Author Topic: How do ya'll deal with Evangelists (Read 3574 times)

tp4tissue · « **on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 14:09:50 »

Been getting quite a few of these around the block, must be the economic downturn..

Looking for tried and true tactics..

Goal: they never come back

fohat.digs · « **Reply #1 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 14:13:12 »

Years ago, they used to hit on one of my friends (who is quite well-endowed) early in the mornings on the weekends.

One Sunday morning, he answered the door naked, and they never came back again.

chyros · « **Reply #2 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 15:01:31 »

There are no religious people where I'm from, let alone evangelists.

dgneo · « **Reply #3 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 15:02:29 »

Quote from: fohat.digs on Wed, 12 October 2016, 14:13:12

Years ago, they used to hit on one of my friends (who is quite well-endowed) early in the mornings on the weekends.

One Sunday morning, he answered the door naked, and they never came back again.

This or blasting death metal is the way to go.

Sifo · « **Reply #4 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 15:04:50 »

tell em gendo did nothing wrong

Nerdiary · « **Reply #5 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 17:02:38 »

No tactics here, but there is something I like to do every once in awhile.

"Oh my god!" *horrified expression* + *sprint in opposite direction*

eksuen · « **Reply #6 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 17:12:46 »

If they show up at my doorstep, I insist on getting their home address before continuing any sort of conversation. I promise to hear them out once I get their home address. I also promise that I will show up at their home unannounced at a random time to discuss why I think religion is a crock of ****. And when I do, they must hear me out.

algernon · « **Reply #7 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 17:17:18 »

Having studied the Bible in high school, I found that I can convincingly quote random parts of it, and support my argument, while pretending that I believe that the Biblical Satan is a much more sympathetic dude than that God guy. Spending half an hour trying to convince them of this, they usually give up and never come back. It is also very funny. Doubly so when it turns out you know the Bible much better than they do (this happened quite a lot in the past, when my high school memories were still fresh).

An alternate tactic is counter-evangelising them about the Great Spaghetti Monster in the Sky. Keep a colander under your jacket, to pull out in the heat of argument, and vehemently point at it as some kind of proof.

If they think you are mad, they won't bother trying to talk to you again. I think, you won't have any issues pulling this off, tp4tissue.

alienman82 · « **Reply #8 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 17:20:15 »

removed.

Dr_Alphabet · « **Reply #9 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 17:20:31 »

unbox on them

fanpeople · « **Reply #10 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 17:34:10 »

I just let them say what they have to say. I just stand there, after about 5 minutes they get bored and leave. I am going to be honust, i dont think they expect to actually have someone listen to them so they run out of **** pretty quickly. I mostly get teenagers so i think they are generally forced into doing it, so its no big deal to them or me. At least it seems that way.

Leslieann · « **Reply #11 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 18:10:29 »

My roommate had a foolproof method, he would answer the door with a Satanic Bible in hand (preferably in underwear) and ask if they had been introduced to Satan. Whatever denomination they were, we never saw them again.

Fanpeople,
I can't speak for others but Mormons are not forced to do this, in fact they volunteer and typically have to pay their own way to do it. If they are lucky their individual church will pay for their mission but that's not the norm, a friend of mine sold his classic truck to pay for his (I thought he was crazy).

fanpeople · « **Reply #12 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 18:21:18 »

Quote from: Leslieann on Wed, 12 October 2016, 18:10:29

My roommate had a foolproof method, he would answer the door with a Satanic Bible in hand (preferably in underwear) and ask if they had been introduced to Satan. Whatever denomination they were, we never saw them again.

Fanpeople,
I can't speak for others but Mormons are not forced to do this, in fact they volunteer and typically have to pay their own way to do it. If they are lucky their individual church will pay for their mission but that's not the norm, a friend of mine sold his classic truck to pay for his (I thought he was crazy).

What about the children of mormons? I bet there are some that really want to but then there are also some that don't, but pretend to because of obvious negative repercussions from parents and friends etc. there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to intent. I am only commenting on my particular observations of dealings i have had.

I have no doubts there are pleanty of people that get a hard on for an old bible bash down the street.

noisyturtle · « **Reply #13 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 19:40:17 »

Just ignore them. It's super easy.

Leslieann · « **Reply #14 on:** Wed, 12 October 2016, 23:01:30 »

Quote from: fanpeople on Wed, 12 October 2016, 18:21:18

Quote from: Leslieann on Wed, 12 October 2016, 18:10:29
My roommate had a foolproof method, he would answer the door with a Satanic Bible in hand (preferably in underwear) and ask if they had been introduced to Satan. Whatever denomination they were, we never saw them again.

Fanpeople,
I can't speak for others but Mormons are not forced to do this, in fact they volunteer and typically have to pay their own way to do it. If they are lucky their individual church will pay for their mission but that's not the norm, a friend of mine sold his classic truck to pay for his (I thought he was crazy).

What about the children of mormons? I bet there are some that really want to but then there are also some that don't, but pretend to because of obvious negative repercussions from parents and friends etc. there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to intent. I am only commenting on my particular observations of dealings i have had.

