Loss of a pet

[xondat]

My girlfriends cat is on the brink I think. It can barely walk and can't function properly, he's being taken to the vets tomorrow to "discuss options" which mostly means he'll be put down.

I'll need all the advice I can get on this topic as I've never been one for pets, but she's been crying constantly for the past few days because of it.

Thanks GH.

[FLFisherman]

Don't try to rationalize the decision once it's been decided (for example, if you have to put the cat down don't say "it was for the best" or something like that). Your girlfriend is very emotional right now and this pet is a loved one. For the first few hours, days, or even weeks, just be there to console her. Just be with her. After a little while you can speak more rationally about it, but for now, this is a loss for her. The feel-good rationalizing can come later.

Losing a pet is no easy business. I wish you the best for it.

[drewba]

FLFisherman nailed it. She's losing a best friend/family member so just be there for her.

Coming home is going to suck for awhile because she doesn't have her cat to greet her when she walks in - do your best to keep her out of the house and preoccupied. She'll feel lonely and empty - I found it helped to make a video collage of all the pics/videos I took over the years of my dog. That was my remembrance tribute to him and I go back and watch every year or so. I can give you a youtube link if you want to see it and get some ideas. Some people get their pet's paw imprinted in plaster or get their favorite picture framed. I kept a couple of my dog's toys and donated everything else (including food) to the local humane shelter, that made me feel loads better. I wouldn't recommend discussing getting a new pet unless she brings it up.

Most pet owners hold on to their suffering pets much longer than they should because they do not want to lose them. If the vet suggests putting the cat down, it is most likely the right call. She will need time to go through the stages of grief so be there for her.

[inanis]

I just had to put down my cat of something like 13 years. I loved him, he gave great snuggles and was quite the troublemaker when he wanted to be.  I knew something was wrong with him, I thought it was his diet or something, but then he got really, really skinny, and I thought, it is because I changed the food. He just doesn't like it. And then I came home one day and he was walking down the steps to greet me, as he always did and he stumbled. And then I knew. I just knew. I took him to the vets the next day and paid all kinds of money to find out what was wrong. He had kitty cancer and there was no saving him. He had to be put down. It was friggin crushing. I still get teary about it now.

There really isn't going to be any making her feel better at first. The best advice I can give you is to not down play it. No talk of it "just" being a cat. Just let her be sad. That is totally normal and what is needed. And when she needs it you can be there to make her feel better. Maybe get her something to remember him by, so she knows you understand it is a big deal for her.

Just think of how you would want someone to treat you if you lost something you loved, and do that.

[tp4tissue]

Oh god..  that is the exact reason why I can't get a pet..  I wouldn't be able to cope with the feels. .


I had these puppies and a few older dogs when I was a kid.. I was fine, because I didn't understand death back then..

But now, understanding the gravity of such consequences..  I am unable to commit to something that I know I would most likely outlive..

[mashby]

We've had many cats over the years and each one that has passed has been difficult -- more for my wife, than me, but it's difficult all the same.

Your girlfriend will be expressing a lot of emotion at the loss and IMHO the best thing you can do is confirm her feelings and be there for her. What she's looking for is recognition of her feelings and that you understand how she feels.

It takes time to grieve, so you just have to be patient, but echoing back that you understand how she feels, or (if you don't) that you can't imagine how she feels, but you empathize will help you through this storm of emotion you're about to go through.

Hope that helps!

[GL1TCH3D]

Glad there are good responses to this thread because my dog is heading there soon... Loss of eyesight and hearing has gotten pretty bad lately. =(

[FLFisherman]

Glad there are good responses to this thread because my dog is heading there soon... Loss of eyesight and hearing has gotten pretty bad lately. =(

If those are the two primary concerns I wouldn't be too worried. Dogs do really well even if blind, deaf, or both. Their sense of smell is impeccable and they can get around just fine.

Your dog is getting on in years, but they've still got some more good ones ahead (barring any other complications such as cancer).

[Nai_Calus]

Be there for her. Don't judge or say it was just a cat, just support. Don't say she did the right thing unless she starts going on about how horrible she is. Realize it'll take time. It's likely she's had the cat longer than she's known you, so this is a Big Thing for her.

[GL1TCH3D]

Glad there are good responses to this thread because my dog is heading there soon... Loss of eyesight and hearing has gotten pretty bad lately. =(

If those are the two primary concerns I wouldn't be too worried. Dogs do really well even if blind, deaf, or both. Their sense of smell is impeccable and they can get around just fine.

Your dog is getting on in years, but they've still got some more good ones ahead (barring any other complications such as cancer).

I'm expecting a few more years since she's still a healthy weight, active and such. I know my aunt's dog had the same sisues and he lasted a few more years too (even completely blind).

Still have to start thinking about it though.

[xondat]

Noel was put down last night around half eleven at night - the vet said he wouldn't make it through the night so it made sense to. He was 19.

Thanks for the comments, it means a lot having such detailed responses; she even read a few.

[FLFisherman]

Noel was put down last night around half eleven at night - the vet said he wouldn't make it through the night so it made sense to. He was 19.

Thanks for the comments, it means a lot having such detailed responses; she even read a few.

That's a good old age for a cat. I'm glad he made it that far and went down peacefully. Good luck.

[mashby]

Noel was put down last night around half eleven at night - the vet said he wouldn't make it through the night so it made sense to. He was 19.

Thanks for the comments, it means a lot having such detailed responses; she even read a few.

WOW! That's amazing that the cat lived that long. Your girlfriend is really fortunate to have had him that long and to enjoy all those years together. That is really something special to have 19 years of treasured memories.

[drewba]

Noel was put down last night around half eleven at night - the vet said he wouldn't make it through the night so it made sense to. He was 19.

Thanks for the comments, it means a lot having such detailed responses; she even read a few.

RIP Noel