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geekhack Community => Off Topic => Topic started by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:09:17

Title: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:09:17
Rules: 

1.  Must be edible straight from the can BY HUMANS, without causing systemic distress..

2.  Around 12oz sizes (can of coke)

I submit..

Chinese 八寶粥, Mixed Congee

255 Calories per CAN 13oz

(http://d6.yihaodianimg.com/N01/M05/8E/35/CgQCrlH2JfWAEhzBAAE818cb9iw82900.jpg)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:11:28
Rules: 

1.  Must be edible straight from the can BY HUMANS, without causing systemic distress..

2.  Around 12oz sizes (can of coke)

I submit..

Chinese 八寶粥, Mixed Congee

255 Calories per CAN 13oz

Show Image
(http://d6.yihaodianimg.com/N01/M05/8E/35/CgQCrlH2JfWAEhzBAAE818cb9iw82900.jpg)


Bro, that's only 15 more calories than an actual Coke.

I submit manteca. I'll calculate the kcal in a bit, but I win.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:12:57
Rules: 

1.  Must be edible straight from the can BY HUMANS, without causing systemic distress..

2.  Around 12oz sizes (can of coke)

I submit..

Chinese 八寶粥, Mixed Congee

255 Calories per CAN 13oz

Show Image
(http://d6.yihaodianimg.com/N01/M05/8E/35/CgQCrlH2JfWAEhzBAAE818cb9iw82900.jpg)


Bro, that's only 15 more calories than an actual Coke.

I submit manteca. I'll calculate the kcal in a bit, but I win.


Coke is only 140 calories per 12 oz can..
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:13:47
http://www.amazon.com/Boost-calorie-complete-nutritional-drink/dp/B0089OJ34S

maybe not a can... but you get the point
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:14:32
Rules: 

1.  Must be edible straight from the can BY HUMANS, without causing systemic distress..

2.  Around 12oz sizes (can of coke)

I submit..

Chinese 八寶粥, Mixed Congee

255 Calories per CAN 13oz

Show Image
(http://d6.yihaodianimg.com/N01/M05/8E/35/CgQCrlH2JfWAEhzBAAE818cb9iw82900.jpg)


Bro, that's only 15 more calories than an actual Coke.

I submit manteca. I'll calculate the kcal in a bit, but I win.


Coke is only 140 calories per 12 oz can..

Oops. I must have been thinking of the 20oz bottle. Haha
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:15:54
http://www.amazon.com/Boost-calorie-complete-nutritional-drink/dp/B0089OJ34S

maybe not a can... but you get the point


That stuff is pretty powerful.. though it's not in a can.. i guess we'll count it..


The number to beat is 800 Calories Per 12oz... 

HOly crapp.. that's a half a day in 12 oz..
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:19:39
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: Moralless on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:19:53
Boom. (http://www.walmart.com/ip/Lord-Nut-Levington-El-Cheddarales-Peanuts-8-oz-Pack-of-6/17198041)

Can of peanuts - 8 oz. 161 calories/oz for peanuts alone = 1288 calories + all the other ingredients listed 
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:20:23
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal

Rule 1 carpe.. has to be edible from the can, without killing you....
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: hwood34 on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:20:27
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal
yeah lard will literally be the highest calorie thing on this list
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: hwood34 on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:21:29
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal

Rule 1 carpe.. has to be edible from the can, without killing you....
it is. have you been to southern USA? They fry that **** right up
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:21:37
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal

Rule 1 carpe.. has to be edible from the can, without killing you....

If you can't eat straight lard, you need a stronger stomach. :))
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:21:51
There is no way you are eating strait lard  :))

EDIT: ^
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:23:22
Boom. (http://www.walmart.com/ip/Lord-Nut-Levington-El-Cheddarales-Peanuts-8-oz-Pack-of-6/17198041)

Can of peanuts - 8 oz. 161 calories/oz for peanuts alone = 1288 calories + all the other ingredients listed 

This Peanut can translates to ~1900 Calories per 12 oz..
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:24:30
There is no way you are eating strait lard  :))

EDIT: ^

We're talking survival food here. If you are starving, you will eat anything. And fat has 9 kcal per gram. Carbohydrate and protein both have 4 kcal per gram. When you need the most calorie dense food possible, you want the most fat content.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:24:40
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal

Rule 1 carpe.. has to be edible from the can, without killing you....
it is. have you been to southern USA? They fry that **** right up

come on man.. u can't straight up eat an entire 12oz can of Lard.........  that's not something anyone would do..
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:25:09
http://www.jif.com/products/creamy-peanut-butter BANG
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:26:06
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal

Rule 1 carpe.. has to be edible from the can, without killing you....
it is. have you been to southern USA? They fry that **** right up

come on man.. u can't straight up eat an entire 12oz can of Lard.........  that's not something anyone would do..

