Food, and Water.  The farm at [REDACTED] has a supply of clean drinking water from a natural spring, a nearby river, fruit trees, arable land, and some livestock (mostly chickens).

Firearms and Ammunition.  My pistol and rifle marksmanship is OK.  I won't say good since I never validated it through competing.  On the subject of ammunition, a new STUPID law here limits ammunition to a maximum of fifty (50) rounds for each registered firearm (http://www.gov.ph/2013/05/29/republic-act-no-10591/).  Stupid, stupid law.  I still need to see how this plays out.

Melee Weapons and Hand-to-Hand Combat.  If a zombie isn't within range of my melee weapons, I'd run away instead of confronting it just to avoid the unnecessary risk.

Friends and Family.  Blood is thicker than water so I can't say no if they want to tag along.  Friends...well, the ones I know will contribute to the long-term goal of survival are welcome.




HAHAHHHHA omg... your dog.... with it's tongue hanging out.... omg..... cant... stop.... laughing.....

She's a tactical attack shih-tzu...she slobers strangers with luv :-*  The vet said her tongue is too long so it always sticks out.

Normal:
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/Truf_03.JPG)

Excited:
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/Truf_02.JPG)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST)
Post by: naasfu on Thu, 27 March 2014, 22:29:06
Quote from: infiniti on Thu, 27 March 2014, 22:26:03
Quote from: Bro Caps on Thu, 27 March 2014, 19:29:16
Quote from: infiniti on Tue, 25 March 2014, 03:33:10
Unless the zombie apocalypse starts in Asia, I think it would take some time for it to reach Philippine shores much like Cable TV, the Internet, and mechanical keyboards. :))

Short-term: junkfood and the shih-tzu! :))
Show Image
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/junkfood%20and%20dog.JPG)


But seriously, the short-term plan is to survive in the suburbs long enough for the initial evacuation waves to subside.

Long-term is to bug-out to the provinces.

Shelter, Food, and Water.  The farm at [REDACTED] has a supply of clean drinking water from a natural spring, a nearby river, fruit trees, arable land, and some livestock (mostly chickens).

Firearms and Ammunition.  My pistol and rifle marksmanship is OK.  I won't say good since I never validated it through competing.  On the subject of ammunition, a new STUPID law here limits ammunition to a maximum of fifty (50) rounds for each registered firearm (http://www.gov.ph/2013/05/29/republic-act-no-10591/).  Stupid, stupid law.  I still need to see how this plays out.

Melee Weapons and Hand-to-Hand Combat.  If a zombie isn't within range of my melee weapons, I'd run away instead of confronting it just to avoid the unnecessary risk.

Friends and Family.  Blood is thicker than water so I can't say no if they want to tag along.  Friends...well, the ones I know will contribute to the long-term goal of survival are welcome.




HAHAHHHHA omg... your dog.... with it's tongue hanging out.... omg..... cant... stop.... laughing.....

She's a tactical attack shih-tzu...she slobers strangers with luv :-*  The vet said her tongue is too long so it always sticks out.

Normal:
Show Image
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/Truf_03.JPG)


Excited:
Show Image
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/Truf_02.JPG)


The hundred different expressions of tactical attack shih-tzu.  So cute. :)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST - WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Michael on Thu, 27 March 2014, 22:31:40
Winners announced in the OP
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST - WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: rowdy on Thu, 27 March 2014, 22:38:40
Grats to Key-Fu and riotonthebay!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST - WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Belfong on Thu, 27 March 2014, 22:56:41
Gratz Key-Fu.. your comic was brilliant. I knew you would win  :thumb:

And riot - congrats too!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST - WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Key-Fu on Fri, 28 March 2014, 00:07:02
YES!!!  Thank you so much!  This is AWESOME beyond words!

I was having a pretty tough day.  I reckoned, once I got home I'd crawl into bed and pass out.  I got a call from my kids while en route.  They were super excited.  They wanted to know how far I was from the house.  They decided they couldn't wait that long to tell me the great news...I'd WON!

