On having kids

[azhdar]

Coming in my thirty it seems that everyone around me just talks about having dem kids.
For the one that don't have one already.
And when I talk with my friends on my non-desire to have any, they all are shocked.

But I still fail to see the point of it.
Also it has a bunch of downsides :
1. It's a ****ing big responsability
2. You're in for at least 20 years
3. Health Risks for the Lady
4. ****ing expensive  (even if there's child benefits here in France)
5. RIP free time
6. Why not just adopt one, there's so many of them looking for a family, why the need to create one that look-alike ?
7. Overpopulation, controling birh rate is arguably good for the planet


And when I look at advantages, i Fail to find any:
1. My girl would be happy
2. A friend told me "Kids will take care of you when you're old" => what a weird reason to have kids

Well yeah I guess I'm ChildFree.

[chyros]

I used to entertain the idea of having kids at some point.

Then everyone around me started having them.

Now I don't want any anymore xD .

People start with it so early as well. They get kids at 25 or something like that.

[gipetto]

My health was never great so I couldn't entertain the idea for long. I had a relative that fought in ww2 that didn't have kids, though in his case it was likely natural causes, that I often think of. Many of them had ptsd and swore off having kids to fuel the globalist war machine. My environment raised me as a natural stoic so it shocked me when i went to school and met so many girls who wanted kids as if it was their right. We are all slaves to the national debt that is pumped and dumped through the stockmarket. I'm tired of endless work so give me freedom or give me death.

[Sintpinty]

I don't plan to have kids any time soon, but if i want to continue the legacy then i must.

I feel really bad for my parents because they had to raise twins!

[benfrain]

Absolutely the best thing I have ever done in life.

I didn’t know it was children I needed but until I had them there was always some small unfulfilled void in my soul.

It’s difficult to explain but when I think about the hours I used to spend watching films or playing consoles I don’t lament it. I’m actually appalled that so much of my time before was wasted doing those very things.

[fohat.digs]

The tragedy and conundrum of modern reproduction is that the most educated, intelligent, and thoughtful people generally have the fewest children while those least able to properly nuture and educate them have the most.

Given that all the other problems in the world are exacerbated by runaway overpopulation, there is no positive outcome for the foreseeable future.

My 2 kids are the joy of my life, and I consider myself extremely fortunate that both will be particularly good, honorable, intelligent citizens of the future who will be able to make the world a better place. How I wish that were the rule rather than the exception.

[tp4tissue]

It , "SHOULD" , be the correct option.

But the Capitalist climate of the day Extracts all benefit from the act-of.  That is the problem.

Before the War-Machine,  if you had a farm, and you had lots of children,  that's very good labor, and it's sustaining.

NOW, they just throw young men into the sands of Iraq, and prostitute young women on the internet.  Exactly what benefit is child-rearing for the Blue-Collar classes. ??


The driver of all these problems is Hedonistic Culture/ Worship.  Because our bellies are full, Humanity (at large) has ceased to be forward looking.

[azhdar]

Absolutely the best thing I have ever done in life.

I didn’t know it was children I needed but until I had them there was always some small unfulfilled void in my soul.

It’s difficult to explain but when I think about the hours I used to spend watching films or playing consoles I don’t lament it. I’m actually appalled that so much of my time before was wasted doing those very things.

I still fail to comprehend how that fullfills you.
My activities right now that I do alone/ with friends fullfills me. I don't understand the need to do it with someone of my blood. That makes no sense to me.

The tragedy and conundrum of modern reproduction is that the most educated, intelligent, and thoughtful people generally have the fewest children while those least able to properly nuture and educate them have the most.

Given that all the other problems in the world are exacerbated by runaway overpopulation, there is no positive outcome for the foreseeable future.

My 2 kids are the joy of my life, and I consider myself extremely fortunate that both will be particularly good, honorable, intelligent citizens of the future who will be able to make the world a better place. How I wish that were the rule rather than the exception.

