Well, if CC will hire me, I volunteer myself to go to S. Korea and investigate this counterfeit Clack ring. I will go undercover. Deep undercover. Hmm, but I need a dream team to back me up. I would also like to take demik for his tough street smarts, and kmiller8 for his general bad attitude and cynicism. He can be bad cop, and I will be good cop. And demik will be bad cop as well, i guess, or grumpy cop. So bad cop, grumpy cop, good cop. Now that I'm thinking about it, we need Sifo too, but he has to learn to speak Korean, quickly. I am a master of disguise, so I can blend in anywhere, like Hitman in that first game. Big white bald guy, and nobody will see me in my Chinese pajamas. I will get to the bottom of this. Oh and me and sifo can share a hotel room, to cut down on costs for CC. We just need money for travel expense and a small per diem for meals. And demik's bar tab too, probably.
Umm, sorry no. Absolutely under no circumstances will anyone be allowed to take home any fake Clacks. I omitted mentioning that kmiller8's most important job will be to destroy all confiscated counterfeit merchandise. (he has the technique, the experience, and the technology.) So absolutely no fake Clacks will be allowed to survive. No member of the team will be allowed to keep any fakes as souvenirs, mementos or keepsakes. That is the one absolute rule. Breaking this rule will result in termination, with extreme prejudice.
Well, I have so many volunteers, it will be a really great trip! We just need our funding to come through.
Until then, I have drawn up a mission briefing: most of you will be posing as a group of extremely rich, but rather stupid American keyboard enthusiasts looking to buy exotic and illegal keycaps. I will be posing as an international jet-setter, bon vivant and racanteur, who is also a super-spy and and assassin. (IRL, I look like Jason Statham, but a bit more handsome. Also, Jason is a bit older than me.) The main group will distract our prey, while I infiltrate their lair. I will be captured, of course, and most likely seduced by a beautiful woman, and then later tortured, but just before I am about to die, demik will burst in and rescue me. We will defeat the bad guys, confiscate the Clacks, and kmiller8 will destroy them in an environmentally friendly way. TJ will bring his pitchforks and torches, organize our main group into an angry mob, and set upon the counterfeiters and slap them silly. Teaching them, beyond doubt, that crime doesn't pay.
I'm furious. Why am I not part of this dream team?
Well, first of all the Infiltration Dream Team of Counterfeit Clack Avengers (IDTOCCA) was only a prototype. Second, due to financial constraints, it had to be limited to four members who had the following traits: brutish strength (demik), Korean language skills (Sifo), counterfeit Clack demolition skills (kmiller8). The only job left for you was Team Leader. Which was my job. And I wasn't going to give away my job. But now that budgetary constraints have been lifted, I need a young, sexy Asian co-captain of my team, and I was thinking of asking you, if you're not too busy.
Also, whenever I'm in Seoul, I always stay at the Zenuty mansion, it's quite fabulous. Filled with KMAC's, bags of fried shrimp puffs, and empty noodle cups, but still fabulous.