So, My cousin calls me up from China.
Cuhz: Hai Tp, I'm in love, and want to get married.
Tp: Oh shaznit, are you SURE?
Cuhz: Yes, but there's a small problem.
Tp: Need I remind you of the type of people who call ME, with a problem
Cuhz: No it's nothing like that, no money is involved.
Tp: Are you saying she's illiquid.
Cuhz: No, look here, this is a picture of girl.
Tp: Ok, pretty, so what's the issue.. is the apartment she wants you to buy her too expensive? haahaha..
Cuhz: No, it's not about assets, she's from a good family.
Tp: Is she an addict of some sort.
Cuhz: No, Shutup Shutup, let me talk.
Tp: Ok.
Cuhz: So, she's had the 3 piece done (2eyes + nose), the eyes when she was 7 and nose around 16-17. Since I do want to marry her, My parents want me to find out -precisely- what she looked like before the mods.
____I can't bring up something like this -- to look at specific pictures of her BEFORE age 7 and 16 --, without damaging the relationship and her self-esteem.. Since you're the family expert in the odd-problems department. I wanted to get your opinion on how to approach her on this, maybe you can ask to see her photos instead of me..
Tp: Hrrrrrrmm........
Tp: How many apartments do their family own.
Cuhz: what? 3, but what does that have to do with anything, I told you our backgrounds are roughly equivalent, she's from a nice family..
Tp: How many of them are used/ lived in today?
Cuhz: well she's an only child, so she's got the 1 and her parents live in the other, and the 3rd one is rented out..
Tp: Thank god, perfect..
Cuhz: I don't get it, what does this have to do with anything.. Are you shopping for apartments?
Tp: ___
Ok.. Here's the plan.. the only way to inspect her original-genetics is to find her pictures @ or before age 7 and 16.
You can't ask her for them so specifically, since she's already been forward about her cosmetic surgery. Asking for them would just make you look too pragmatic and less of a romantic, thus taking all the love out of the relationship..
Since apartment #3 is rented, it definitely wouldn't contain her baby pictures. They would also not be in apartment #2 because she moved in there herself. It's unlikely she would bring hard copies of her younger pictures, and there wouldn't be digital copies of such old pictures on her computer.
YOU will now schedule to meet her parents at the parent's apartment. During the meet up and the inevitable -you, me- careers talk, find out when they'll be away from the apartment.
Someone will infiltrate the apartment when they're away. They will find the baby pictures (likely stored in the master bedroom) and take high-res photos of them.
--Her parents will never know..
--She.. will never know..
And if the photo results are acceptable to you and your parents, The two of you will live happily ever after..
What do you think?
Cuhz: This is wrong.. You're a bad person.. I just wanted you to come up with some soft language and ask her to see the photos instead of me..
Tp4: No, that won't work, it doesn't matter which one of us asks to see the pictures, it's too damn specific for her not to know what's up... It's going to hurt her if you openly approach this..
Cuhz: well I thought maybe we could go to one of those couples photobook places, and bring up the pictures that way..
Tp4: No, that also won't work, If you let "HER" select the photos to composite in the photobook shop, then she's going to select the wrong ones, or maybe ones from when she's 8- post-surgery/healing, where she wouldn't look as different..
Cuhz: Ur insane, who thinks like this.. There's something wrong with you..
Tp4: Who told you to call me.. Aunt Ying ?.. Clearly I wasn't ur first choice?
Cuhz: Yea my mother told me to call you..
Tp4: See, I'm closer by blood to your mother than I am to you. Clearly there's been too much dilution.. Your mother probably had the same plan.. But she's too socially conscious to say it out loud.
Cuhz: Don't do this yet, let me ask my mother (aunt Ying) first.
Tp4: I already texted her, she said it's fine..
Cuhz: What? No.. wth.. This is my marriage..
Tp4: Need I remind you this is about our family and not about your marriage..
Cuhz: What if the guy you call breaks the door lock, and they find out someone broke in and didn't steal anything..
Tp4: That's trivial, if the door lock can't be picked, then we'll just have our guy make a small mess in the living room so it looks like some drug-addicts broke in to shoot up and steal something.. I guess we'll just have them take some of the cheap jewelry, and her parents will think the drug-addict was an idiot and couldn't tell expensive and cheap jewelry apart. They'll probably think themselves lucky from this whole experience..
Cuhz: I don't like how you have an illegal answer to everything.. You're a criminal..
Tp4: No? I don't break into houses.. Someone in China where they live will do it..
Cuhz: When are you coming back for your thing.. maybe we should wait so you can come back to coordinate this and talk it over
Tp4: I'll be back End of May, or Early-Mid September, But I don't need to be there to do anything. I'll just make a few calls from here..
Cuhz: I want to talk it over with my parents..