My babies are ALMOST as happy as I am!  They've been checking in on the contest page since I first posted.  We're all tremendously excited here at the Key-Fu family homestead.  I doubt we'll be going to bed anytime soon.  :)

Thank you so much Bro Caps.  Both for the awesome contest and the incredible caps.  It was a blast.  It's people like you that make this community so much fun to be a part of.

I also enjoyed reading all the other entries.  You guys rock!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST - WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: jdcarpe on Fri, 28 March 2014, 00:16:37
Congrats Key-Fu and riotonthebay! Great stories to read.

I also enjoyed reading everyone's entries. It was really a fun contest to take part in.

And thank you to Key-Fu for drawing my zombified avatar into his scene there. I liked it so much, I cropped it and am using it as my current avatar! And I'm not one to change avatars.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: infiniti on Fri, 28 March 2014, 02:54:56
Congratulations to the winners! :thumb:

Bonus -- Shih-tzu bad hair day:
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/20523800/GH%20Pictures/MISC/Truf_01.JPG)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: atlas3686 on Fri, 28 March 2014, 03:00:07
Congratz guys, that comic is epic!  :thumb:
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Tym on Fri, 28 March 2014, 03:22:01
Congrats!  ;D
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: riotonthebay on Fri, 28 March 2014, 04:58:59
Wow! I'm super excited. Thanks so much!

Quote from: Key-Fu on Fri, 28 March 2014, 00:07:02
YES!!!  Thank you so much!  This is AWESOME beyond words!

I was having a pretty tough day.  I reckoned, once I got home I'd crawl into bed and pass out.  I got a call from my kids while en route.  They were super excited.  They wanted to know how far I was from the house.  They decided they couldn't wait that long to tell me the great news...I'd WON!

My babies are ALMOST as happy as I am!  They've been checking in on the contest page since I first posted.  We're all tremendously excited here at the Key-Fu family homestead.  I doubt we'll be going to bed anytime soon.  :)

Thank you so much Bro Caps.  Both for the awesome contest and the incredible caps.  It was a blast.  It's people like you that make this community so much fun to be a part of.

I also enjoyed reading all the other entries.  You guys rock!

As happy as I am to be the runner-up, the above makes me even happier :). Congrats Key-Fu! You deserved it, sir.

Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Glissant on Fri, 28 March 2014, 09:09:46
Congratulations to the winners :) Better luck next time to the others that entered. I was highly entertained reading all your submissions.
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: CPTBadAss on Fri, 28 March 2014, 09:11:21
Congrats to the winners! That comic was great Key-Fu and I really enjoyed your story riotonthebay. Was just happy to have completed my entry since I was slacking hard :).
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: lcs on Fri, 28 March 2014, 10:41:01
Congratulations :)

(http://i.imgur.com/CB0juAI.jpg)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: LONGZILLA on Fri, 28 March 2014, 11:15:35
Quote from: lcs on Fri, 28 March 2014, 10:41:01
Congratulations :)

Show Image
(http://i.imgur.com/CB0juAI.jpg)


Yeah, I can't wait for the "usernames that start with 'L' giveaway"
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: lcs on Fri, 28 March 2014, 11:26:56
didn't you get the nubbinator ho longzilla? XD
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: exitfire401 on Fri, 28 March 2014, 13:11:58
Grats guys...now I'm sad =(
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: skrotnisse on Fri, 28 March 2014, 14:09:34
Gratz!

Winning brobots is hard work!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: riotonthebay on Wed, 02 April 2014, 08:37:24
(http://i.imgur.com/z1WMm7x.jpg)
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Belfong on Wed, 02 April 2014, 09:04:03
Describe please!! How does it feel? How does it fit the keyboard. How's the details?
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: riotonthebay on Wed, 02 April 2014, 09:27:57
Quote from: Belfong on Wed, 02 April 2014, 09:04:03
Describe please!! How does it feel? How does it fit the keyboard. How's the details?

It's a huge amount of fun :). I've not had a lot of time with it yet – only managed to snap a quick picture this morning – so I'll report back at a later time in terms of feel on a keyboard. I'm sure it'll be great, though!
Title: Re: HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? (CONTEST OVER- WINNERS ANNOUNCED!)
Post by: Belfong on Wed, 02 April 2014, 09:41:38
Looks like Play Doh from your picture.. and edible too.. hmm...................