Forgot to mention that 4grabs feeling immediately after you click the send button. That's the turning point. When it's completely out of your control. When the butterflies revert back to their cocoon stage only to hatch again the moment the first "I got in" posts begin to trickle in. And as they do you start to feel as if you're sinking further into the ground with each one. And when it's all over and you know you've been defeated, someone or something drops down a ladder, and as you ascend rung by rung you begin to feel as if everything is going to be ok. But once you're out, you start to miss that hole you were in, because getting there reminded you that you're alive and well.