The coworker sitting near me may be the most annoying human on planet Earth when just sitting there. He spins his keycard around like a fidget spinner constantly, farts all day stinking up the joint, leaves wet used tissues piled on his desk, makes fried fish in the break room microwave, is constantly making weird loud grunts and other noises, he is always laughing at some video blasting in his headphones, and currently he's sick coughing and sneezing and making gross mucus sounds. I swear to ****, I wanna kick his potato-looking ass down a flight of stairs.