Author Topic: How do you make packages come faster ?  (Read 2120 times)

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Online tp4tissue

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How do you make packages come faster ?
« on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 14:25:56 »
Sometimes, Tp4 looks into the distance,  Attempts to connect telepathically with the UPS driver, sending him motivational thoughts such that he may complete his rounds more efficiently and sooner.

Offline AuthenticDanger

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #1 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 14:28:12 »
Sometimes, Tp4 looks into the distance,  Attempts to connect telepathically with the UPS driver, sending him motivational thoughts such that he may complete his rounds more efficiently and sooner.

You can also pay more to have them deliver to you at the beginning of their route. Just select the "bribery" option at checkout.  :thumb:
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Offline digi

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #2 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 15:34:56 »
I'm too cheap to pay for expedited shipping. I like the brain waves idea TP, just make sure you don't push too hard or poop might come out. :D

Online tp4tissue

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #3 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 15:36:28 »
I'm too cheap to pay for expedited shipping. I like the brain waves idea TP, just make sure you don't push too hard or poop might come out. :D

I see you've had ample xperience in the matter. !!

Offline ygor

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #4 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 15:41:02 »
More
Ez, spit in yer hand and stroke the head.



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Offline noisyturtle

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #5 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 15:49:13 »
Pay slightly more for faster shipping, have it sent to a PO box, pick it up yourself. Nothing should take more than 2 days within US

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #6 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 15:53:15 »
Pay slightly more for faster shipping, have it sent to a PO box, pick it up yourself. Nothing should take more than 2 days within US

Guess, should add,  -for p00r people- to forum title. hahahahahaha

Offline beehatch

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #7 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 17:35:38 »
Ez, spit in yer hand and stroke the head.

Offline Leslieann

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #8 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 18:10:22 »
Buy local.
For Ebay, find a seller closer and look at how fast they tend to ship items (many overlook the second part)
Also, Amazon prime.
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Offline noisyturtle

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #9 on: Thu, 30 November 2017, 19:24:01 »
Oh, and for international shipping choose DHL if possible. Their shipping is generally super fast.

Offline Leslieann

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #10 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 02:04:27 »
Oh, and for international shipping choose DHL if possible. Their shipping is generally super fast.
But never in the US unless it's overnight.
Soooo inconsistent. but usually on the long side.
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Offline FreeCopy

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #11 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 03:28:34 »
I've found that having the +4 on your zip code can help, even though Newman claims zip codes are meaningless. If I'm quoted 4 days shipping for example, it helps it get there a day or two earlier. Same 4 day quote without +4 seems to be 4-5 days shipping time.

I'm also fortunate enough to be at the first part of the day for the carriers. UPS, FEDEX, and USPS all go through my neighborhood before noon.
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Offline fanpeople

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #12 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 03:30:07 »
Just go back in time and order the item earlier.

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #13 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 14:03:58 »
I've found that having the +4 on your zip code can help, even though Newman claims zip codes are meaningless. If I'm quoted 4 days shipping for example, it helps it get there a day or two earlier. Same 4 day quote without +4 seems to be 4-5 days shipping time.

I'm also fortunate enough to be at the first part of the day for the carriers. UPS, FEDEX, and USPS all go through my neighborhood before noon.

what plus 4, u mean the last 4 digits of the zip code ?

Offline Findecanor

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #14 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 14:43:54 »
Move to a house right next to a UPS hub. I once heard a tech journalist tell that because the firm's office he once worked at was very close to a hub they got new review samples from tech companies from the UPS guy early in the morning, and so they could get their "first look" and "hands on" articles out on the web earlier than anyone else.

If you buy local on eBay (or whatever), pick it up in person.
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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #15 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 15:40:48 »
Move to a house right next to a UPS hub. I once heard a tech journalist tell that because the firm's office he once worked at was very close to a hub they got new review samples from tech companies from the UPS guy early in the morning, and so they could get their "first look" and "hands on" articles out on the web earlier than anyone else.

If you buy local on eBay (or whatever), pick it up in person.

