I've been planning a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Japan since before the pandemic. For even longer, I've felt it important to once in my life visit the peace park in Hiroshima.
There are also the connections and cultural influence, all the way from the electronics boom in the '80s when my dad went there, Japanese and Western movies, Japanese video games and anime. Several in my family have trained Budo, and I've also exercised zen meditation. Then I found that over a hundred years ago another relative had been there: and I've got a large collection of postcards with photos of places: so I've given myself the task to visit some of those again: to take new pictures and print new postcards.
I've also wanted to go for healing my soul at temples after a long period of treatments for cancer, which I got out of a couple of years ago. It left me with an ostomy ... and Japan has special ostomy toilets at public toilets everywhere: awesome!
But I have this crippling fear of flying...
About this time last year, I had a trip booked but cancelled at the airport because the fear and anxiety had been overwhelming. After my illness, I had for a year also been used and abused by and by companies abusing the Swedish unemployment agency's programs to leach on people, so when I was about to fly, my background stress level had also been elevated, which didn't help.
I have seen a therapist since then, to deal with this and to prepare for whenever I make another attempt, but he has been largely useless. I've been given a few simple exercises, and he has listened to me whine, but I don't feel that we really engaged in my trauma, so it remains mostly unresolved.
I have read a book about fear of flying, and got a few more exercises and learned about how the brain and anxiety works. But theory and practice are two different things, and my background stress remains.
I have still booked another flight to take place in a few days.
I did learn a lot from my "dry-run" a year ago: so I've got it both cheaper and a better itinerary than a year ago.
There is one item on my wish list that I haven't fulfilled though: I want to visit the wonderful DIY keyboard scene in Japan. When I had to book the flight, no event date had been announced. Tokyo Keyboard Expo is taking place when I'm (supposed to be) there but last year's event looked more like a trade show with Chinese brands so I've instead planned to be in other prefectures. A couple weeks ago, the date for the next Tokyo Ten-key keyboard party dropped: taking place two days after I'd be flying out ...
The pre-flight anxiety has started to kick in. I've got to re-read my book and prepare.
