What's Bothering You? (The thread about what is bothering you.)

[Gondolindrim]

I was so infatuated with my job (hostile workplace, crap manager, mentally abusive owner) that I just YOLO'ed it

Infatuation is positive, did you really love the work but the people were bad enough to quit anyway or is it the wrong word?

After quitting and taking a paycut in the name of happiness twice I'd rather go it alone but lack the imagination to see anything I could do without many thousands in the bank, which I don't have.

What I meant by infatuated is a short-term deep admiration. I was hired by a manager who I absolutely loved to work with; he eventually got a job offer elsewhere where people were treated like human beings for a change and I was left. I loved the job -- high-tech firm -- and I learned so much there. The owner passed and his son, who was trained in financial administration rather than engineering, thought it was a good idea to run the company in some sillicon-valley-esque way he thought was "competitive" and "modern". My final straw was when he separated the design team in two  and whoever came with the best selling product would stay; the other half would be fired. I told him to get lost (putting it mildly, in actuality I cursed him down to his fourth generation of descendants) and quit.

I would be a team manager by now, the company grew immensely but always at the expense of naive graduates like me. But then again, I don't loathe mondays anymore. To ease the pain I started drinking heavily -- I am pretty sure if I stayed I'd be deep down in that hole by now

[suicidal_orange]

I see - strange but totally understandable, it's sad that his crazy ideas paid off but that's the ****ty world we live in.

[Gondolindrim]

I see - strange but totally understandable, it's sad that his crazy ideas paid off but that's the ****ty world we live in.

It is what it is. I don't find it sad, I have a good life. I live in a deeply poor country yet I get to enjoy luxury like good food and keyboards most in the world don't. At the end of the day, hoarding money becomes senseless.

[yui]

last year, before i changed manager, well no we changed about 3 months before she started her abuses, i loved Mondays, it was a best day of the week, loved my job, and when she was on vacation or on maternity leave i had the chance to enjoy my job again, it is just her making the whole thing hell on earth... it is why i am trying not to quit, but HR did not answer anything today so let's try again tomorrow... also back then the whole service was in one office instead of 4 now (still at the same location, just separated) and everyone was friendly, now far less... well part of the unfriendliness towards me is my fault but the others toward each others is not. i just do not know what to do next, just looked at my hardware projects and found out that i can't complete them because no chips, i am rather burned out on programing and have very low network experience.

[tp4tissue]

Head to 'Murica,  start marijuana farm.

[Gondolindrim]

last year, before i changed manager, well no we changed about 3 months before she started her abuses, i loved Mondays, it was a best day of the week, loved my job, and when she was on vacation or on maternity leave i had the chance to enjoy my job again, it is just her making the whole thing hell on earth... it is why i am trying not to quit, but HR did not answer anything today so let's try again tomorrow... also back then the whole service was in one office instead of 4 now (still at the same location, just separated) and everyone was friendly, now far less... well part of the unfriendliness towards me is my fault but the others toward each others is not. i just do not know what to do next, just looked at my hardware projects and found out that i can't complete them because no chips, i am rather burned out on programing and have very low network experience.

Unfortunately decisions have consequences. I was always trained in research R&D and today my keyboard PCBs are what support me, but I had to basically re-learn engineering.  Took me tears and sweat, and I had to do it while a master's and doctor's studies were taking place.

I stand by my decision, it worked out for me. But it was not an easy decision and its consequences echoed for years, lost all my relationships and a six-year girlfriend I loved deeply because I am simply too busy all the time. Everything comes at a cost.

So I would try to remedy the situation first and foremost. My case, I believe, was the end-all-be-all case, I had done everything I could and I was put aside everytime for an year or so before throwing poopoo to the fan.

[noisyturtle]

Head to 'Murica,  start marijuana farm.

'Murica grows 'tegrity

[suicidal_orange]

Jealousy.

In 15 years of working I have never looked forward to a Monday morning, nor have I known how to make it so I would or I would have gone for it.  When you don't enjoy work it's harder to do stuff that's also not fun when you have free time but it's clear that is what needs to be done.  Still doesn't help with the knowing what to do though.

[yui]

there is bit of good news, HR responded and told me i could call tomorrow, so that's great, now just need to fight my fear of hurting my manager, that added to all the fears related to that other woman...
at least i have a good reason to "hurt" her as if i do not she will hurt some else than me when i leave so need to do something, either i hurt someone bad by my action or an innocent by my inaction. why is this world so ****ed up?