I totally get your point.
When I explained my motives to some people, they told me "that's exactly why you'd be a good dad, you though a lot about this"
While lesser educated people will have them just "because".
But still I don't feel any desire to get any of them. Adoption is a much smarter choice in my opinion.

[sandvichs]

The tragedy and conundrum of modern reproduction is that the most educated, intelligent, and thoughtful people generally have the fewest children while those least able to properly nuture and educate them have the most.

Primarily because those who are the "most educated and intelligent" typically are in careers that do not permit them to take lots of time off from said careers to raise children effectively, thus they put it off until they have career stability and settle with one or two kids rather than four or six. A  consequence of our current capitalist mode of production.

Given that all the other problems in the world are exacerbated by runaway overpopulation, there is no positive outcome for the foreseeable future.

Don't fall for the Malthusian myth of overpopulation in the developing world, we (the West) are significantly worse due to our overconsumption of resources and have a significantly bigger impact despite having like 3x less the reproduction rate.

[tp4tissue]

Absolutely the best thing I have ever done in life.

I didn’t know it was children I needed but until I had them there was always some small unfulfilled void in my soul.

It’s difficult to explain but when I think about the hours I used to spend watching films or playing consoles I don’t lament it. I’m actually appalled that so much of my time before was wasted doing those very things.

I still fail to comprehend how that fullfills you.
My activities right now that I do alone/ with friends fullfills me. I don't understand the need to do it with someone of my blood. That makes no sense to me.

It's the same with Tp4 buying more and more laptops. It's fulfilling in the sense, Tp4 is a big fan of laptops and laptops are fun, Buhhhh.. Tp4 is 1 person, can really only use 1 laptop at a time.

The majority of modern plebeian life is an aimless stacking in one way or another.  Sooner or later, the pointlessness will become overwhelmingly obvious.

[tp4tissue]

Don't fall for the Malthusian myth of overpopulation in the developing world, we (the West) are significantly worse due to our overconsumption of resources and have a significantly bigger impact despite having like 3x less the reproduction rate.

Well, we DO have overpopulation, but it's mainly because of Animal Foods Consumption, rather than Humans.

Yes, " We 'Muricans are the biggest perpetrator of global destruction " Due to land use by animals.

Basically, if we stopped eating meat,  the Entire earth ecosystem would heal within 50-100  years, provided trees are planted .

Animal Agricultural land use is the PRIMARY driver of climate change.

This is a diagram of the Distribution of BIOMASS on this planet.

[Findecanor]

7. Overpopulation, controling birh rate is arguably good for the planet

I once got banned from a large forum for pointing out that breeding to "be complete" is doing it for selfish reasons, and that overpopulation is a big problem that we must curb. Everyone counts, and especially in the developed world because we who live here are the cause of most of the pollution and climate change.

For myself, I have at least one hereditary disease in my genome that I could pass down, that I would not wish on that person I would love and cherish and care about the most in the whole world. It just would not be right.
I have accepted that I will never be a parent.

[chyros]

Don't fall for the Malthusian myth of overpopulation in the developing world, we (the West) are significantly worse due to our overconsumption of resources and have a significantly bigger impact despite having like 3x less the reproduction rate.

Well, we DO have overpopulation, but it's mainly because of Animal Foods Consumption, rather than Humans.

Yes, " We 'Muricans are the biggest perpetrator of global destruction " Due to land use by animals.

Basically, if we stopped eating meat,  the Entire earth ecosystem would heal within 50-100  years, provided trees are planted .

Animal Agricultural land use is the PRIMARY driver of climate change.

This is a diagram of the Distribution of BIOMASS on this planet.

(Attachment Link)

I'm against animal massacre. That's why I eat them.

[tp4tissue]

I'm against animal massacre. That's why I eat them.

I get that Chyros attempts levity for public gud' , but I must caution, we're very low on time. 