I have no doubts there are pleanty of people that get a hard on for an old bible bash down the street.

I meant in regards to those going door to door.

As far as casual interactions... It depends on the person.
I find the priests themselves to be easy going and easy to talk to, I have one full time preacher and one ex-preacher I do work for and neither have ever tried to convert me. They respected other's beliefs (or lack of them) and I've had some interesting discussions with them. Others though... Some are fine but I've found some of them flat out predatory and vindictive people and your only option is to walk away, and watch your back (and/or wallet).

Personally, I think religion should be treated like sex, only discussed among consenting adults.

Blackehart · « **Reply #15 on:** Thu, 13 October 2016, 10:52:42 »

Have you tried asking them to not bother you anymore?

I asked some Witnesses not to bother anymore and they didn't.

Had to be a little harsher with the guys that wear black pants a white shirt with a black tie that ride around on bikes.

chyros · « **Reply #16 on:** Thu, 13 October 2016, 12:07:53 »

Some religious dude used to come by my student house regularly to try and convert us until he had the singular misfortune of ringing the bell when me and five of my, also chemist, friends were over. We had an hour-long debate and never came back since ^^ .

tp4tissue · « **Reply #17 on:** Thu, 13 October 2016, 12:33:34 »

We need to develop a cloud based deep learning system which can visually detect evangelists..

Then it will be hooked up to an arduino,

When it detects religion upon your drive way.. the arduino will turn on a motor which slips a satanic symbol through a slot above your doorway.. as the evangelists walk up to it..

/technology

Slash Emperor · « **Reply #18 on:** Thu, 13 October 2016, 13:07:42 »

Baptized Catholic that doesn't practice at all, been in Catholic (Sisters of Divine Providence and Jesuit) my entire academic career, and I never felt like anyone tried to convert me. Elementary through Highschool, I always had to have religion classes, but they were just a part of the courseload. In college, since it was a Jesuit school, they were very chill and you only had to take one religious studies course for your general requirements (I did Buddhism to learn about something different). Jesuits are just extremely chill in general, since you could talk with a priest for hours and the topic of religion wouldn't come up.

As for the door-to-door types, I've never had one come to my house or neighborhood.

lrochfort · « **Reply #19 on:** Thu, 13 October 2016, 16:01:36 »

"**** off". <close door>

Findecanor · « **Reply #20 on:** Fri, 14 October 2016, 05:58:38 »

I live in an apartment block with an intercom at the front door. Visitors have to use it to dial the apartment they are there to visit and ask the occupants to open the front door from the inside.
That effectively blocks anyone going from door to door.

xtrafrood · « **Reply #21 on:** Fri, 14 October 2016, 06:12:21 »

Normally I check who is at the door in a way that they can see me. Then I go back to what I was doing before they interrupted.

Bromono · « **Reply #22 on:** Fri, 14 October 2016, 06:25:27 »

Data · « **Reply #23 on:** Fri, 14 October 2016, 13:49:10 »

Use the peephole, don't open the door or even acknowledge them. There's no law which requires you to answer and speak to any random person who happens to walk up. They will just assume you're not home or can't come to the door and then they'll leave. It's pretty easy, actually.

If you have to engage with them for some reason, then just be assertive and tell them to go away. It's your property. You can do it without being a ****. I don't get why some people have such a hard time with this.

"Hi! Thanks, we're not interested. Have a great day. Bye!"
/shut door
/rack slide on shotgun
/let dog bark a few times
/turn up death metal and/or gangsta rap

chyros · « **Reply #24 on:** Fri, 14 October 2016, 14:05:38 »

I wonder what happens if you put Christian Death Metal on.

xtrafrood · « **Reply #25 on:** Sat, 15 October 2016, 00:41:51 »

Quote from: chyros on Fri, 14 October 2016, 14:05:38

I wonder what happens if you put Christian Death Metal on.

Mind blown?

rowdy · « **Reply #26 on:** Sat, 22 October 2016, 05:39:15 »

I had a neighbour once who said he answered the door naked when evangelists knocked and said something like "I've just done the wife, do you want to be next?".

They ran.

jal · « **Reply #27 on:** Sat, 22 October 2016, 07:50:25 »

My mother's second husband got sick of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Mike spent a long time in Viet Nam in the war, and was a little crazy. Mostly in a harmless way, but he looked like a backwoods mountain man; he had a long, full beard, long hair, and he was a big guy. When he wanted to, he could come off as really scary. Also, this was rural Tennessee.

Anyway, he got tired of trying to discourage them, and answered the door with a shotgun in one hand and a flag in the other, and just stood, staring. They left quickly and didn't come back.

This was in the 90s. Ruby Ridge and the Oklahoma City bombing were still on people's minds, but people weren't wetting their pants over terrorism (I wonder what might have been different) then. This may not be the smartest method of devangelism today.