[fohat.digs]

either i hurt someone bad by my action or an innocent by my inaction

Without knowing the details it is hard to advise, but cascading waves of fault and blame are almost always counter-productive. Would it be possible to couch the bad behavior as "unthinking" or "careless" rather than deliberately cruel?

Is there a way to say something like "she may not have known how bad this sounded?" or "she may have intended this as a joke, but it was extremely hurtful to me?".

[yui]

either i hurt someone bad by my action or an innocent by my inaction

Without knowing the details it is hard to advise, but cascading waves of fault and blame are almost always counter-productive. Would it be possible to couch the bad behavior as "unthinking" or "careless" rather than deliberately cruel?

Is there a way to say something like "she may not have known how bad this sounded?" or "she may have intended this as a joke, but it was extremely hurtful to me?".

the things that makes me say that is that, it has been more than a year, every time i told her that what she was doing was hurting me it made her do it even more, and i am not the 1st one, in the 3 months between her taking the post and going after me she was going after an other coworker, and when he complained to her manager she stopped going after him, one day to the next she learnt what was bad to him and forgot to me.
and a few examples that would i feel never sound good would be to tell me that i should have killed myself, faking to cancel my vacation (while the company was closed) a week before they start (while if i ask less than 2 week early they are automatically refused), organizing a meeting just me and her to tell me that a friend dear to me is not giving them any news (for 1.5 hours) and may never come back, menacing my job and the job of others because i took my pause 5minutes bit late while the company policy is 15minutes. i tried for a long time to see incompetence instead of malice but things accumulate.
honestly i should have stopped thrusting her a lot earlier and there would have been a lot less pain all around, maybe as soon as she told me to kill myself, should have been a red flag...
still thanks

[noisyturtle]

RTX is drastically overrated and is really just a fancy filter that uses far too many resources for what you get in return.
Change my mind.

[Gondolindrim]

RTX is drastically overrated and is really just a fancy filter that uses far too many resources for what you get in return.
Change my mind.

Agreed. I have a GTX1060 and it still plays all modern games in high settings.

That being said, **** scalpers and flippers. For the record, yeah, I said the f-word.

[_rubik]

RTX is drastically overrated and is really just a fancy filter that uses far too many resources for what you get in return.
Change my mind.

You're not wrong, but the actual science behind it is remarkable. I remember watching one of the Star Wars RTX demos a few years back with a CG professor, and he all but lost his mind.

RTX might not feel like a bit step now, but I have a feeling it'll really come into its own once compute resources catch up.

[tp4tissue]

RTX is real lighting. It is amazing that we have the compute power to do it in real time at all.

For artists it's a whole new world of possibilities.

[yui]

well i have still not found the job of HR, dealing with harassment ain't it, told me they would send me the contact of the ethics service... so back to 0...

[Gondolindrim]

well i have still not found the job of HR, dealing with harassment ain't it, told me they would send me the contact of the ethics service... so back to 0...

Quick note. If you can, start recording conversations, keep a record of email / SMS / instant messages . In the eventuality of legal repercussions, these will come in handy if you can catch them being outright disrespectful.

I recorded every single conversation I had with my abusive boss and that played so well in my favor that when I cursed his guts he threatened legal action, but gave up once I showed him all the material I had on him. I also send that material to all my coworkers so they have some leverage on him now, which I was told they used to get better working conditions later.

[yui]

well i have still not found the job of HR, dealing with harassment ain't it, told me they would send me the contact of the ethics service... so back to 0...

Quick note. If you can, start recording conversations, keep a record of email / SMS / instant messages . In the eventuality of legal repercussions, these will come in handy if you can catch them being outright disrespectful.

I recorded every single conversation I had with my abusive boss and that played so well in my favor that when I cursed his guts he threatened legal action, but gave up once I showed him all the material I had on him. I also send that material to all my coworkers so they have some leverage on him now, which I was told they used to get better working conditions later.

a few peoples told me that, the only thing is that she is not stupid, only ever talk to me one on one and here it is illegal to record someone without their consent so i doubt she would act the same if she knew she was recorded all the time, the only thing is that i know of one previous victim so that could help me...

[suicidal_orange]

it is illegal to record someone without their consent

Is verbal abuse not illegal too?  I'd contact the police on a non-emergency number and ask their opinion on the matter.

[yui]

yeah both are illegal, but i feel like if i use illegally obtained proofs it will go nowhere, and back then i was way too stupid to even think about recording anything anyhow.

[Gondolindrim]

it is illegal to record someone without their consent

Is verbal abuse not illegal too?  I'd contact the police on a non-emergency number and ask their opinion on the matter.

