Absolutely god-awful theoretical switch designs

[mizzoperator]

Since this is more of a funposting thing rather than a serious discussion, I'm dropping this thread in Off Topic.

Have you guys ever just thought of some really awful theoretical switch designs, just for a laugh? I have, because I'm crazy.
Yesterday, I was messing with a paper clip and a spare rubber dome keycap I had laying around while on break;
my idea was to basically make the sequel to the Razer Ornata but somehow even worse!

The basic design would include something like a small outer housing that fits onto the mounting end of the keycap and a clickbar sort of hooked into said outer housing and scraping up against the side of it with every keypress. Keep in mind, I'm not an engineer and I have no idea how to pull this off.

The kicker here would be that clickbar only generates the click because it's violently being scraped up and down the side of the mounting end's outer housing.
Not only would this never work properly ever, but it would definitely break very quickly too. It would probably produce a strange stiff and aggravating key-feel, due to having to shove the "clickbar" up and down. Additionally, the click probably wouldn't even be audible unless you really mashed down and you STILL wouldn't get any real feeling of tactility. The rubber domes used are also extra mushy because the keyboard/switch manufacturer hates you.

I call these "Mirukumon GID Switches" (or Mad Max Switches), GID being short for "God is Dead" of course.
The alternative name is Mad Max Switches because this is the kind of low-effort hack you'd do to your keyboard in the
post-apocalypse with limited knowledge and materials, just to get something that kind of resembles a mech.

Does anybody else have some wretch-inducing theoretical switch designs to share? I'd love to hear them all.

[JP]

I imagine something akin to a Chinese finger trap where fingers get trapped and the only way to release a finger you must press your finger all the way into a sharp needle which of course would register a key press.

[Kavik]

I started a list a few months ago, but I can't say I have thought of anything since. The only semi-serious one on my list is the "kerchunck switch", which would be the ultimate clicky switch.

https://geekhack.org/index.php?topic=100556.0

[Sintpinty]

Since this is more of a funposting thing rather than a serious discussion, I'm dropping this thread in Off Topic.

Have you guys ever just thought of some really awful theoretical switch designs, just for a laugh? I have, because I'm crazy.
Yesterday, I was messing with a paper clip and a spare rubber dome keycap I had laying around while on break;
my idea was to basically make the sequel to the Razer Ornata but somehow even worse!

The basic design would include something like a small outer housing that fits onto the mounting end of the keycap and a clickbar sort of hooked into said outer housing and scraping up against the side of it with every keypress. Keep in mind, I'm not an engineer and I have no idea how to pull this off.

The kicker here would be that clickbar only generates the click because it's violently being scraped up and down the side of the mounting end's outer housing.
Not only would this never work properly ever, but it would definitely break very quickly too. It would probably produce a strange stiff and aggravating key-feel, due to having to shove the "clickbar" up and down. Additionally, the click probably wouldn't even be audible unless you really mashed down and you STILL wouldn't get any real feeling of tactility. The rubber domes used are also extra mushy because the keyboard/switch manufacturer hates you.

I call these "Mirukumon GID Switches" (or Mad Max Switches), GID being short for "God is Dead" of course.
The alternative name is Mad Max Switches because this is the kind of low-effort hack you'd do to your keyboard in the
post-apocalypse with limited knowledge and materials, just to get something that kind of resembles a mech.

Does anybody else have some wretch-inducing theoretical switch designs to share? I'd love to hear them all.

Clicky membrane that's 80G and has no tactile bump

[Sintpinty]

I imagine something akin to a Chinese finger trap where fingers get trapped and the only way to release a finger you must press your finger all the way into a sharp needle which of course would register a key press.

oh my

[Venaros]

Smith Corona leaf springs, but you have to press them off center in order for them to register

[noisyturtle]

IDK if this counts, but I've always wanted to see a linear switch that's clicky

[saint_james]

Smith Corona leaf springs, but you have to press them off center in order for them to register

Mother of God...

[Sintpinty]

Smith Corona leaf springs, but you have to press them off center in order for them to register

Suffering

[Sintpinty]

IDK if this counts, but I've always wanted to see a linear switch that's clicky

Same with me, I don't like the tactile bump but it'd like to click and get the same feels


Maybe it would be possible to put a speaker or sensor underneath the switch, and then when it senses a certain point the click sound plays?

[Rob27shred]

I imagine something akin to a Chinese finger trap where fingers get trapped and the only way to release a finger you must press your finger all the way into a sharp needle which of course would register a key press.

