I know I've whined and cried and complained a lot...some out of hopelessness, fear, confusion, anger and just not knowing what the heck to do. The whole mess is just so flipping CRAZY. I go over it in my head now and stop and think WTF?
But when your home, personal belongings, email, accounts, financial paperwork/contacts are compromised, and someone is contacting your work, people you know, etc....it can really mess with your head and how you see things. Keep in mind I have no family at all and no friends in the town I live in, everyone I know are time zones away...so a very solo existence, so when things go poorly, there is no one to fall back on. Everyone is a phone call or email away. It creates desperation, especially during painfully long and sleepless nights. You lose perspective. For me, it felt horrible, but in the end it's turned out to only be an expensive, hassle and emotional time waster. It was the fear that was so damaging. What has happened? Why is this happening? What will happen next? What do I do? Who can I trust? What more will I lose? How much worse can this be? FEAR SUCKS.
That's one reason I wrote this, so if ANYONE has a critical, or hopeless feeling, no matter how bizarre ( a freaking STALKER???), to know that you will get past it. I so hope no one ever has an issue like this, but I know someone will, and that makes me sad
The upside is that with all the people it contacted, they all contacted me to say what a nut job (some of these peeps I have not had contact with in years), so no personal damage (that I know of) had been done. I give credit and stand by my relationships with people, whether new friends or old...they know/knew me and have an element of trust that isn't shaken by a random accusation. Whew!
I perhaps should not have vented here as I have, and maybe should just close the thread. Again, we all need to be cautious of who we allow access into our lives, personal or professional, and also know that bad things can and will happen, you have to expect and be prepared that every day will not be a great day, some days are devastating, and all problems are relative. If I had not been financially zeroed out, things would have been easier and not nearly as desperate for me. I went hungry for 24 hours. That night I was going to go to McDonalds with the other bums and beg for food that they throw out in the dumpster at night. I was pretty hungry and had to go to work the next day. Fortunately, I didn't resort to that, but it's a fine option to keep in mind.
I need to put this behind me, and that's a conscience action that must take place (I promise to do that now)...it's so much easier when you are busy with work, misc. duties, friends, activities, and most of those things being positive...rather than to sit in fear and stew. My temporary work the last 4 months paid very little and was a toxic environment, so I'm glad that's over with. That has no helped the last couple months at all.
I got more calls/offers today, so again, more steps in the right direction. But I know this will still take till next year to completely flesh out and get squared away. And I may need to consider some counseling to address some of the thoughts I had that no one should ever have. Yuck. I was surprised, and not in a good way. I'm sure others could have handled this situation in a more positive way. The only way I saw to make a drastic change for my better, would have been to pick up and split, leaving everyone, bills, obligations hanging. I chose to not do that.
Thank you to everyone in this thread and PM....some very generous offers. I will not forget.
Sooooo......
BACK TO KEYBOARDS!