Yea, but all the carcinogenic fumes from all the vehicles..  and the noise.. and the drug traffickers working inside the postal system..


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Offline Shapey Fiend

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #16 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 17:23:54 »
That's the best suggestion so far. I live 15 mins from an airport where all the various distribution centers are so I've often got international orders next day with cheap shipping.

Offline Zobeid Zuma

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #17 on: Fri, 01 December 2017, 17:36:58 »
I'm too cheap to pay for expedited shipping. I like the brain waves idea TP, just make sure you don't push too hard or poop might come out. :D

I used to be too cheap to play for expedited shipping—until a certain vendor decided to send me a new keyboard via FedEx SmartPost.  I thought I was going to die waiting for that.

Offline C5Allroad

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #18 on: Sun, 03 December 2017, 10:46:12 »
Sometimes, Tp4 looks into the distance,  Attempts to connect telepathically with the UPS driver, sending him motivational thoughts such that he may complete his rounds more efficiently and sooner.
I usually throw more money at my monitors. Or I'll use Amazon prime

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Offline chyros

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #19 on: Sun, 03 December 2017, 13:06:37 »
Simple, use DHL instead of UPS.
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Offline Duckyreddy

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #20 on: Sun, 03 December 2017, 13:09:34 »
How do you make packages come faster?

You sit by your window 25/7 and pray

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Offline C5Allroad

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #21 on: Mon, 04 December 2017, 13:56:51 »
How do you make packages come faster?

You sit by your window 25/7 and pray

That makes it feel much slower. Did that when I bought a new laptop. I ended up finding out which flight it was on because I looked at the departure scans on tracking number and then went to flight data for UPS and matched it with the times that I had. We're also friends with the UPS driver so I texted him asking when he would roll through our neighborhood during his route....

« Last Edit: Mon, 04 December 2017, 13:59:17 by C5Allroad »

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #22 on: Mon, 04 December 2017, 15:02:54 »
How do you make packages come faster?

You sit by your window 25/7 and pray

That makes it feel much slower. Did that when I bought a new laptop. I ended up finding out which flight it was on because I looked at the departure scans on tracking number and then went to flight data for UPS and matched it with the times that I had. We're also friends with the UPS driver so I texted him asking when he would roll through our neighborhood during his route....



what did you do to get so friendly with the ups driver..

// please show us on this anatomically correct doll where you touched the ups driver.

Offline C5Allroad

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #23 on: Mon, 04 December 2017, 18:06:15 »
How do you make packages come faster?

You sit by your window 25/7 and pray

That makes it feel much slower. Did that when I bought a new laptop. I ended up finding out which flight it was on because I looked at the departure scans on tracking number and then went to flight data for UPS and matched it with the times that I had. We're also friends with the UPS driver so I texted him asking when he would roll through our neighborhood during his route....



what did you do to get so friendly with the ups driver..

// please show us on this anatomically correct doll where you touched the ups driver.

*points to heart*


He's dropping stuff off often enough to the point where we got his number to just drop stuff off without signing anything. But I was home that day so I was watching rick and morty while waiting for him to drop off my computer.
« Last Edit: Mon, 04 December 2017, 18:15:17 by C5Allroad »

Offline FreeCopy

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #24 on: Mon, 04 December 2017, 19:02:59 »
I've found that having the +4 on your zip code can help, even though Newman claims zip codes are meaningless. If I'm quoted 4 days shipping for example, it helps it get there a day or two earlier. Same 4 day quote without +4 seems to be 4-5 days shipping time.

I'm also fortunate enough to be at the first part of the day for the carriers. UPS, FEDEX, and USPS all go through my neighborhood before noon.

what plus 4, u mean the last 4 digits of the zip code ?

Yes.
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Offline Leslieann

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #25 on: Mon, 04 December 2017, 19:12:10 »
Some of you should just resort to bribery.
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Offline C5Allroad

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #26 on: Mon, 04 December 2017, 19:21:17 »
Some of you should just resort to bribery.

Don't we already do that?