JP you sadist you...

[tp4tissue]

I imagine something akin to a Chinese finger trap where fingers get trapped and the only way to release a finger you must press your finger all the way into a sharp needle which of course would register a key press.

each key is wired up to a tube which auto dispenses super glue to the cap surface.. Can you type fast enough before you're stuck.

[Sintpinty]

I imagine something akin to a Chinese finger trap where fingers get trapped and the only way to release a finger you must press your finger all the way into a sharp needle which of course would register a key press.

each key is wired up to a tube which auto dispenses super glue to the cap surface.. Can you type fast enough before you're stuck.

Why are we here. Just to suffer?

[mizzoperator]

I imagine something akin to a Chinese finger trap where fingers get trapped and the only way to release a finger you must press your finger all the way into a sharp needle which of course would register a key press.

each key is wired up to a tube which auto dispenses super glue to the cap surface.. Can you type fast enough before you're stuck.

Calm down, agents of the dark lord. That is one of the worst things I have ever heard.
I suggested bad switch designs, not Jigsaw-style torture mechanisms, lmao

[JP]

Why are we here. Just to suffer?

Philosophers have been asking that very question since the dawn of time.

Calm down, agents of the dark lord. That is one of the worst things I have ever heard.
I suggested bad switch designs, not Jigsaw-style torture mechanisms, lmao

 This is my new favorite quote )

 

[JP]

each key is wired up to a tube which auto dispenses super glue to the cap surface.. Can you type fast enough before you're stuck.

Is this the glue formula that fire ants are attracted to?

[mizzoperator]

Is this the glue formula that fire ants are attracted to?

The keyboard logs your keystrokes and stores them in internal memory for a brief period; if it detects you leaving a bad review, it flings fire ants all over the keyboard.

[JP]

The keyboard logs your keystrokes and stores them in internal memory for a brief period; if it detects you leaving a bad review, it flings fire ants all over the keyboard.

Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies. 

[nathanchere]

IDK if this counts, but I've always wanted to see a linear switch that's clicky

Linear switches + solenoids sounds like  great fun. I don't think it's a god awful idea at all.  You'd get the smoothness of linears plus a click and whole-case tactile feedback which is tightly coupled to the actuation point of the switch.

[tp4tissue]

The keyboard logs your keystrokes and stores them in internal memory for a brief period; if it detects you leaving a bad review, it flings fire ants all over the keyboard.

Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies. 

The trap door for the ants is engaged via a solenoid switch..

The ants are kept alive in a self sustaining eco system within the keyboard. They have everything they need until the day they are called to Turn on the keyboard user.

VERY Advanced/ Highly Reliable/ Much ants.

[mizzoperator]

The trap door for the ants is engaged via a solenoid switch..

The ants are kept alive in a self sustaining eco system within the keyboard. They have everything they need until the day they are called to Turn on the keyboard user.

VERY Advanced/ Highly Reliable/ Much ants.

In addition to the ants, the keyboard will only work if you install a 10gb software package that steals your personal information; if you try to use the keyboard without the software package, not only will it output a string of nonsense but it will also curse at you AND fling the fire ants at your face. Hopefully this doesn't give Razer/Corsair any ideas.

[tp4tissue]

The trap door for the ants is engaged via a solenoid switch..

The ants are kept alive in a self sustaining eco system within the keyboard. They have everything they need until the day they are called to Turn on the keyboard user.

VERY Advanced/ Highly Reliable/ Much ants.

In addition to the ants, the keyboard will only work if you install a 10gb software package that steals your personal information; if you try to use the keyboard without the software package, not only will it output a string of nonsense but it will also curse at you AND fling the fire ants at your face. Hopefully this doesn't give Razer/Corsair any ideas.

The Ants are genetically modified to be highly intelligent and suicidally brave. Each ant prior to release is called to arms using queen pheromones. This herds them through an armament passageway. As they pass through, an AI with automated micro limbs outfit each ant with a microfusion reactor, jetpack, grain of honey-ied amphetamine, and Ant-sized MAGA hat. They are laser guided to their destination whereupon they will atk and devastate their pathetic hughmahnn target's weaknesses.

[JP]

The trap door for the ants is engaged via a solenoid switch..

The ants are kept alive in a self sustaining eco system within the keyboard. They have everything they need until the day they are called to Turn on the keyboard user.

VERY Advanced/ Highly Reliable/ Much ants.