Depends on country and if I remember correctly, in the US, also depends on the state. Here in Brazil the current supreme court jurisdiction is that defense is unlimited while offense is limited, as in, the defense can use illegally obtained proof and the accusation cannot. If you are accusing someone of harming you, then in some court cases illegal recordings have been accepted as evidence. That being said, I would still do it and keep those to myself. Emails, SMS, instant messaging are perfectly legal to keep.

I don't know about the police, but I would (like I did) talk to a lawyer about all of this and hear their opinion.

[Findecanor]

****. Gondolindrim is in this thread. I'm not spilling my beans here.

[noisyturtle]

no wonder my favorite hobby has been ruined

[tp4tissue]

no wonder my favorite hobby has been ruined

I TOLD YOU GUYS this was happening with those worthless Click Clacks.  Price being driven up by shill buying.

But you guys kept falling for it.

[noisyturtle]

no wonder my favorite hobby has been ruined

I TOLD YOU GUYS this was happening with those worthless Click Clacks.  Price being driven up by shill buying.

But you guys kept falling for it.

I mean to be fair CC's were mostly being sold and traded between the same people.
But try finding a CC these days, or even more, one in a color you are looking for. If I couldn't nab a turquoise CC 8 years ago, I sure as **** aint never gonna find one these days.

[tp4tissue]

I TOLD YOU GUYS this was happening with those worthless Click Clacks.  Price being driven up by shill buying.

But you guys kept falling for it.

I mean to be fair CC's were mostly being sold and traded between the same people.
But try finding a CC these days, or even more, one in a color you are looking for. If I couldn't nab a turquoise CC 8 years ago, I sure as **** aint never gonna find one these days.

The price hike was perpetrated by a small group of people, CC was in on the whole thing. It was 1 big con. Just like the game video you linked.

I noticed this immediately right as it became popular because there were several people who already had trouble selling their for profit clacks.  It took an extremely long time for them to offload and they didn't make nearly the same kind of profits like those Shill ebay sales.

[noisyturtle]

I TOLD YOU GUYS this was happening with those worthless Click Clacks.  Price being driven up by shill buying.

But you guys kept falling for it.

I mean to be fair CC's were mostly being sold and traded between the same people.
But try finding a CC these days, or even more, one in a color you are looking for. If I couldn't nab a turquoise CC 8 years ago, I sure as **** aint never gonna find one these days.

The price hike was perpetrated by a small group of people, CC was in on the whole thing. It was 1 big con. Just like the game video you linked.

I dunno about that theory. I wasn't in on anything and basically paid my rent for an entire year selling off my CCs, and they would sell in literal minutes after posting them.
Clacks were like the crypto of Geekhack for a time, except unfortunately you cannot mine more.

[tp4tissue]

I dunno about that theory. I wasn't in on anything and basically paid my rent for an entire year selling off my CCs, and they would sell in literal minutes after posting them.
Clacks were like the crypto of Geekhack for a time, except unfortunately you cannot mine more.

Your luck was to sell during hype.  and the collectors are smooth brained enough to hold.  You got real money, Collectors hodle some bits of plastic.

It'd be trivial for them to start another one of these bubbles.

[noisyturtle]

I dunno about that theory. I wasn't in on anything and basically paid my rent for an entire year selling off my CCs, and they would sell in literal minutes after posting them.
Clacks were like the crypto of Geekhack for a time, except unfortunately you cannot mine more.

Your luck was to sell during hype.  and the collectors are smooth brained enough to hold.  You got real money, Collectors hodle some bits of plastic.

It'd be trivial for them to start another one of these bubbles.

I think there is intrinsic artistic value attached to them, as with any artisan cap. Their value can only be quantified by the buyers desire to obtain the piece.

The same cannot be said for a factory mass-produced product like a sealed game.

[suicidal_orange]

It's been 10 days since I arrived home with covid while riding an emotional high like nothing I've experienced before and those 10 days have been spent in my bedroom doing nothing.  Throughout I have had a stronger drive to do something, anything, that I enjoy, so I have something to look forward to on a daily basis rather than hating the ~250 days a year I have to work.  I have not been able to identify a suitable activity, now work looms large and my high is fading with the symptoms.

[tp4tissue]

I think there is intrinsic artistic value attached to them, as with any artisan cap. Their value can only be quantified by the buyers desire to obtain the piece.

The same cannot be said for a factory mass-produced product like a sealed game.

There is very little artistry in a clack, it's trivial to mass produce, it's trivial to counterfeit, impossible to authenticate.  A third party can easily swoop in and crash the price at any time.