[pixelpusher]

hard to say one way or the other.  All parents are different.  Economic situations make parenting/child rearing different.  You age/maturity make a difference.  Your child's wellness and personality make a difference.  Way to many factors to predict a damn thing.  Everyone has a different experience.  My son was very difficult.  He couldn't stay awake for more than 15 minutes without screaming for about 8 months.  Had a talk with the pediatrician.  Colic if you want to call it that.  Hell on Earth is what I would call it.  People don't talk about it.  My wife can't talk about it. PTSD.  When we see a parent out with a sleeping baby, she sometimes breaks into tears and has to leave, even 10 years later.

You said you were in your 30s.  I was too.  It's rough.  I truly think that younger parents have an advantage.  More energy.  Less time to be set in their ways/lifestyle.

I still feel broken a decade later.  My life changed so much I still haven't found who I am again.  I look back at my life before and wonder who that person was.

But there are immeasurable moments.  Times when my son makes me laugh really hard.  Times when we are all sitting on the bed, chilling.  Vacations to the beach.  I think I would probably do it again if I had a choice. 

[Kavik]

This is something I've had difficulty with myself. I have yet to reproduce.

There's an innate desire to propagate my genes and continue my bloodline. The thought that my family dies with me (or my brothers, who don't have children either) is sad and makes life feel somewhat pointless. I also remember the fondness of my own childhood and wish to bestow that to another child. There's also just a feeling associated with it that I can't describe.

But there are the responsibilities, of finance and of time. There's also the infeasibility of caring for a child given my wife's chronic health problems. We are at the age that we probably need to decide within the next couple of years. One of my fears is having a disabled child, mentally or physically. I don't think I could handle that.

That said, I felt the same way about owning a dog; I didn't want the expense,  responsibility, and hair on everything. The only reason I have a dog now is that I felt a duty to save my brother's dog from my mom's house once my mom's health declined to the point that she couldn't care for her anymore. I've found that I really like having a dog. Even though I had dogs throughout childhood that I played with and cared about, this feels different since she's my responsibility. I love this dog in a different way. Maybe having a human child would be similar.

[noisyturtle]

Eh, it looks like an awful experience personally. No money, no time, no sleep, no solitude.
Your entire life becomes about someone else, it's definitely a sacrifice. That's why I think parents are always so self-righteous when they talk about being parents, they feel like martyrs of their own livelihood. It's their way of reasoning it was worth it and marginalize people who still have freedom in their life.

[dgneo]

Coming in my thirty it seems that everyone around me just talks about having dem kids.
For the one that don't have one already.
And when I talk with my friends on my non-desire to have any, they all are shocked.

But I still fail to see the point of it.
Also it has a bunch of downsides :
1. It's a ****ing big responsability
2. You're in for at least 20 years
3. Health Risks for the Lady
4. ****ing expensive  (even if there's child benefits here in France)
5. RIP free time
6. Why not just adopt one, there's so many of them looking for a family, why the need to create one that look-alike ?
7. Overpopulation, controling birh rate is arguably good for the planet


And when I look at advantages, i Fail to find any:
1. My girl would be happy
2. A friend told me "Kids will take care of you when you're old" => what a weird reason to have kids

Well yeah I guess I'm ChildFree.

bless u for not bringing more azerty users into this world

[noisyturtle]

I recall speaking to this fellow one time. A beaten man he was, slumped shoulders, bags under his eyes, a general defeated demeanor. What he told me that day really turned me off the concept of having kids. He described how every evening when he gets home from work he says hello to his family, then goes straight into the bathroom. He just sits there for about 20 minutes even if he doesn't have to go, because he says "It's the only place in my own home I can have a moment alone."

Really spooked me.

[tp4tissue]

I recall speaking to this fellow one time. A beaten man he was, slumped shoulders, bags under his eyes, a general defeated demeanor. What he told me that day really turned me off the concept of having kids. He described how every evening when he gets home from work he says hello to his family, then goes straight into the bathroom. He just sits there for about 20 minutes even if he doesn't have to go, because he says "It's the only place in my own home I can have a moment alone."