In addition to the ants, the keyboard will only work if you install a 10gb software package that steals your personal information; if you try to use the keyboard without the software package, not only will it output a string of nonsense but it will also curse at you AND fling the fire ants at your face. Hopefully this doesn't give Razer/Corsair any ideas.

Mizzo, now this is truly awful. Also I could see ants thriving on crumbs and finger cheese.

[Sintpinty]

Since this is more of a funposting thing rather than a serious discussion, I'm dropping this thread in Off Topic.

Have you guys ever just thought of some really awful theoretical switch designs, just for a laugh? I have, because I'm crazy.
Yesterday, I was messing with a paper clip and a spare rubber dome keycap I had laying around while on break;
my idea was to basically make the sequel to the Razer Ornata but somehow even worse!

The basic design would include something like a small outer housing that fits onto the mounting end of the keycap and a clickbar sort of hooked into said outer housing and scraping up against the side of it with every keypress. Keep in mind, I'm not an engineer and I have no idea how to pull this off.

The kicker here would be that clickbar only generates the click because it's violently being scraped up and down the side of the mounting end's outer housing.
Not only would this never work properly ever, but it would definitely break very quickly too. It would probably produce a strange stiff and aggravating key-feel, due to having to shove the "clickbar" up and down. Additionally, the click probably wouldn't even be audible unless you really mashed down and you STILL wouldn't get any real feeling of tactility. The rubber domes used are also extra mushy because the keyboard/switch manufacturer hates you.

I call these "Mirukumon GID Switches" (or Mad Max Switches), GID being short for "God is Dead" of course.
The alternative name is Mad Max Switches because this is the kind of low-effort hack you'd do to your keyboard in the
post-apocalypse with limited knowledge and materials, just to get something that kind of resembles a mech.

Does anybody else have some wretch-inducing theoretical switch designs to share? I'd love to hear them all.

1700G springs for switches

[mizzoperator]

1700G springs for switches

The first switch you have to take a hammer to just to get it to register a keypress!

[saint_james]

The trap door for the ants is engaged via a solenoid switch..

The ants are kept alive in a self sustaining eco system within the keyboard. They have everything they need until the day they are called to Turn on the keyboard user.

VERY Advanced/ Highly Reliable/ Much ants.

In addition to the ants, the keyboard will only work if you install a 10gb software package that steals your personal information; if you try to use the keyboard without the software package, not only will it output a string of nonsense but it will also curse at you AND fling the fire ants at your face. Hopefully this doesn't give Razer/Corsair any ideas.

The Ants are genetically modified to be highly intelligent and suicidally brave. Each ant prior to release is called to arms using queen pheromones. This herds them through an armament passageway. As they pass through, an AI with automated micro limbs outfit each ant with a microfusion reactor, jetpack, grain of honey-ied amphetamine, and Ant-sized MAGA hat. They are laser guided to their destination whereupon they will atk and devastate their pathetic hughmahnn target's weaknesses.

Still not as unpleasant as Smith-Corona leaf springs pressed off-center... but close.

[FoxWolf1]

The snapping bar switch. Highly tactile, with a satisfying click; also quite inexpensive, as it's just a stem attached to a very thin, angled piece of plastic over a membrane. Really only has a couple of flaws: 1) Lack of over-travel; and 2) Once pressed, it remains pressed permanently.

[mizzoperator]

The snapping bar switch. Highly tactile, with a satisfying click; also quite inexpensive, as it's just a stem attached to a very thin, angled piece of plastic over a membrane. Really only has a couple of flaws: 1) Lack of over-travel; and 2) Once pressed, it remains pressed permanently.

Better make those words count, because it'll be the only time you type them ever!

[invariance]

Let us broaden this to keycaps as well: I propose the PaCu^TM keycap.
Pick your preferred profile, put them on your favourite switch, it’s not until you wash your hands or use hand sanitiser will you know the true evil in these caps - each one has a microscopic blade just proud of the surface.
*PaCu is a registered trademark of the Paper Cut line of keycaps.

[gipetto]

I think a pneumatic keyboard could be possible. whenever you pressed or released a key there would be a loud blast like a truck hitting the brakes, and a compressor running to pressurize the system.

[Findecanor]

Clicky switch, only that the click occurs after the key has rebounded to the top.

[Sintpinty]

Clicky switch, only that the click occurs after the key has rebounded to the top.

You are scaring the majority of people in this thread