Challenge accepted!

But there must be some money involved lol
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: hwood34 on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:27:18
Realistically peanut butter would probably be the most calorie dense thing someone would actually eat
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:28:16
Manteca (lard) has 115 kcal per Tbsp. 24 Tbsp in a 12 fl oz can. Ergo... 2760 kcal

Rule 1 carpe.. has to be edible from the can, without killing you....
it is. have you been to southern USA? They fry that **** right up

come on man.. u can't straight up eat an entire 12oz can of Lard.........  that's not something anyone would do..

Challenge accepted!

But there must be some money involved lol

Carpe.. as a fellow member of GH, i would not risk your health for amusement.. (http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/onion-head/embarrassed3-onion-head-emoticon.gif?1292862502)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:28:23
Realistically peanut butter would probably be the most calorie dense thing someone would actually eat


Yeah Jiff has 4560 Calories per 12 oz
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: noisyturtle on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:30:04
this:
(https://i.imgur.com/w1uqeGD.gif)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:30:19
http://www.jif.com/products/creamy-peanut-butter BANG

This converts out to be 2018 calories  per 12 oz...



Here's the debate...   Should we count  lard  or peanut butter..


Has people eaten entire 12ozs of either  in 1 sitting?

Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:31:03
Realistically peanut butter would probably be the most calorie dense thing someone would actually eat


Yeah Jiff has 4560 Calories per 12 oz

unpossible.. it's Half that at the most
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:31:37
http://www.jif.com/products/creamy-peanut-butter BANG

This converts out to be 2018 calories  per 12 oz...



Here's the debate...   Should we count  lard  or peanut butter..


Has people eaten entire 12ozs of either  in 1 sitting?

I think that peanut butter is a lot more realistic to eat an entire jar of than lard. Just think about how much peanut butter you can put on a bagel or bread in comparison to the amoun of lard you can put on anything (if thats even a thing)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:31:49
Lard-infused peanut butter?
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: hwood34 on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:31:53
Realistically peanut butter would probably be the most calorie dense thing someone would actually eat


Yeah Jiff has 4560 Calories per 12 oz

unpossible.. it's Half that at the most
yeah it was like 1900, bad math
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:32:17
Realistically peanut butter would probably be the most calorie dense thing someone would actually eat


Yeah Jiff has 4560 Calories per 12 oz

unpossible.. it's Half that at the most

Yeah forgot the serving size was 2 Tablespoons
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:33:56
http://www.jif.com/products/creamy-peanut-butter BANG

This converts out to be 2018 calories  per 12 oz...



Here's the debate...   Should we count  lard  or peanut butter..


Has people eaten entire 12ozs of either  in 1 sitting?

I think that peanut butter is a lot more realistic to eat an entire jar of than lard. Just think about how much peanut butter you can put on a bagel or bread in comparison to the amoun of lard you can put on anything (if thats even a thing)

Well.. we do have clarified butter,  which is Ghee (indian)..  @ 3000 Calories per 12oz..

I'm sitting here trying to imagine a whole can of peanut butter on a bagel.. 

I feel like it's certainly possible..


Lard or Ghee.. not as much..
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: noisyturtle on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:34:33
Also while not super high in fat, this is basically a heart-attack in a can:
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4uxTnWci-J8/UEwUeNgKxPI/AAAAAAAAXTg/G-toLSbvlwo/s1600/Canned%2Bfood-5.jpg)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:35:58
Also while not super high in fat, this is basically a heart-attack in a can:
Show Image
(https://i.imgur.com/JR65seh.jpg)


I dont think anyone could withstand the emotional trauma caused by eating an entire can of something called "pork brains"
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:37:14
Realistically peanut butter would probably be the most calorie dense thing someone would actually eat


Yeah Jiff has 4560 Calories per 12 oz

unpossible.. it's Half that at the most

Yeah forgot the serving size was 2 Tablespoons

32g of peanut butter is 2 tablespoons is 188calories..

12oz is 336g  , comes out to around 2000 calories..

I think you multiplied by 28oz
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: DrHubblePhD on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:39:08
Realistically peanut butter would probably be the most calorie dense thing someone would actually eat


Yeah Jiff has 4560 Calories per 12 oz

unpossible.. it's Half that at the most

Yeah forgot the serving size was 2 Tablespoons

32g of peanut butter is 2 tablespoons is 188calories..

12oz is 336g  , comes out to around 2000 calories..

