Dammit. you were right.
Seller accepted my offer and rather than back out I just paid... got two boards, one kinda shiny, one actually really, really nice... but the bottom row is as you say useless without modding.
So now I'm swimming in black doubleshots that I can't actually use on anything without a moogle kit or some modding. And I probably will end up buying the old school ones, 'cause they're cool.