Dating advice

[RiGS]

Hey guys & gals!

I need an advice.

I'm about to date a lady. She is very important to me. I used to date with her five years ago, but that time my life was kinda complicated, and our relationship ended up with a huge cliffhanger.
Since then 5 years have passed, and I still couldn't forget that day. I think I'm still in love with her.

She is in a relationship with a dude for four years, but she is unhappy, so now I'm cool with dating her.

Today is her birthday. Btw she is 24.
I don't want to buy her, but I absolutely want to express my feelings for her in special way. I don't want to be cheesy.
Any ideas would be appreciated.
 

[metalliqaz]

Jewelry if you want to get in her pants.

[Lastpilot]

Are you much of a writer? You could try sending her a handwritten letter some other day besides her birthday. As for a present right now, it shouldn't be anything too flashy because it would be too soon.

[linziyi]

24 origami paper hearts

[sth]

dude if she's cheating on her current SO with you, what the **** do you think she's gonna do when she gets unhappy with YOU? tell her to make her mind up before you get too emotionally invested man.

[Jocelyn]

dude if she's cheating on her current SO with you, what the **** do you think she's gonna do when she gets unhappy with YOU? tell her to make her mind up before you get too emotionally invested man.

This^ 2+2=4

[Lastpilot]

Oh wait what? She is still taken right now? Oh no man, don't do that.

[The_Beast]

600 emails expressing your true feels

[SpAmRaY]

A couple roses and dinner and a movie.

[Tarzan]

Flowers never go out of style, especially if you can recall her favorite kind from five years ago.

Plus a spa gift certificate.  Or a sky-diving trip.  Gift an experience, not stuff.   Stuff gets lost, thrown away, discarded.  Experiences last a lifetime.

[thegunner100]

dude if she's cheating on her current SO with you, what the **** do you think she's gonna do when she gets unhappy with YOU? tell her to make her mind up before you get too emotionally invested man.

Not really experienced with this kind of stuff, but what sth said seems to make a lot of sense. GL RiGS!

[sth]

nobody is worth risking your emotional well-being over like that. it sucks but sometimes you just have to say NEXT and focus on better, newer things.

i do hope there is more to this and that you guys can be happy but don't let her dictate your own happiness.

[dante]

I think I missed the part where you said she would cheat on him?  Just because a couple may be facing hard times doesn't mean they will cheat.  Well ... maybe your generation does (oh no he didn't!)

[sth]

I think I missed the part where you said she would cheat on him?  Just because a couple may be facing hard times doesn't mean they will cheat.  Well ... maybe your generation does (oh no he didn't!)

they're already 'dating' -- danger zone.

[dante]

never mind. my reading comprehension has reached new lows.  fail fail fail.

[RiGS]

dude if she's cheating on her current SO with you, what the **** do you think she's gonna do when she gets unhappy with YOU? tell her to make her mind up before you get too emotionally invested man.

We haven't actually met since that day. But we talk daily via email and sometimes on phone for a couple of months.
Initially she refused to meet with me, because she was afraid, that she still had strong feelings for me, and didn't want to mess her relationship.
However I believe she arrived to a turning and finally she wants to meet me and explore what if...
I don't want to rush this thing.
As I said today is her birthday and I just can't leave it unnoticed.

[RiGS]

Are you much of a writer? You could try sending her a handwritten letter some other day besides her birthday. As for a present right now, it shouldn't be anything too flashy because it would be too soon.

That day I also gave her a handwritten letter. She kept it since that day and protects it in her special box. LOL she even showed it to his bf.

[sth]

dude if she's cheating on her current SO with you, what the **** do you think she's gonna do when she gets unhappy with YOU? tell her to make her mind up before you get too emotionally invested man.

We haven't actually met since that day. But we talk daily via email and sometimes on phone for a couple of months.
Initially she refused to meet with me, because she was afraid, that she still had strong feelings for me, and didn't want to mess her relationship.
However I believe she arrived to a turning and finally she wants to meet me and explore what if...
I don't want to rush this thing.
As I said today is her birthday and I just can't leave it unnoticed.

Tell her happy birthday and take her off your mental pedestal. it's not really appropriate or respectful for you to be giving her any kind of remotely romantic gift. You dont have to rush anything but dont let her flip flop on you or be indecisive.

[RiGS]

I don't want to do romantic gifts. I just want something appropriate for this kind of situation.

Life not always that black and white.

