So, got an update for yall.
Finally got DFU loader to recognize the board again, idk what happened. Did a force flash with the default firmware, all's well.
Installed into the case, popped on all my caps and realized I ****ered up a bit. Left shift was crooked and I had the 1.25u modifiers on the left side one position to the right.

Thank god I already had a solder sucker, so I went ahead and fixed that.

Back to my desk, and and everything is working fine...
Plugged in a different USB cable, all of the LEDs lit up, and I expected
nothing to work...


Then all of a sudden (while taking that last picture), the LEDS turned off, board kept working. Turned LEDs on, and only top row lit up, then turned off. Nothing worked again.
Unplugged, re-plugged in, and no LEDs, but it's working again. Mostly. Four keys stopped working (Fn, RCtrl, Num0, NumDot).
Now I'm back to DFU loader no longer seeing the board...
This really feels like there is a sever issue with the LED controller