English, as in the language spoken by the English people, from England (and all the colonies of the British Empire). As opposed to "American English", or simply "American" as I call it
Very few Americans refer to their language as "American". We speak English, we study literature in English class in school, and when you call a company, you're asked "For English, press 1, para Espaņol, oprime el 2".
I do admit, however, that English really is a mixed up language with loan words and pronunciations from all sorts of other languages and regions and exceptions to many of it's own rules. Syllables are often pronounced differently even though they're spelt the same. The American variant is very much altered from "the Queen's English", though.
I completely disagree. (And remember, I studied this...)
Standard American English, accent aside, is practically indistinguishable from Standard British English. (Standard American accent has a lot in common with the Dublin accent, by the way.) If you take two written texts and standardize the spellings (-ize/-ise, -o-/-ou-), it takes a very astute eye to determine whether the author was American, British, Canadian, or Australian.
What varies widely, of course, is vernacular. And in this, the UK has far more deviation from its standard than the US has from its standard. (So please, people, stop comparing American vernacular with Queen's English, and vice versa, don't compare Liverpuddlian with Standard American English!)
You are absolutely correct that English (in particular, its spelling) is full of exceptions and contradictions. It is indeed the legacy of spellings that have remained static even as pronunciation has shifted and new words were borrowed. Ever heard of the poem
the Chaos? It's an exceptional challenge to pronounce correctly, even to the most skilled of English orators.
http://www.spellingsociety.org/journals/j17/caos.php