[noisyturtle]

What you need to do is send her 600 emails.

[RiGS]

Why 600? Sending a mail bomb doesn't make sense to me.

[The_Beast]

Why 600?

Because 599 isn't enough

[RiGS]

nobody is worth risking your emotional well-being over like that. it sucks but sometimes you just have to say NEXT and focus on better, newer things.

i do hope there is more to this and that you guys can be happy but don't let her dictate your own happiness.

Well, it's too late. We already tried that several times over the years, but that just hasn't worked out. She is not just a girl. I believe she is THE girl.
It seems we always find a way back to each other.

[metalliqaz]

[Lastpilot]

(Attachment Link)

LOL yes.

[sth]

nobody is worth risking your emotional well-being over like that. it sucks but sometimes you just have to say NEXT and focus on better, newer things.

i do hope there is more to this and that you guys can be happy but don't let her dictate your own happiness.

Well, it's too late. We already tried that several times over the years, but that just hasn't worked out. She is not just a girl. I believe she is THE girl.
It seems we always find a way back to each other.

there is no such thing, dude. i dont know the exact details of your situation but you sound like you're pining hard, and that's a waste of your valuable time.

[Sifo]

600 emails expressing your true feels

This is solid advice.

[Leslieann]

Send her a nice birthday wish, and let her control the tempo.

Just because it's her birthday changes nothing, and just because she is unhappy doesn't mean you should step in as the night in shining armor. Doing anything that jeopardizes her current relationship can seriously blow up in your face should they decide to stick it out even a little longer.

[RiGS]

(Attachment Link)

That's funny ****, but I did.
Now she in a messed up relationship and she keeps trying to escape from it, but it's kinda hard, since the dude lives with her family and she doesn't have the courage to handle the situation.
Somehow she always reaches out to me. It is really frustrating.

[funkymeeba]

I was actually kind of sad to see no tp4 post in this thread so far.

It sounds like bad business in my book, though. Either way, have yourself some fun!

[RiGS]

nobody is worth risking your emotional well-being over like that. it sucks but sometimes you just have to say NEXT and focus on better, newer things.

i do hope there is more to this and that you guys can be happy but don't let her dictate your own happiness.

Well, it's too late. We already tried that several times over the years, but that just hasn't worked out. She is not just a girl. I believe she is THE girl.
It seems we always find a way back to each other.

there is no such thing, dude. i dont know the exact details of your situation but you sound like you're pining hard, and that's a waste of your valuable time.

You are probably right, but trust me there is.
See I don't think of it like that. I enjoy my life without her as well, but it feels that we are somehow connected and I really want to explore this a bit more.

[Leslieann]

That's funny ****, but I did.
Now she in a messed up relationship and she keeps trying to escape from it, but it's kinda hard, since the dude lives with her family and she doesn't have the courage to handle the situation.
Somehow she always reaches out to me. It is really frustrating.

There is three reasons she is reaching out to you every time...

Either you are now in friend-zone, she still holds a torch for you, or you're her fallback.
If she breaks up and wants to try again, beware, if it doesn't work between you both, run, because you will never be the one she really wants. She will constantly go running back to you when her main interest falls apart and leaving you the first chance she gets, knowing you will still be there waiting for her every time.

[SmallFry]

I was actually kind of sad to see no tp4 post in this thread so far.

This. He must be under the weather.

[sth]

If she breaks up and wants to try again, beware, if it doesn't work between you both, run, because you will never be the one she really wants. She will constantly go running back to you when her main interest falls apart and leaving you the first chance she gets, knowing you will still be there waiting for her every time.

boom. even if you think she is 'the one'* it's not worth you getting wrecked over her inability to commit or be anything but selfish in that context. you have to take care of your OWN emotional wellbeing before you can take care of others, and if you base that on a relationship status and it backfires you're being unfair to everybody. sounds like she might be being unfair to you, herself and her current SO, but again I dont know or want to know the particulars.


also TJ's got it, see below


* NEO

[tjcaustin]

I'm surprised no one suggested you do something nice like cook her a nice spaghetti dinner.

You know how to make spaghetti, right?

You're her security blanket, not a love interest.  You're comfortable and nice to use to boost her emotions when they're low, don't take that to mean she cares about you when she doesn't want something from you.

/personal experience

[sth]

oops double

[RiGS]

I'm surprised no one suggested you do something nice like cook her a nice spaghetti dinner.

You know how to make spaghetti, right?