[tp4tissue]

It's been 10 days since I arrived home with covid while riding an emotional high like nothing I've experienced before and those 10 days have been spent in my bedroom doing nothing.  Throughout I have had a stronger drive to do something, anything, that I enjoy, so I have something to look forward to on a daily basis rather than hating the ~250 days a year I have to work.  I have not been able to identify a suitable activity, now work looms large and my high is fading with the symptoms.

Cello ?

[suicidal_orange]

Cello ?

As with your previous musical suggestions - is it fun making noise as a newbie?  No.  And if after years of forcing myself to get anything like good then what, I can play music few would recognise. Though there would be no audience so that wouldn't matter.

You can apply the same over-negative attitude to any suggestion, and I do.  Archery or throwing knives look fun but they are useless skills and as a newbie I'm going to damage stuff, not to mention there are laws to consider (pretty sure you can't just wander to a local park with a bow and start shooting it!)  The only thing which kinda works is learning to weld to make crazy bicycles and I could potentially sell them to recoup some of the costs, but the money involved is significant and it's a noisy outdoor activity so not ideal for after work when you have neighbours.  And instead of making bad noise as a newbie you're literally burning money with nothing to show for it except randomly attached bits of scrap metal.

[tp4tissue]

Cello ?

As with your previous musical suggestions - is it fun making noise as a newbie?  No.  And if after years of forcing myself to get anything like good then what, I can play music few would recognise. Though there would be no audience so that wouldn't matter.

bad noise as a newbie you're literally burning money with nothing to show for it except randomly attached bits of scrap metal.

Once you reach a certain point as a Hughmahn  you're at the edge of your intellect. You may discover something by trying new things, you may not.    But it's a certainty we'll only have more frustration by standing still.

[suicidal_orange]

Once you reach a certain point as a Hughmahn you're at the edge of your intellect. You may discover something by trying new things, you may not.    But it's a certainty we'll only have more frustration by standing still.

Can't argue with that.  A violin or flute would be easier than a cello to throw in a cupboard and forget about if I don't love it though

The other option is to spend my free time learning something with the target being a better job, that's guaranteed not fun.

[fohat.digs]

Do you enjoy physical activity? Martial arts are not necessarily violence-oriented and yield excellent results both physical and mental.

What art forms do you appreciate? Enjoying the art itself and learning about its history can be rewarding. The amount of music, film, history, etc, available online is beyond comprehension.

Do you like working with your hands? There are limitless possibilities of things to make, either to sell or to give away. Furniture, bird houses, outdoor fixtures, ceramics, sculpture ....

Just avoid the easy route - falling into an online rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and radicalization.

[tp4tissue]

ceramics is realllly expensive.

[suicidal_orange]

Do you enjoy physical activity? Martial arts are not necessarily violence-oriented and yield excellent results both physical and mental.

What art forms do you appreciate? Enjoying the art itself and learning about its history can be rewarding. The amount of music, film, history, etc, available online is beyond comprehension.

Do you like working with your hands? There are limitless possibilities of things to make, either to sell or to give away. Furniture, bird houses, outdoor fixtures, ceramics, sculpture ....

Just avoid the easy route - falling into an online rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and radicalization.

I did karate for a couple of years until my wrist started playing up and it still does.  After a gap I got a job where I cycled an hour or two for my daily exercise and didn't notice any mental benefits and this is day 11 of basically sitting in this chair and my mood is still notably above baseline so I don't think exercise does much for me mentally.  The only bonus is doing more physically means sleeping more

Another aspect (or maybe related) is that I'm Autistim-y which affects this is in multiple ways.  I lack imagination to create art and have low desire and ability when it comes to forming relationships so have few people to give things (or play music) to, I would love to carve jewellery in wax then cast it in metal but the block of wax and tools have sat in a box for years due to lack of inspiration.

The opportunity to join a proper off-grid cult is somewhat appealing but reading conspiracies online isn't so no worries there.

That leaves becoming a walking encyclopedia of something that no-one will access which also doesn't sound great or getting good enough at making something that someone would want to buy it.

[fohat.digs]

I would love to carve jewellery in wax then cast it in metal but the block of wax and tools have sat in a box for years due to lack of inspiration.

Copy existing work that you appreciate. My mother went to school with a writer (John Bowers) who eventually wrote a number of books on various subjects, but the first one "The Colony" was largely autobiographical.