Sifo · « **Reply #28 on:** Sat, 22 October 2016, 07:51:58 »

just start talking about eva show em ur body pillows invite them in let's all turn to tang together

tp4tissue · « **Reply #29 on:** Sat, 22 October 2016, 12:12:01 »

Quote from: Sifo on Sat, 22 October 2016, 07:51:58

just start talking about eva show em ur body pillows invite them in let's all turn to tang together

You know what'd be funny...

If you filled an entire room with anime-wifu body pillows just, 100% filled, stacked up high..

So, then , throughout the afternoon in the summer, it will get really hot in there..

Then it will pretty much hold that heat, because it's an entire room full of pillows..

Then the DEA/NSA satellites will pick up a major heat source at the time of night, they're going to think you're growing pot..

THEN, they show up, and it's an entire room of anime-body-pillows..

I could just imagine the look on the agent's faces... They'd probably be more disappointed in humanity than if the perp had been growing pot.. hahahahahahahhahahaa

MandrewDavis · « **Reply #30 on:** Sun, 23 October 2016, 00:20:02 »

My neighbor is a church pastor, so for most religious people that came to the door, that was pretty easy. However, if you don't want Jehovah's Witnesses coming back, I have heard to say you were disfellowshipped. This means they are not allowed to talk to you.

I have nothing against religion, but one of my uncles' ex-wife became a Jehovah's Witness. He is not religious and she was convinced to leave him with two boys to raise on his own, only to disfellowshipped herself a few years later.

tp4tissue · « **Reply #31 on:** Sun, 23 October 2016, 00:39:16 »

Quote from: MandrewDavis on Sun, 23 October 2016, 00:20:02

My neighbor is a church pastor, so for most religious people that came to the door, that was pretty easy. However, if you don't want Jehovah's Witnesses coming back, I have heard to say you were disfellowshipped. This means they are not allowed to talk to you.

I have nothing against religion, but one of my uncles' ex-wife became a Jehovah's Witness. He is not religious and she was convinced to leave him with two boys to raise on his own, only to disfellowshipped herself a few years later.

well.. 1 bad apple.

There are certainly good religious people, but I guess they're not out doing house calls..

rowdy · « **Reply #32 on:** Sun, 23 October 2016, 04:52:14 »

I've got another friend who went through a religious phase, and she knows parts of the Bible backwards.

Once she had a couple knock on her door, and she went to get her Bible and quote passages to them and show them all the underlined bits.

I think they left with their tails between their legs - outclassed

)

tp4tissue · « **Reply #33 on:** Sun, 23 October 2016, 10:49:32 »

Quote from: rowdy on Sun, 23 October 2016, 04:52:14

I've got another friend who went through a religious phase, and she knows parts of the Bible backwards.

Once she had a couple knock on her door, and she went to get her Bible and quote passages to them and show them all the underlined bits.

I think they left with their tails between their legs - outclassed )

So one has to memorize the bible , to beat away the bible pushers ?

MandrewDavis · « **Reply #34 on:** Sun, 23 October 2016, 19:20:19 »

TP4, do you make those gifs? You always seem to have the perfect one for every occasion.

mushman · « **Reply #35 on:** Sun, 23 October 2016, 19:25:25 »

I don't need religion and have lived long enough. Whether good or bad when it's my time I hope there is nothing afterwards.

tp4tissue · « **Reply #36 on:** Mon, 24 October 2016, 00:29:17 »

Quote from: MandrewDavis on Sun, 23 October 2016, 19:20:19

TP4, do you make those gifs? You always seem to have the perfect one for every occasion.

nawh, it's a whole series , known as onion head.. made by a taiwanese artist.. he sued some people over copyright, they sued back, and over the course of the bad news, generally they've gone out of popularity.

I tried to get everyone to use it, Buhhh... they were too damn lazy, and so I'm the only one using them..

fanpeople · « **Reply #37 on:** Mon, 24 October 2016, 01:04:42 »

Quote from: tp4tissue on Mon, 24 October 2016, 00:29:17

Quote from: MandrewDavis on Sun, 23 October 2016, 19:20:19
TP4, do you make those gifs? You always seem to have the perfect one for every occasion.

nawh, it's a whole series , known as onion head.. made by a taiwanese artist.. he sued some people over copyright, they sued back, and over the course of the bad news, generally they've gone out of popularity.
Show Image

I tried to get everyone to use it, Buhhh... they were too damn lazy, and so I'm the only one using them..

Show Image

Am i doing it right

tp4tissue · « **Reply #38 on:** Mon, 24 October 2016, 01:10:08 »

Quote from: fanpeople on Mon, 24 October 2016, 01:04:42

Am i doing it right

(Attachment Link)

Imagine the meeting they had on that costume..

Guys, Halloween is all about girls dressing up in revealing outfits..

Then there's this guy who's made an onion costume, and everyone's like, Gerald, that's not going to work,

Gerald's like, wait wait wait, ok, we cut it off Here, and tuck Here, look, LEGS..

Brilliant work gerald..

News:

Author Topic: How do ya'll deal with Evangelists (Read 3574 times)