Author Topic: Post Your Jokes!  (Read 10347 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline RiGS

  • Thread Starter
  • Posts: 1594
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #50 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 10:39:25 »
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans! You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest but, after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady, may I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up. "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing: you eat holding the fork in the wrong hand, you drive your 'automobiles' on the wrong side of the road and now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out the window."
Last edited by RiGS; Jan 2011

Offline RiGS

  • Thread Starter
  • Posts: 1594
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #51 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 10:40:35 »
I was sat on the bus when the bloke next to me said, "Can you smell something?"

I said, "No".

He said, "Give it a minute .. you will".
Last edited by RiGS; Jan 2011

Offline keyboardlover

  • Posts: 4022
  • Hey Paul Walker, Click It or Ticket!
    • http://www.keyboardlover.com
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #52 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 10:43:19 »
Loled at the first one. Second one...not so much.

Offline noodles256

  • Posts: 1980
  • le legendary
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #53 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 10:43:30 »
poor dog, so brutal
AF | Ducky YOTD |

Offline Voixdelion

  • Posts: 338
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #54 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 10:52:12 »
Quote from: RiGS;335442
This isn't funny at all. I find this scene to be rather disturbing.

I found it hilarious... But,  maybe that's because I'm a bacon purist.  "Vegan bacon", on the other hand, is DEFINITELY disturbing - what is that anyway?     If ever there was a pointless thing it is bacon that is not bacon.  As Travolta says in "Pulp Fiction": Bacon's GOOOD.

  Dammit.  Now I want bacon...



EDIT>> Oh.  Perhaps you were referring to the clip following that remark...  which is also more than "rather" disturbing.  But I do still want bacon...
« Last Edit: Fri, 22 April 2011, 11:14:48 by Voixdelion »
"The more you tolerate each other, the less enforcement will happen."-iMav

Offline keyboardlover

  • Posts: 4022
  • Hey Paul Walker, Click It or Ticket!
    • http://www.keyboardlover.com
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #55 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 12:24:19 »
Boardwalk Empire is a great show...although the scenes posted by RiGS were disturbing and the guy they represent is basically a religious zealot/nutcase. Here's an actual GOOD clip from the show:


This clip represents the great prejudice against blacks at the time...much like the prejudice RiGS currently holds against Jews, other religious folks and homosexuals. As you can see from the clip though, "what goes around, comes around." =)
« Last Edit: Sun, 25 November 2012, 07:20:53 by ashort »

Offline keyboardlover

  • Posts: 4022
  • Hey Paul Walker, Click It or Ticket!
    • http://www.keyboardlover.com
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #56 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 12:40:28 »
P.S. Parks and Rec is a GREAT show. Here's the full episode:

[video=hulu;1Wz3or7jzmXC2Yx4IPSYjg]http://www.hulu.com/watch/233347/parks-and-recreation-soulmates[/video]

Great line from this episode:

Quote from: Tom Haverford
"zerts" are what I call desserts.
"Entrees" are "Tray trays".
"Sandwiches" are "sandies", "sandoozles" or "Adam Sandlers".
Air conditioners are "cool blasterz" with a z. I don't know where that came from.

I call cakes "big ol' cookies".
I call noodles "long ass rice".
Fried chicken is "fry fry chicky chick".
Chicken parm is "chicky chicky parm parm."
Chicken cacciatore..."chicky catch".
I call eggs "pre-birds" or "future birds".
"Root beer" is "super water".
"Tortillas" are "bean blankies".
And I call "forks"..."food rakes"!
« Last Edit: Fri, 22 April 2011, 13:00:01 by keyboardlover »

Offline BucklingSpring

  • Posts: 1613
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #57 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 18:29:44 »
^^ -> Cute!
In memory of smallfry 1996-2013
Boards I own, click ->
More
Ducky x2 (9008G2 Pro PBT/MX Green and Mini MX Red), Matias x2 (QP and Mini QP Dampened ALPS), Topre RealForce x4 (87U 55g/Digilog case, 103U-UW & 104UG High-Profile x2), Filco Majestouch x2 (TKL MX Blue & V2 AI 104 MX Blue), IBM-M x2 (BS & RD), Unicomp-M x5 (BS black on black x2, BS Ivory x2, QT Ultra-Classic), Deck x4 (Legend MX Black & MX Clear, Hassium & Francium w/ MX Brown), DAS III (MX Blue), KBT Pure Pro 60% (MX Red), NMB-RT8256CW+ x2 (black space invader), XArmor U9BL-S (MX Brown) given for free to someone I hate, CM X2 (Trigger/MX Green + Storm TKL/NovaTouch), TVS GOLD (MX Blue) and a many many more (NMB, DELL, MS, ATT, KeyTronic, Etc...)

Offline ashort

  • Posts: 489
  • Hoosier Daddy
    • http://andrew.wingedwheel.net
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #58 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 19:57:06 »
Quote from: RiGS;335497
...and now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out the window."
My current favorite.
Andrew
{ KBC Poker - brown | Filco Majestouch - brown | Dell AT101W | Cherry G84-4100 }

Offline ashort

  • Posts: 489
  • Hoosier Daddy
    • http://andrew.wingedwheel.net
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #59 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 20:07:31 »
Husband and wife are discussing their future.  The wife asks, "If I die, would you re-marry?"

H: "I don't know about that honey, would you want me to?"
W: "I don't want you to live the rest of your life alone, I'd want you to meet someone and be happy"
H: "Then it's settled, I would, after a time, marry someone else".

W: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
H: "No honey, I would get a new bed rather than share this one with another"

W: "Would you let her use my golfs clubs?"
H: "Now you're just being silly"
W: "Why is that silly?"
H: "First of all, she's left-handed..."
Andrew
{ KBC Poker - brown | Filco Majestouch - brown | Dell AT101W | Cherry G84-4100 }

Offline iMav

  • geekhack creator/founder
  • Location: Valley City, ND
  • "Τα εργαλεία σας είναι σημαντικά."
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #60 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 20:22:18 »
After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a while, he started to get lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"

God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"

Adam said, "That sounds great! When can you send her to me?"

God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."

Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"

Offline noodles256

  • Posts: 1980
  • le legendary
Post Your Jokes!
« Reply #61 on: Fri, 22 April 2011, 21:05:29 »
Lol at iMavs, whatta classic.
AF | Ducky YOTD |