Really spooked me.

Many people end up in less than optimal contracts.

HOWEVER, they're not indicative of your outcome.

Given the personality types who would bother to discuss this topic at all, it's typically filled with (offsprings) from difficult family backgrounds, who are prone to using the Failure of others as justification for their own fears of even ATTEMPTING.

This does not mean the fears / predictions are incorrect, but be aware that upbringing certainly shapes these decisions more so than logic/ real possibilities.

[noisyturtle]

I recall speaking to this fellow one time. A beaten man he was, slumped shoulders, bags under his eyes, a general defeated demeanor. What he told me that day really turned me off the concept of having kids. He described how every evening when he gets home from work he says hello to his family, then goes straight into the bathroom. He just sits there for about 20 minutes even if he doesn't have to go, because he says "It's the only place in my own home I can have a moment alone."

Really spooked me.

Many people end up in less than optimal contracts.

calling a relationship a contract is a grim outlook

[tp4tissue]

calling a relationship a contract is a grim outlook

That's the Disney facade,  Everyone in the real world knows what marriage is.

[noisyturtle]

calling a relationship a contract is a grim outlook

That's the Disney facade,  Everyone in the real world knows what marriage is.

Apparently you don't.

[jacethesaltsculptor]

I don't ever see myself having kids similarly to Azhdar.

My goals in live diverge too much to give the time and love needed to make decent people, and I've met plenty who thought they could and didn't. (That's not to take away from the ones who did, but it can't be said that there aren't bad parents.)

The other thing I always felt in my bones was a need to travel the world, and I want to complete that, it's one of my big drives and something I've been working at for nearly all of my adult life. I feel like there is so much life and world going on that I want to experience, even briefly.

Me and several partners have fell through because of differing opinions on this, and that's fine. I'm chasing after what I want, and they are as well. I don't want to hold someone back from what they want and need to feel happy, in this case kids, and I make that very clear.

It is a strange thing to me, when people ask why and get puzzled that I don't want kids. But I feel that it's very similar to when I ask them why they do want kids.

They'll give me a variety of reasons, but it always boils down to: Because I just do.

My reason in response is: Because I just don't.

[Kavik]

They'll give me a variety of reasons, but it always boils down to: Because I just do.

The same reason kids like Applejacks even though they don't taste like apples.

But on a serious note, I like your way of thinking. Pursue what you want to do and don't hold anyone else back from the same. I have a desire to travel and such, but I feel held back by circumstances (wife in poor health, mom in poor health and needs helps around the house, and finances [my fault, but I could work more without other responsibilities]). I feel that I'd have to nuke everything in order to do what I really want to do in life.

[iri]

1. My girl would be happy

[tp4tissue]

They'll give me a variety of reasons, but it always boils down to: Because I just do.

The same reason kids like Applejacks even though they don't taste like apples.

But do they like applejacks ?

In the commercial they do,  but in real life. They're just so-so.

[Quinella]

kids are lil shts can confirm i used to be one

[Kavik]

They'll give me a variety of reasons, but it always boils down to: Because I just do.

The same reason kids like Applejacks even though they don't taste like apples.

But do they like applejacks ?

In the commercial they do,  but in real life. They're just so-so.

I don't think I ate them until I was 17 or 18, but I think they're pretty awesome. I was more into Clusters when I was a kid.

[tp4tissue]

I don't think I ate them until I was 17 or 18, but I think they're pretty awesome. I was more into Clusters when I was a kid.

Frosted Wheat was Tp4 go-to, has to be the mini small ones.  the big ones were a choking hazard.

[Kavik]

I don't think I ate them until I was 17 or 18, but I think they're pretty awesome. I was more into Clusters when I was a kid.

Frosted Wheat was Tp4 go-to, has to be the mini small ones.  the big ones were a choking hazard.

Haha, I actually preferred the large mini-wheats, but then Kellogg's stopped making them. Now I just have to enjoy the little ones.