Fresh out of school, he went to a "writers colony" where the owner/headmistress nurtured aspiring writers by setting them in cabins in the woods and having them type (this was in the early-1950s when it was all manual typewriters) copies of great novels that they admired. It was a full-time job, all day, every day, for months on end. Her philosophy was that your brain and your hands had to learn what great work really "felt" like before you could create original work of your own. One of his first books was "Helene" which was a "Lolita" re-make set in modern (late-1950s) America.

You can also pick a theme and work off of that. Do a set of works based on circles, or triangles - simple things - maybe pieces that can be combined - then expand your repertoire.

All of which is to say that your first effort out of the gate can, and probably will, be simple and ordinary. Start branching out when  YOU FEEL  ready.

[tp4tissue]

headscratch... that sounds like a cult, hahahahha...

but if the main tenet is typing.. hrrrrrm..... 

[fohat.digs]

that sounds like a cult

Are you really so shallow that you can never look beneath the uppermost veneer of anything? And then, worse, toss off some inane comment to prove it?

It was a school, no more and no less.

The existence of cults is frightening, and we should all be focused on recognizing them. What they can and do do to individuals and society is appalling.

Don't trivialize them by using the word carelessly.

[suicidal_orange]

Copy existing work that you appreciate.

The main problem with jewelery (ignoring the expense of getting something to melt metal and the dangers of doing so) is that it's destructive - you carve something and mould it in plaster then melt out the wax so that's destroyed, then you fill the void with metal and smash the plaster to reveal the finished piece.  If all goes well you have an exact replica (with dodgy extra bits to allow air out, which need to be removed without damaging the piece) but if any step didn't work perfectly you have an ugly mess.  Moulding and casting something basic is going to be easier than something detailed so you need to make something good that you know wont come to anything for the first few tries.

Maybe a semi-autobiographical book would be easier

[fohat.digs]

If you don't have a melting pot that could be a serious road block.

My favorite professor in design school told us that "design is making a virtue out of a necessity"

So, to begin with, cast a miniature Stonehenge with moveable stones that can be rearranged.

[suicidal_orange]

Yup, no way of melting metal and no pressure pot to de-bubble the plaster.  Original plan was to carve something and send it to someone else to cast but soon became aware how fragile wax is...  As I write this I realise I'm just making excuses and none of this is impossible to overcome, I could probably have everything needed here tomorrow if I asked Amazon nicely.

I'm bothered by how much I've changed in the past 17 days - it's indescribably scary!

[Faceman76]

Cello ?

As with your previous musical suggestions - is it fun making noise as a newbie?  No.  And if after years of forcing myself to get anything like good then what, I can play music few would recognise. Though there would be no audience so that wouldn't matter.

You can apply the same over-negative attitude to any suggestion, and I do.  Archery or throwing knives look fun but they are useless skills and as a newbie I'm going to damage stuff, not to mention there are laws to consider (pretty sure you can't just wander to a local park with a bow and start shooting it!)  The only thing which kinda works is learning to weld to make crazy bicycles and I could potentially sell them to recoup some of the costs, but the money involved is significant and it's a noisy outdoor activity so not ideal for after work when you have neighbours.  And instead of making bad noise as a newbie you're literally burning money with nothing to show for it except randomly attached bits of scrap metal.

Have you search for archery ranges or axe throwing in your area?  Both exist near me and are not far drives.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

[suicidal_orange]

Have you search for archery ranges or axe throwing in your area?  Both exist near me and are not far drives.

There are a couple of places that advertise sessions with an instructor which you have to pre-book or there are clubs that have regular practice sessions, I'd prefer something similar to a golf driving range or snooker hall where you just turn up and get a set amount of time.  Another option would be finding someone with enough land to set up my own range but unlike the equipment for casting that is beyond my influence.

[yui]

Have you search for archery ranges or axe throwing in your area?  Both exist near me and are not far drives.

There are a couple of places that advertise sessions with an instructor which you have to pre-book or there are clubs that have regular practice sessions, I'd prefer something similar to a golf driving range or snooker hall where you just turn up and get a set amount of time.  Another option would be finding someone with enough land to set up my own range but unlike the equipment for casting that is beyond my influence.

i had fun learning archery, it is not really that hard to get the basis of safety and posture, then it is training but you should not break much
and i know that a huge sport chain in France do sell suction cup arrows for real bow (Decathlon) i would not be surprised if others do too, and you'd be sure to not kill anyone or break anything, well less likely to break at least

[tp4tissue]

That this web page even exists... // fears for humanity

[fohat.digs]

But it looks so yummy.

[tp4tissue]

But it looks so yummy.

Is this a fotochop or are they actually sold like that ?