i just don't understand why. i don't understand what is wrong with me. these things seem to come so easily to literally everyone else
They don't. It is a question of momentum. Once you have momentum, it does not take as much effort to get up that hill. But it is as difficult from the bottom as for everyone else.
If I'm not mistaken, you live in the US also, which is
not a fair society.
Just the fact that the society is
car-dependent keeps people down. The prevailing stupid societal attitudes in the US keep people down and depressed.
I think that the best way (
for me at least) to feel better is to experience new things, and to socialise with people. A positive attitude is contagious, and if you spend time with people with a positive attitude then you'll experience that too.
I used to be active doing cosplay (with a shoestring budget BTW), and I would always fuss and worry before an event, but eventually at the event, I experienced so much positivity that it would last me for months afterwards. That is my advice: find a social activity, among people IRL.