I think you multiplied by 28oz

I literaly typed 12 oz to Tbsp into google and then multiplied that by the calorie per serving which was 2 tablespoons not 1
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:40:45
Also while not super high in fat, this is basically a heart-attack in a can:
Show Image
(https://i.imgur.com/JR65seh.jpg)


I dont think anyone could withstand the emotional trauma caused by eating an entire can of something called "pork brains"

I've had brain.. its a litttle bit like tofu..
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:44:07
Ok.. so far.. we have 

Peanut butter ~2000 calories per can

Refined Veg oil ~ 2500 calories per 12oz

Lard ~ 2700 calories per can

Ghee (Clarified butter) ~3000 calories per can..


Pork Brain ~ 2500 calories per can.. depending on how much water content is left in the brain.


So.. are we agreeing someone could actually eat 12oz of Ghee / lard / brain  in one go..?
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:50:42
Ok, so going by the butter eating world record 7 quarter pound sticks.. ~ 5670 calories..

I guess we'll have to count all of them..  since basically clarified butter or lard is the same as eating straight butter..

is there anything that's denser than straight-fat that's edible ?
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: noisyturtle on Mon, 19 January 2015, 21:55:08
If we are just talking most fattening foods, pretty sure palm oil is right up there:
(https://i.imgur.com/PPe5Il1.jpg)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jacobolus on Mon, 19 January 2015, 23:12:08
come on man.. u can't straight up eat an entire 12oz can of Lard.........  that's not something anyone would do..
You can totally consume more calories of lard, eating it straight from a can, than that can of congee has. 30g of lard is not at all hard to consume plain in one sitting, if you try. (Most people could surely eat 1/3 of a stick of butter or the equivalent amount of some other grease without issue.)

An entire 12 oz can would be tougher.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jacobolus on Mon, 19 January 2015, 23:15:04
I've had brain.. its a litttle bit like tofu..
I dunno about those canned pork brains in gravy, I’ve never had those specifically. In general though, brain is not remotely like tofu, in either taste or texture.

(Sesos tacos are great, but only 1–2. Too much more than that and it gets unpalatably rich. I can’t imagine eating a whole can of brain without puking.)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: GL1TCH3D on Mon, 19 January 2015, 23:36:35
Foie Gras would clock in at 1584kcal according to the calorie content on wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foie_gras

Not the highest judging by what others are posting.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: munch on Mon, 19 January 2015, 23:56:36

this thread made me think of this. beat that, you fools!
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: noisyturtle on Tue, 20 January 2015, 00:27:23
come on man.. u can't straight up eat an entire 12oz can of Lard.........  that's not something anyone would do..
You can totally consume more calories of lard, eating it straight from a can, than that can of congee has. 30g of lard is not at all hard to consume plain in one sitting, if you try. (Most people could surely eat 1/3 of a stick of butter or the equivalent amount of some other grease without issue.)

An entire 12 oz can would be tougher.



this thread made me think of this. beat that, you fools!

oh ****, beat me to it!
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Tue, 20 January 2015, 00:59:51
I've had brain.. its a litttle bit like tofu..
I dunno about those canned pork brains in gravy, I�ve never had those specifically. In general though, brain is not remotely like tofu, in either taste or texture.

(Sesos tacos are great, but only 1�2. Too much more than that and it gets unpalatably rich. I can�t imagine eating a whole can of brain without puking.)

Why do I get the feeling you've only had 1 kind of tofu. Hahhahaha
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: smknjoe on Tue, 20 January 2015, 01:15:06
Mmm, pig's brains and scrambled eggs for breakfast and a cow tongue sandwich for lunch and livers and onions for supper.. "Southern Living"
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Tue, 20 January 2015, 01:26:44
Mmm, pig's brains and scrambled eggs for breakfast and a cow tongue sandwich for lunch and livers and onions for supper.. "Southern Living"

This causes heart disease, its just gotta
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jacobolus on Tue, 20 January 2015, 01:27:36
Why do I get the feeling you've only had 1 kind of tofu. Hahhahaha
Which type of tofu do you think is similar to pork brain? Be specific.

Mmm, pig's brains and scrambled eggs for breakfast and a cow tongue sandwich for lunch and livers and onions for supper.. "Southern Living"
This causes heart disease, its just gotta
What causes heart disease is Coca Cola and too much rice and bread without enough exercise to compensate. Brains, eggs, liver, and meat are just part of a normal healthy diet. (Could use some veggies though.)
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Tue, 20 January 2015, 01:36:54
Why do I get the feeling you've only had 1 kind of tofu. Hahhahaha
Which type of tofu do you think is similar to pork brain? Be specific.

