Every day for - I don't know how long - I've opened up wordpad or notepad, or whatever text editor I have at my disposal.
I then try to document how I would have changed my past if given the opportunity. And then I don't save the document, I just close it out.
Then the process begins again the next day.
When I was younger I always looked to the future; and now I only look at all the mistakes I've made in the past. Mistakes that should have been obvious.
The only soothing truth is knowing I have an expiration date.
Even though I guess this topic is not to propose solutions. I know the feeling all too well.
But you know.. the whole point is that the courses of action that were once plausibly and made sense are what you know look back on as mistakes. That in itself is beautiful: you as a person has grown up to a certain point, developed and learned, that you manage to self-reflect and see what you would have liked to to differently in the past. That means that you are a more fuller person now: if you were to be confronted with the same roads and options from the past, you would do it different today.
I also have this tendency to look back and wanted to have things differently. But at least I have this urge to self-reflect and evaluate my life.
I know lots of people who "just live" and make the same errors or who choose the same short-sighted paths over and over again, who solve nothing in there personal lives and most certainly do not self-reflect. Those people, as I put it, do not have a "learning potential". These people could have learned from their behavior, from difficult moments. But rather than to realize that, they just blatantly live on and learn absolutely nothing. That, to me, is a waste.
