It's like every time I do what I'm supposed to or work hard and put a ton of effort into something lately, it ALWAYS turns out poorly. People say if you try you can do anything, or if you are driven and motivated and make all the right moves good things will happen. But I spent this entire year, all of 2018 doing these responsible and supposedly life essential things to slowly work towards a goal, but over the last 12 months everything keeps getting progressively worse in terms of things out of my control.
So I am more driven and putting in more effort than I have in years, maybe decades, doing all the right things, greasing all the right palms, revamping my resume, getting tech certs, learning skills, and all-around pushing myself and I am nearly in the same exact spot I was almost 15 years ago. I don't think it's me, it can't be because I'm doing all the right things. I just don't understand life's RNG anymore, it just doesn't add up why I keep constantly failing. When I was younger I could put in minimal effort and get immensly positive feedback/results, but now that I'm trying harder than ever all I get now is constantly **** upon. I just don't get it.