Mmm, pig's brains and scrambled eggs for breakfast and a cow tongue sandwich for lunch and livers and onions for supper.. "Southern Living"
This causes heart disease, its just gotta
What causes heart disease is Coca Cola and too much rice and bread without enough exercise to compensate. Brains, eggs, liver, and meat are just part of a normal healthy diet. (Could use some veggies though.)

Damn you jac ! U dare downrate mah wice.. Hahahahhaha

Egg tofu, they make a custardy kind just like brain.

I would say if you cook regular silken tofu with a bit of oil, its also a bit like brain
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Tue, 20 January 2015, 01:41:00
There is also the softer but not rigid bean curd tofu which resembles brain as well.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jacobolus on Tue, 20 January 2015, 02:21:36
Brain is much much fattier than those though. Maybe if you mixed the tofu 50/50 with jdcarpe's can of manteca before making your custard you could get a bit closer.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: Findecanor on Tue, 20 January 2015, 03:23:31
I was about to suggest Sweetened Condensed Milk, but it has "only" 1464 calories per 12 fluid oz ...
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Tue, 20 January 2015, 04:11:46
Brain is much much fattier than those though. Maybe if you mixed the tofu 50/50 with jdcarpe's can of manteca before making your custard you could get a bit closer.

mm... if you smudge the tofu, then it loses the custurd like property, and will just be watery.. and it may not mix with lard unless at cold temperatures because of all the water..

and cold tofu + lard.. idk... my trained sensibilities say this will end badly..  but My Tp4-ness says, fvk it, let's do this...
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: ConscienceDrop on Tue, 20 January 2015, 04:27:54
you cant eat a whole thing of lard/butter/ultra high fat content in one go.

people who do high fat eating challenges get diarrhea within an hour, and you basically sit on the toilet and oil drips out of your ass until you learn your lesson and your body is done flushing calories it literally cant deal with

IMO that disqualifies it. but some might disagree. IMO it should be something you can actually eat and keep down/inside you while it runs its natural course
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: noisyturtle on Tue, 20 January 2015, 04:42:44
I wonder if the calories in human waste varies depending on what they ate, or does the body absorb most of that leaving all poop pretty much the same?
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: ConscienceDrop on Tue, 20 January 2015, 04:48:24
really depends. your body is going to try and extract as much as it possibly can from what you eat before you poop, so what you flush will vary on how anabolic you are, how much you ate at the same time and probably everyone is different.

if you are eating very little you will probably absorb most of the nutrients. but if you drink a whole bottle of olive oil it will be so much that your body cant even process it all and you will end up ****ting out essentially intact olive oil presumably with all its calories intact. 
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: Bromono on Tue, 20 January 2015, 05:18:57
Does a MRE count? Crap has about 2500 calories in that pouch.

If I never have to eat another MRE, it will be to soon.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: engicoder on Tue, 20 January 2015, 05:26:21
Mmm, pig's brains and scrambled eggs for breakfast and a cow tongue sandwich for lunch and livers and onions for supper.. "Southern Living"

Where are your collards?
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: smknjoe on Tue, 20 January 2015, 06:01:51
Greens (I prefer turnip or mustard), cornbread (WITHOUT SUGAR YANKEES!), and grits go without saying.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: jdcarpe on Tue, 20 January 2015, 06:52:33
really depends. your body is going to try and extract as much as it possibly can from what you eat before you poop, so what you flush will vary on how anabolic you are, how much you ate at the same time and probably everyone is different.

if you are eating very little you will probably absorb most of the nutrients. but if you drink a whole bottle of olive oil it will be so much that your body cant even process it all and you will end up ****ting out essentially intact olive oil presumably with all its calories intact. 

Then you could at least burn your poop to keep warm. That's a smelly fire, though. :(


It's probably better to consume the lard a little at a time. Eat a big spoonful of it, let that settle, then eat another spoonful some time later when you need more calories.
Title: Re: Most calories Per CAN Competition
Post by: tp4tissue on Tue, 20 January 2015, 06:53:53
really depends. your body is going to try and extract as much as it possibly can from what you eat before you poop, so what you flush will vary on how anabolic you are, how much you ate at the same time and probably everyone is different.

if you are eating very little you will probably absorb most of the nutrients. but if you drink a whole bottle of olive oil it will be so much that your body cant even process it all and you will end up ****ting out essentially intact olive oil presumably with all its calories intact. 

Then you could at least burn your poop to keep warm. That's a smelly fire, though. :(


It's probably better to consume the lard a little at a time. Eat a big spoonful of it, let that settle, then eat another spoonful some time later when you need more calories.

Thx captn obvious.. (http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/onion-head/embarrassed2-onion-head-emoticon.gif?1292862502)