Offline dgneo

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #27 on: Fri, 08 December 2017, 14:26:11 »
u gotta find the man in the canoe
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Offline Findecanor

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #28 on: Fri, 08 December 2017, 15:43:17 »
BTW. Another trick to make packages arrive faster is to not order things during the holiday.

I once had two small eBay packages posted with USPS in the same US city on the same day arrive in Sweden a week apart at the start of January. US packages usually take exactly one week to get here, EMS or not.
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Offline rich1051414

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #29 on: Fri, 08 December 2017, 17:07:33 »
If you order near the end of the day, they rush to ship it before shifts end. Once it is in UPS's hands, not much you can do. However, the cheapest shipping method is INTENTIONALLY slow. It is artificially slowed in order for people to pay a few more bucks for first class. It might be worth it to do that.
« Last Edit: Fri, 08 December 2017, 17:09:08 by rich1051414 »
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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #30 on: Fri, 08 December 2017, 17:09:55 »
If you order near the end of the day, they rush to ship it before shifts end. Once it is in UPS's hands, not much you can do. However, the cheapest shipping method is INTENTIONALLY slow. It is artificially slowed in order for people to pay a few more bucks for first class. It might be worth it to do that.

U mean they wait for --Tomorrow-- ??

Because they want to get to the bar , get drunk, then go home to the wife..

Offline rich1051414

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #31 on: Fri, 08 December 2017, 17:11:10 »
If you order near the end of the day, they rush to ship it before shifts end. Once it is in UPS's hands, not much you can do. However, the cheapest shipping method is INTENTIONALLY slow. It is artificially slowed in order for people to pay a few more bucks for first class. It might be worth it to do that.

U mean they wait for --Tomorrow-- ??

Because they want to get to the bar , get drunk, then go home to the wife..
Not if you order from amazon. They guarantee packages are sent that day, but if its too late, they may wait to the end of the next day. Exploit the system!
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Offline Leslieann

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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #32 on: Sat, 09 December 2017, 04:34:16 »
If you order near the end of the day, they rush to ship it before shifts end. Once it is in UPS's hands, not much you can do. However, the cheapest shipping method is INTENTIONALLY slow. It is artificially slowed in order for people to pay a few more bucks for first class. It might be worth it to do that.

U mean they wait for --Tomorrow-- ??

Because they want to get to the bar , get drunk, then go home to the wife..
Not if you order from amazon. They guarantee packages are sent that day, but if its too late, they may wait to the end of the next day. Exploit the system!


A LOT of Amazon shipping is actually overnight, however they use the extra time when you use slower shipping methods to use their own trucks and cheaper solutions to get the package as close to you as possible before it enters the overnight system. Regardless of when you purchased it, it will not leave their hands until it will arrive on the appropriate day. On Prime this often means they will wait a day before shipping something if it's coming from the closest warehouse. On slower methods or from distant warehouses it may go through another carrier either to local post or to another Amazon warehouse before it gets sent overnight.

I have ordered stuff plenty early enough and Amazon still holds it a day since it's through Prime.

Amazon and several other large merchants (McMaster-Carr is another) all have overnight deals for the bulk of their shipping. You just have to ship a LOT of stuff to make it worthwhile and/or have several warehouses.

While UPS and USPS don't do it (they get it there as fast as they can generally), other shippers like DHL and FEDEX will play games even worse than Amazon, like letting it sit in a facility for a few days just to ensure it doesn't arrive early. This seems to be especially true if it's using extremely low budget shipping and/or going to another carrier for delivery. Neweggs cheapest option has this problem, if I order 3day from Newegg I get it overnight (if ordered by 2pm), if I order using their cheapest shipping option which uses a combination DHL and USPS, that same trip will take a guaranteed 5-7 days. Usually the latter.
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Re: How do you make packages come faster ?
« Reply #33 on: Mon, 11 December 2017, 14:35:55 »
[size=72]YOU CAN MAKE PACKAGES COME FASTER BY SWITCHING TO WINDOWS 95. DON'T WAIT![/size]
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