You're her security blanket, not a love interest.  You're comfortable and nice to use to boost her emotions when they're low, don't take that to mean she cares about you when she doesn't want something from you.

/personal experience

There's certainly some truth to that. It still kinda sucks.

[Leslieann]

I'm surprised no one suggested you do something nice like cook her a nice spaghetti dinner.

You know how to make spaghetti, right?

You're her security blanket, not a love interest.  You're comfortable and nice to use to boost her emotions when they're low, don't take that to mean she cares about you when she doesn't want something from you.

/personal experience

She is still in a relationship, so cooking a nice dinner could go severely wrong.

Also, she may or may not be his blanket, but it's very possible. It depends on who it goes next time they get in   relationship since it seems they only dated once(?), or if she has already stuck him in friend zone. If he is a blanket though, he needs to cut and run. If they have dated more than once, yeah, definite blanket.

[RiGS]

That's funny ****, but I did.
Now she in a messed up relationship and she keeps trying to escape from it, but it's kinda hard, since the dude lives with her family and she doesn't have the courage to handle the situation.
Somehow she always reaches out to me. It is really frustrating.

There is three reasons she is reaching out to you every time...

Either you are now in friend-zone, she still holds a torch for you, or you're her fallback.
If she breaks up and wants to try again, beware, if it doesn't work between you both, run, because you will never be the one she really wants. She will constantly go running back to you when her main interest falls apart and leaving you the first chance she gets, knowing you will still be there waiting for her every time.

I think each of it applies. But why me? And why did she keep my handwritten letter?

[tjcaustin]

I'm surprised no one suggested you do something nice like cook her a nice spaghetti dinner.

You know how to make spaghetti, right?

You're her security blanket, not a love interest.  You're comfortable and nice to use to boost her emotions when they're low, don't take that to mean she cares about you when she doesn't want something from you.

/personal experience

She is still in a relationship, so cooking a nice dinner could go severely wrong.

Also, she may or may not be his blanket, but it's very possible. It depends on who it goes next time they get in   relationship since it seems they only dated once(?), or if she has already stuck him in friend zone. If he is a blanket though, he needs to cut and run. If they have dated more than once, yeah, definite blanket.

That wasn't meant to be the serious part of my comment.

Considering she goes to him when "things are bad", yeah, security blanket.

[tjcaustin]

That's funny ****, but I did.
Now she in a messed up relationship and she keeps trying to escape from it, but it's kinda hard, since the dude lives with her family and she doesn't have the courage to handle the situation.
Somehow she always reaches out to me. It is really frustrating.

There is three reasons she is reaching out to you every time...

Either you are now in friend-zone, she still holds a torch for you, or you're her fallback.
If she breaks up and wants to try again, beware, if it doesn't work between you both, run, because you will never be the one she really wants. She will constantly go running back to you when her main interest falls apart and leaving you the first chance she gets, knowing you will still be there waiting for her every time.

I think each of it applies. But why me? And why did she keep my handwritten letter?

Just because your words (literally in this case) make her feel better, it doesn't equate to her having genuine feelings.

[RiGS]

She not only gets to me when she is bored. It is kinda random. He keeps digging into my stuff.

However one thing I am certain about is that she has genuine feelings for me. She even admitted it. And she is very careful with her words. When she says something she really means it.

[sth]

She not only gets to me when she is bored. It is kinda random. He keeps digging into my stuff.

However one thing I am certain about is that she has genuine feelings for me. She even admitted it. And she is very careful with her words. When she says something she really means it.

yeah unless she's lying and/or semi-unintentionally manipulating you. be careful :\

[RiGS]

I think a friendly meeting won't hurt anyone.
If she is for real, I will sense it from her body language.

[tjcaustin]

I think a friendly meeting won't hurt anyone.
If she is for real, I will sense it from her body language.

All I'm saying is I've thought literally this same exact thing and got burned so bad I needed a skin graft.

[RiGS]

I appreciate your concern, but it sounds like you are projecting.

[sth]

I appreciate your concern, but it sounds like you are projecting.

You deserve any heartbreak you incur after ****ING EVERYBODY who has responded has told you to move on.

[metalliqaz]

Don't be mean.

Look just lay it down.  Say it clearly.  You want her back and she should get rid of the loser.  If she says no, then you've saved yourself a helluva lot of time and effort.

[RiGS]

Thanks. I will take it as a word of warning.

[sth]

Don't be mean.

no u