geekhack
geekhack Community => Off Topic => Topic started by: SploogeFactory on Wed, 28 October 2015, 23:20:25
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So I'm pretty new here, don't really know many if any of you but I'm out here sitting next to the Ocean, don't really wanna go through all the BS of dealing with people on Facebook sending messages, just please if you have someone that you love, let them know.
I spent a long time disregarding my Father for things that happened growing up as a family witnessing him yelling at my Mother, caused a strange disaffection for both me and my Brother to our parents, but I did love him.
I know he knew it, but lately he'd been asking my Brother if I cared about him, I guess I didn't show it like I could have.
It's too late now, but I won't do this to my Mother.
Bit of a vent, but just show it, you owe it to yourself.
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This (http://northpoint.org/messages/bad-blood/the-empathy-lens/)may be of interest for you.
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I'll check it out man!
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So sorry for your loss.
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Thanks JD, it's pretty strange. I'm only 22, really unexpected. It's a learning experience though that I'm sure I'll be grateful for.
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Echoing jd, I'm very sorry for your loss. If you need someone to chat with, my PM box is always open. Stay strong, bud. We're here for ya.
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I lost my dad on my 14th birthday. You aren't alone, thing get better.
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Echoing jd, I'm very sorry for your loss. If you need someone to chat with, my PM box is always open. Stay strong, bud. We're here for ya.
I lost my dad on my 14th birthday. You aren't alone, thing get better.
Thanks guys, at 14, wow, you must have come to terms with it to some degree I hope.
This was mainly to vent, I do appreciate your condolences though. Weird times ahead.
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Sadly, I have no compassion for my father. He lives in New York now and I live in Louisiana, but he was never around in my life and he was a womanizer that went around having kids with every woman he fancied, cheating on others, and never really raising or being there for all but one of his children. He's the kind that expects us all to pander to him simply because he's our father. I frankly don't care. I've broken ties with him a long time ago and haven't spoken to him for years. I don't know if he's alive or not. My only regret is that my only living grandparent is his mother. I didn't know her well, but she was a sweet woman. She didn't speak any English though, and I can't speak Spanish, so it was always a little difficult to communicate, but she was really kind. No idea if she's still alive. I wish the best for her.
I'm sorry for the loss of your father though. Everyone's life is different and though I've lost compassion for my own father, I'm glad that you didn't have that bond entirely severed like I have. I hope that everything goes okay for you and your family.
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I'm sorry for your loss, man.
I don't know how I'll handle one of my loved ones death, when that happens. I haven't really had to deal with the death of someone close to me yet, I don't know how I'd cope with the death of one of my parents.
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Thanks E3E, at least you know where you are at in terms of who he was and what you feel toward the situation.
I'm sorry for your loss, man.
I don't know how I'll handle one of my loved ones death, when that happens. I haven't really had to deal with the death of someone close to me yet, I don't know how I'd cope with the death of one of my parents.
Honestly, you will just deal with it as it comes. You can't predict how you will be.
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I lost my father almost 20 years ago. It was not "sudden" in the sense of instantaneous, but he was a strong healthy intelligent excellent man who worked every day and played golf every week or 2.
3 weeks after calling me to say "I have had some chest pains and am going in for tests" he was gone.
With all my family and friends that I have lost, I keep feeling regrets about things I did or said and shouldn't have, or didn't say or do that I should have.
My advice is to continually repair and nurture any relationships that are important to you, and don't let problems fester. If there is something worth keeping, then keep it. But if there is nothing there, just let it go.
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My condolences. Losing someone close to you is...well there really isn't anything like it. And despite what you think it's not too late. What I see in your post is someone who cares deeply about his father - even if you didn't "show" it. I know this may be cheesy as all hell, and I know people here aren't big fans of reddit; but there's a post I saved (by user GSnow) after losing a close friend to brain cancer. Maybe you've seen it before:
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
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Hi, SploogeFactory, I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have said, feel free to drop me a PM if you like.
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I lost my father almost 20 years ago. It was not "sudden" in the sense of instantaneous, but he was a strong healthy intelligent excellent man who worked every day and played golf every week or 2.
3 weeks after calling me to say "I have had some chest pains and am going in for tests" he was gone.
With all my family and friends that I have lost, I keep feeling regrets about things I did or said and shouldn't have, or didn't say or do that I should have.
My advice is to continually repair and nurture any relationships that are important to you, and don't let problems fester. If there is something worth keeping, then keep it. But if there is nothing there, just let it go.
This is great advice and moob, thanks for that post, it does make sense of grief, I'll just have to go through it.
Thanks heedpantsnow, I've had a lot of support and I'm grateful for it, my Brother and I are taking it as it comes ans will just deal with it in our own ways however that ends up being.
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Sorry to hear that. Going through a similar thing, but with my mother :/
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Sorry to hear that. Going through a similar thing, but with my mother :/
It's not easy, you will figure things out though.