Old Friend Died Last Night

[Kavik]

I found out this morning that my best friend from 6th grade to 11th grade died last night. He was riding a bicycle, and someone hit him with a car and fled the scene.

We had a falling out about twelve and a half years ago, and the last time I saw him or spoke to him was maybe a year and a half after that. He invited me to go see a movie with him, but I declined. He had reached out to me via Facebook a few times over the years; I responded a couple times, but he never responded back to me, so I just ignored him the last few times. He had his 30th birthday a few weeks ago, and I thought about sending him a message wishing him a happy 30th, but I decided against it.

I'd always wanted to reach out and be friends again. In fact, I've had numerous dreams over the years in which that happened. But, from everything I'd heard, he never really matured and had become more spiteful. He was a clingy friend, and, when he started getting into alcohol and pot, I knew that would not be good for me. I knew trying to be his friend again would cause him to be overly involved in my life.

Sometimes, I think that he would have matured and done something with himself if I'd remained friends with him, but then I think he probably would have kept doing his own thing and dragged me down with him.

I'm not really sure what to think or feel right now. He was a great friend back in the day, but I am not sure anything good would have come from a continued friendship. I want to give his family my condolences, but I am not sure if that would be appropriate. He has a little brother who was probably 8 years old the last time I saw him (he's 21 now); I'm not sure if he'd even remember me or if he and his family hold any resentment towards me.

[davkol]

Hear hear.

My best friend in elementary/middle school was a ridiculously talented kid, albeit a bit of an ass. Then I went to a different school and we didn't see each other very often. Fast forward to end of high school… I accidentally met him and we talked a bit. It turned out he had a drinking problem and spent most of the time hanging out with squatters, admiring their "philosophical debates". I haven't heard of him ever since and Google returns nothing.

[tp4tissue]

one of the guys at wurk,   43yrs old,   heart disease,  83% clogged arteries, living on a thread.. sigh...


Good guy... had the best barbecues at his house..  loving family,


The scary part was, we all saw his lunch everyday,  it was just like everyone else's lunch..


Thanks to him I started looking into heart health,   then another gekhaker pointed out veggies linking to 0% heart disease risk  in my sausage thread..

and now I'm on this vegan wagon,    it's the worst wagon,  no suspensions, or lubricant on the wheels.

[Kavik]

one of the guys at wurk,   43yrs old,   heart disease,  83% clogged arteries, living on a thread.. sigh...


Good guy... had the best barbecues at his house..  loving family,


The scary part was, we all saw his lunch everyday,  it was just like everyone else's lunch..


Thanks to him I started looking into heart health,   then another gekhaker pointed out veggies linking to 0% heart disease risk  in my sausage thread..

and now I'm on this vegan wagon,    it's the worst wagon,  no suspensions, or lubricant on the wheels.

And just think: you can put all that work into your diet and then get hit by a car and die anyway. It's weird that it takes so much work to stay healthy, but one mistake in one instant can end a life (Not implying you shouldn't increase your odds of a long life, just pointing out the weirdness of it all).

Sorry about your co-worker. Thirty and forty-three are both too young to die.

[tp4tissue]

And just think: you can put all that work into your diet and then get hit by a car and die anyway. It's weird that it takes so much work to stay healthy, but one mistake in one instant can end a life (Not implying you shouldn't increase your odds of a long life, just pointing out the weirdness of it all).

Sorry about your co-worker. Thirty and forty-three are both too young to die.

Overall.. I agree to the absurdity of CHOICE, 

===but statistically heart disease kill 1 in 4 people..   car accident is only 1 in 20..


It's quite odd to think that driving 70mph on the highway is SAFER than eating burgers everyday..

crazy world

[Findecanor]

Edit: I removed stuff about a friend who had died suddenly.

It's quite odd to think that driving 70mph on the highway is SAFER than eating burgers everyday..

Yeah, but consider the age of those victims. Still, 1 in 20 ... I consider that a huge number, but that's USA for you. Over here, the rate of traffic deaths is lower than the suicide rate (which is about on par with USA).

[tp4tissue]

He had dropped dead. The coroner said it had likely been a brain aneurysm. He had cleared a medical check-up only the week before.

Brain aneurysm (stroke) / alzheimer / dementia  are all highly comorbid with obesity/ heart disease/ cancer.

They're all instigated by high fat, high animal product consumption..


The fact that it can catch even the low age groups is frightening.


We've got childhood diabetes and hypertension now..

[rowdy]

Sincerest condolences.

The hardest words are often those not said.

[Kavik]

Sincerest condolences.

The hardest words are often those not said.

Thanks. I sent his little brother and mom messages today, expressing condolences and apologizing for my absence in his life. I have not heard back from his mom, but his brother seemed understanding about our falling out. He said I'm welcome to come to the viewing (not sure if that includes the funeral since the viewing is the day before and also day of). I don't want to do anything to make his family upset.

It's been hitting me harder and feeling more real as time goes on and I think about it more and remember the good times. My guilt of not making amends has been rising as I realize it's something that can never happen now. It's a screw-up I can never fix.

[audax989]

I can relate to OP. I had a really clos friend back in middle school. We would play video games at hi house and played tennis every night. I had to migrate to pursue my degree. When I came back 12 years later, I found out he was diagnosed with depression. I became afraid to hang out not knowing how he would interact with me after all these years. His parents had a house party once and I sat down and had a beer with him. He still had a lot of aspirations in life albeit, much more shallow ones. Something in me wants to spend more time but I never saw myself stop by. I know I'm going to regret this one day.

[Kavik]

I can relate to OP. I had a really clos friend back in middle school. We would play video games at hi house and played tennis every night. I had to migrate to pursue my degree. When I came back 12 years later, I found out he was diagnosed with depression. I became afraid to hang out not knowing how he would interact with me after all these years. His parents had a house party once and I sat down and had a beer with him. He still had a lot of aspirations in life albeit, much more shallow ones. Something in me wants to spend more time but I never saw myself stop by. I know I'm going to regret this one day.

If this experience has taught me anything, it's not to waste time if you really care about a person. If you think something will be awkward or time consuming or whatever, just make the effort to reach out and at least say you care. My friend died probably thinking I hated him since we parted on bad terms and never talked or hung out again (we talked twice time about a year and a half later, but I was standoffish) in the ensuing 12.5 years.

Anyway, I ended up going to the viewing/funeral and part of the after party. The whole old crew minus one ended up going too. I talked to each of his immediate family members, and they harbored no hard feelings. His mom, whom I was most worried about, gave me several hugs even. We went to his favorite bar afterwards and told funny stories on the open mic. Getting to laugh about the old time made me feel a bit better about the whole situation; it was almost like making amends. Although, it was painful seeing all the recent pictures and hearing others' recent memories and knowing I missed out on all of that.

TL;DR Don't let little things get between you and people you care about. Don't use a busy life or potential awkwardness as an excuse not to reconnect with someone. Email and Facebook make it especially easy to drop someone a line.